About this Peacekeeper Invasion of Earth Rumor:

Captain Hornblower steps out in medal filled uniform, saber hanging from his belt, in front of giant American flag. Carries riding crop in his hand, salutes his audience.

As you were, he begins, then continues:

There have been a lot of rumors about those fucking Peacekeepers invading our planet. Let me tell you this.

I pitty those Peacekeepers who would invade Earth. By God, I do. We would murder those Peacekeeper bastards by the bullshell.

(Start hearing Battle Hym of the Republic playing in the background)

Those Peacekeepers would be no match for the United States Armed Forces. Our boys in the air would fight them to their knees. Our boys would fight them on the seas and oceans, for every hill and valley. This would be our finest hour.

Then we would strip our sleaves, and show our scars, and say these wounds I had on Peacekeeper invasion day. In one last charge, we would give the last remaining Peacekeepers the bayonet as we drove them off of our planet in shame, charging their guns at the sound of Yankee Doodle Dandy!

Then, we would invade them, flying in on the wings of liberty. We would conquer their space and force them to unconditional surrender. Then, we would give the Peacekeepers a just peace, in exchange for dates with their most beautiful women.

To the Army and the Marines, and the battles that they've won. To the red, white, and blue, the colors that never run. May the wings of liberty never loose a feather.

Now, let us prepare for the fight to come. To arms, young men of America! You have nothing to loose but your cookies!

That is all.