by Owlman

No way connected to Insurrection. Cross Over of allot of SciFi shows. This first episode isn't too funny, but the rest will be.

Detective James Ellison paused for a second, his Barretta ready. His hyperactive sense of hearing picked up the sounds of footsteps approaching. He stuck his foot out around the corner, sending the little man to the ground. The impact KOed the suspect.

Detective Blair Sandburg looked nervously at the ticking bomb. It was connected to 100 blocks of C4, which was connected to 5 barrels of fertilizer bombs. 50 orphans, 3 nuns, and a congressman were all trapped inside the building. He had bypassed 3 traps and the timer was down to 5 seconds. He looked at the wires. He tried to remember what Taggart taught him. He cut the wire as the timer reached one. It froze at 1. He collapsed on the floor and thanked God.

2 Hours later, Cascade PD

"Good work Jim"; said Captain Simon Banks to Ellison.

"Thanks Simon", said Sandburg.

"Shut up Sandburg,” exclaimed Banks.

"What do you mean shut up, I saved the day, I saved Jim, I disarmed the bomb, and I even went under cover to nail Jones in the first place!" exclaimed Sandburg. He had been a detective for a month and finally had the guts to speak up.

"I hope Commander Crichton fixes that new attitude of yours", said Simon.

"You mean you weren’t joking when you said I was going to be an observer on the Starbug?" asked Sandburg.

"Crichton was looking for an anthropologist with experience in weapons and dangerous situations", said Banks. "You were his first choice", he added.

"But I am a discredited anthropologist" said Sandburg.

"It doesn’t matter to him, he said that you would be gone only a couple of months, then you would be sent back", said Banks.

"And, the IASA is sending Jim a temporary alien partner, I met with him earlier", said Banks.

"How is he?" asked Ellison.

"We doesn’t eat, sleep, or drink", said Simon.

"Who is he, a robot?" asked Ellison.

"Here he comes now", said Banks.

A dark figure walked into the office. He was pale and wore all black with an ID badge. "Detectives Ellison and Sandburg, meet Kai, last of the Brunnen G", said Banks.

"Hello", said Kai without emotion.

"Hi", said Ellison.

"I told Kai he could stay at your place while Sandburg was gone", said Banks. "There's a plane ticket for Houston on your desk", said Banks to Sandbrug.

Sandburg and Ellison sat in their apartment. Kai stood out on the balcony, looking at Cascade. Sandburg was loading bullets from an ammo carton into a clip. He slammed the clip into his VP-90. "Thanks for the armor pierces and hollow points", said Sandburg.

"No problem, who knows what you'll run into out there", said Ellison.

"Bringing my Glock too", said Sandburg.

"What are you doing anyway?" asked Ellison.

"I will study alien cultures as well as the crew on Starbug", said Sandburg. "A collection of heroes is onboard, we are to counter any move made by the Alliance of Evil and Tyranny", he added.

"Well, Chrichton is supposed to be the best we got,” said Elision.

"Yeah, but I heard he is like a terrorist and went insane out there", said Sandburg.

Sandburg walked into the bustling hanger at Ellington air force base in Houston. A mixture of humanoids was busy loading crates onto a large green ship that barley fit into the hanger. A beautiful raven harried woman barked orders in a strange alien language. A small alien on a floating chair barley missed his head as he flew by. He saw a man in a black trench coat walking towards him. He recognized it as Crichton. He said his favorite phrase. "Hi, I am Detective Blair Sandburg, Cascade PD", he said shaking Crichton's hand.

"Names Commander John Crichton", he said.

"Glad I could recruit you", said Crichton.

"Besides my police work, why did you recruit me?" asked Sandburg.

"Well, I like your academic work, plus your one hell of a cop", said Crichton.

"And I heard your one hell of a criminal", said Sandburg not thinking.

"Too true!” said Crichton.

"I might as well lay down the ground rules now", said Crichton. "Use your best judgement, don't blindly follow orders, our Captain is a grade A moron" said Crichton. "Second, do what ever it takes to survive", "Third, see that beautiful Sebasceanara over there", he said pointing to Aeryn. "She's with me, but Nelson has plenty of unskilled hoties on board" said Crichton patting his back.

He signaled for Aeryn to join them. "Officer Aeryn Sun, meet Detective Blair Sandburg,” said Crichton. They shook hands, and she said something in Sebacean.

"What she say?" asked Sandburg.

"Nice to meet you", said Crichton.

"Nice to meet you too", said Sandburg.

"Bender, translator microbes!" exclaimed Chrichton. A shady looking robot walked up with a huge needle. He saw his badge.

"You a cop?" asked Bender. "Yeah", he replied. Bender drew air into the needle. Chrichton saw this.

"Bender!” Chrichton exclaimed.

"Alright!" complained Bender injecting microbes into Sandburg's brain.

"Better?" asked Aeryn.

"She was a British accent,” said Sandburg.

"More of a New Zealand one actually", said Chrichton.

"Hard ass!” said Bender behind Crichton.

"I heard that!" exclaimed Crichton. Bender quickly ran away.

Captain Mike J. Nelson looked at his crew in review. "Hi I am Captain Mike Nelson", he said. “I will be giving out room mates and quarters now", said Mike. "First is Crichton and Sun", "2nd, Smith and Rimmer, 3rd, Bender and Fry, 4th Crow T Robot and Rygel". Rygel and Crow looked at each other with hate. Mike went down the list for about 3 minutes. "Finally, Sandurg and Binks", he said.

A large amount of VIPs were outside the ship, with a band playing in front of them. They silenced as Admiral Kirk; head of the fleet climbed the podium. "Hello...ladies and gentlemen... or Earth", he said with allot of dramatic pauses. "Please...give a round of applause for...his holiness, Pope John Paul the third, and her majesty Queen Elizabeth the 2nd", he said. The entire original Bridge crew from the Enterprise was there, as well as Picard, Steven Hawing, George W. Bush, and John Mccain were in the audience. "This crew, whose captain was hand picked by George Bush, will be the third vessel to protect us against evil. They will patrol the border that connects all the powers of the Alliance of Tyranny and Evil", said Kirk.

Mike, Crichton, and Sandburg sat in the command seats on the bridge. Fry was at the helm in front, and Rimmer at weapons in back. "Remember Fry, use thrusters only, do NOT engage the hech drive", said Chrichton. Everyone but Fry was strapped in. "Buckle up Fry", said Chrichton.

"No way, it's too much work", said Fry.

Mike looked nervous. "Man I'm nervous, commander, care to join me in a belt of scotch to calm our nerves?" asked Mike.

"Hell no!” said Chrichton. He listened into his head set. "Alright Fry, it's show time", said Chrichton.

The massive Starbug tipped to the left and rolled over on Kirk with a squish. The audience screamed. Fry hung by the console. He accidentally pressed autopilot. The hech drive began to fire up and the Starbug pointed strait up. "Oh S**t!" exclaimed Chrichton and Mike in unison. In a blink of an eye, the ship burst through the roof, collapsing the building onto the audience. The only one not to die was the Queen.

The Starbug flew strait up into the air, reaching hech 1. All the bridge crew was pressed against the seats, except for Fry, who was pressed at the back of the room. Aeryn was holding onto a doorframe for dear life to keep from falling all the way to the bottom of the ship. She was in the main hallway. Suddenly, Bender exited the door, and fell out hitting her on the way down. They both hit the bottom of the ship. "Ah, my ass!” screamed Bender looking at his dented rear. "Ahh my frelling leg!" she exclaimed. "Not again!” she yelled.

The Starbug flew from the atmosphere and into the void. The Mir space station appeared on screen. "Holy crap!” exclaimed Chrichton as the ships busted through the old station and into light speed. The station fell to earth.

The Queen stood in the hanger wreckage. "'ello?" she asked. She looked up a saw the burning Mir heading right for her. "Stiff upper lip now", she said as the station splatted her.

Alliance of Evil and Tyranny HQ

The beautiful green meadow was packed with shady figures. A Jem'hadar and a Predator swung a jump rope for a huge, mutated Dr. William Birkin. Darth Vader was playing catch with an alien. Colliesto was reading "Little Bunny FuFu" to some school kids. Scorpious was on camera with 2 Muppets and the letter A. Also; His Divine Shadow, the Borg Queen, Colonel Rickman, and Weyoun were playing Hungry Hungry Hippos.

Vader, the chairman, got onto the podium. "Attention all apostles of evil and darkness", he said. The army of villains along with several Jem'hadar, Fanatics, stormtroopers, borg, and PeaceKeeper Marines all faced him. "As you know, Earth has sent Crichton and a bunch of heroes to patrol the zone between us and Earth", said Vader. "We must find a away to eliminate them", said Vader.

"I could send the Jem'hadar to destroy them", said Weyoun.

"No, I need Crichton alive!" said Scorpious.

"I could send a Borg cube to assimilate them", said the Borg Queen.

"That’s a good idea, but I don't like you, so we won't be using it", said Vader.

"Don't worry, I have the perfect weapon to defeat them", said His Divine Shadow. "Send her out!" He ordered.

Gileena appeared, she was in a black suit like Kai, and was pale. She was a Divine, undead assassin. "Who do you want me to kill, evil one?" she asked Vader.

"Every crew men of the Starbug, but Crichton", he said.

"As you command", she said leaving.

"Dr. Birkin also gave her a vile of the G-Virus to use if she is cornered, it will make her the ultimate bio weapon", said His Divine Shadow.

"Excellent Shadow, what are your plans for earth?" asked Vader.

"I will use this Barney the Dinosaur to turn the children of Earth to become my minions", he said. "I already have my associate Mr. Linoge in Cascade scouting things out" said Shadow. "Then, after that my minions...." he paused. "My minions...", he paused and thought.

"What’s wrong Shadow?" asked Colliesto.

"Yes, tell us", said Weyoun.

"Well, my half sister Hilary called and said Bill was cheating on her again", said the Shadow.

McDonald's, Cascade Washington, 10:31 AM

"Give me what I want, and I'll go away!" said Linoge to the cashier in McDonald's.

"Sorry sir, breakfast is over, you can have an egg mecmuffin", said the cashier. Linoge got out his cane, and swung.

Crichton carried Aeryn into the sick bay. He had a rope tied around his waist. Bender was lying on a stretcher behind him. Dr. Smith looked at them. "Doc, you gotta help her", said Crichton putting her on the bed. "She broke her leg", he said.

"Sorry Commander, but the crash caused my back pain to flare up", said Smith.

"What, doc this is serious!" exclaimed Crichton.

"I’m sorry", he said. Aeryn popped him in the mouth, knocking him out.

"Active EMH", she said. The Andy Dick version appeared. "Please state the nature of the medical.” Crichton shut him off. He put a needle into her leg.

"Morphine, it will help the pain", he said. He kissed her lightly. Mike's voice came over the PA.

"Commander Crichton to the bridge", he said.

They kissed goodbye. "Hey, if this is the best ship and we got it this bad, think how bad D'argo and Pip have it", said Crichton leaving.

The USS Defiant

"D'argo, how are you today?" asked Captain Benjamin Sisko.

"Fine sir" said D'argo with a cup of coffee in hand.

"Sup D'argo?" asked Han Solo at the helm.

"Not much" said D'argo.

"Heard you and Chiana having a good time", said Solo jokingly. Sisko laughed as well.

"D'argo, we will be patrolling the Tele- tubby system, and I need you and Seven of Nine to check the weapons systems", said Sisko.

"Follow me through this Jeffrey’s tube", said Seven.

D'argo looked at her butt. "How long is this crawl?" asked D'argo. "10 minutes", she said. He mouthed, thank god!

Xev's voice came over his comm. "D'argo, when your done could you come fix.something in my room?" she asked seductivly.

"Sure", he said.

Crichton looked out the view screen. The stars were gone. "Were are we?" asked Mike.

"Dunno, nav is offline, the autopilot must have followed a random course", said Crichton. He looked again. "I have seen something like this before", said Chrichton.

"Sir, we have an unknown object coming into sensor range", said Rimmer. A huge pyramid with a P on it zoomed by.

"Dear god no!" exclaimed Crichton. The Pyramid joined two other massive shapes with letters. It was the UPN logo. "This is the worst place in the universe, the Unwatched Territories", he said.

"We have to get out of here!" exclaimed Fry.

"No, their are people here that we have to rescue, the guys of Shasta McNasty", said Crichton.

"Yeah, that was like their best show besides Voyager, that’s not saying much, but they don't deserve this", said Mike. "Lets begin the search", said Mike.

To be continued