Dark. Cold. Vacuum. Space.

She was happiest in the freezing vacuum of space, hundreds of metras away from the magnificent command carrier she called home. Forged of Peacekeeper steel and metals far superior to those of the lesser species, and armed with nearly a thousand cannons of varied sizes -- all powerful and deadly. But it was not like her prowler.

Her prowler could fly as fast as a Peacekeeper command carrier, and possibly faster. Her prowler was a tiny environment all its own, able to sustain her for up to a monen if stocked properly. And if duty shifts and basic, militaristic Peacekeeper life didn't call, she would test that theory whenever possible. Sitting behind the controls of her prowler was where she was most comfortable. The feel of the control sticks in her hands and the sound of a pressed button, firing a pulse beam strong enough to destroy any medium sized space craft, was nearly second nature to her.

Space was where she was born. And it was where she belonged.

Never once did any of the planets their command carrier passed seem remotely intriguing. A calm, planetside life was not what she wanted. She wanted the feeling of a thousand formidable and lethal cannons beneath her feet, not grass and solid ground. Even the short shore leaves that Peacekeepers were forced to take for their own good left her longing for her quarters aboard the command carrier and the comfortable black seat of her prowler.

"Carrier to prowler pilots, return at once. I repeat, return the Command Carrier at once for shift changes."

She sighed at the voice of her captain. Her long duty shift was slowly coming to an end.

With the press of a few button and the twist of a control stick her prowler was set on a course for the command carrier, dozens of other prowlers following her. The dark grey spot that blended in deceptively with its dark backdrop grew larger as they all approached the command carrier looming in the distance. And it continued growing until Aeryn was guiding her prowler into the opening door of a hangar bay. Her hangar bay. Hers and only a dozen others'. But it had still been hers since she had begun flying. And it would be hers until she died.

Conformity. Regulations. Routine. Constant.

That was how she liked her life. Change was bad unless it worked in her favor, and a break from her daily routine wreaked havoc on her well being. She didn't like change. She didn't like surprises. She didn't do sudden. There were rules and she followed them. That was how it was.

Simple.

Simplicity was the key.

Her prowler came to a halt as the hatch above her opened slowly. A thin smoke was released into the air as the atmosphere of her prowler mixed with that of the command carrier's. She removed the helmet she wore as she climbed down from the cockpit. Her hard, leather Peacekeeper boots hit the cold floor.

Officer Aeryn Sun, Icarian Company Pleisar Regiment, was home.

Techs scrambled about hangar bay 612-I, tending to each prowler as it flew in and landed in its appropriate space. Each tech had a specific task and it was there job to perform it correctly. Failure was unacceptable. And the punishments were unbearable.

Two brown eyes studied each prowler as it arrived. They were searching for a specific prowler ... a specific pilot. And as the sought after black prowler with Pleisar markings slid into its place and the hatch on top of it flew open, the eyes focused harder.

A body covered in a bulky black flight suit climbed out, removing the shiny black helmet on the way down. And at the sight of the familiar black hair in its tight regulation bonding, straggled about a pale face with two piercing grey eyes, a smile spread across the lips of the owner of two brown eyes.

Commander Jace Gun'win of Peacekeeper High Command was pleased.

Deep, dark, ruthless eyes watched the shift change from a perch in an overseeing room. Through the blue glass of the windows they studied a specific prowler and its pilot as it flew in and landed with near perfection. The eyes shifted to another part of the bay, and narrowed at the sight of a tall, muscular, proud looking commander that was gazing at the same prowler the eyes had been watching.

A small growling noise filtered past dry lips as a nose twitched and two eyes narrowed further.

Captain Bialar Crais, captain of Command Carrier B-527, was incensed.

Aeryn moved slowly away from her prowler, leaving the techs to do their work repairing whatever needed repairing, and refueling whatever needed refueling. Matinence wasn't her job. She just flew the prowler.

Her eyes scanned the mass of techs and officers in the hangar bay. She was hunting someone in particular, just to see if he actually came. He usually did. He was there waiting for her every time.

Constant. Unchanging. Familiarity.

His bright, well-kept, red and black Commander's uniform stood out against the dull, dirty uniforms of the techs and officers surrounding. Aeryn spied him almost immediately. She caught his gaze, his eyes mirroring the knowing sparkle that passed through her own. The corners of his mouth upturned just slightly before falling back down into the tight-lipped, unemotional expression of a Commander. She didn't return the smile. Instead she began their game. The game they played nearly every day since he had come aboard.

Moving past him, she kept her eyes straight ahead, focused on some unseen point. Perhaps he wouldn't stop her this time.

"Officer Sun," he called out as she passed him. His voice was rough, harsh, and biting. This Commander was ordering her to stop.

Aeryn took a few more steps before turning and facing him. Her eyes were cast skyward, her chin up -- the basic military position an officer assumes when being addressed by someone higher than themselves. "Commander Gun'win, sir," she answered, in perfect form.

"Just how are the skies today Officer?" Jace asked carefully, a smirk playing at the edges of his lips.

"All is quiet, sir." Aeryn answered again, hiding the smile lurking underneath.

"Good. Good." He began circling her. "Are you off duty shift now?"

"I am, sir."

"For how long?"

"Several arns, sir."

Jace paused, crossing his arms and stopping directly in front of her. He was searching for an excuse. Searching very carefully. All part of the game they played. "That uniform isn't up to Peacekeeper standards, Officer Sun."

"Sir?" Now she looked at him, catching that sparkle in his eye as she did.

"I want you in my office in 300 microts." Jace grinned. "We'll see that your uniform is brought up to standards, and that you are properly punished for your careless behavior."

"Yes, sir." She turned and left, heading for the instructed location.

Crais glared through the glass at the pair standing in the midst of the hangar. They didn't know he watched them. But it wouldn't matter if they knew anyway. They would still meet like they did every day. Because they didn't care about what Crais thought. Officer Sun didn't care. Commander Gun'win didn't care.

He moved away from the long pane of glass and then left the room. Rest was what he needed, so it was back to his chambers he was headed. And after a short rest, on to Commander Gun'win's officer to speak with him.

Looking up at the long pane of glass, Jace saw a large, bulky body turn and walk away. Crais. He knew exactly who the bulky body belonged to. This wasn't the first time he had managed to catch a body moving away from the glass just as Officer Sun and himself were departing from the hangar bay. Jace knew Crais watched them. And he knew how much his meetings with Officer Sun infuriated the Captain.

That was why he did it.

Jace waited several moments more, and then headed out of the hangar bay. Officer Sun was merely a corridor or two ahead of him. He walked slowly, giving her enough time to get to his office. Jace wanted her to wait. He wanted her to wait for him.

Aeryn walked quickly, trying to be in his office in less than 300 microts. In reality, he wouldn't care if she were 600 microts late. But she wanted to be punctual and follow his orders. It made the game all the more fun.

She reached the solid Peacekeeper steel door with ten microts to spare. And with a press of a panel, Aeryn was let in. Commander Gun'win's assistant was standing in the middle of the room when she entered. The assistant turned at the sound of the door opening. His face was unreadable, as usual. But his eyes betrayed him. They held a knowing look, similar to the look in both Aeryn and Commander Gun'win's eyes. He knew. He knew; which was why he had been expecting Officer Sun's arrival.

"Officer Sun," the assistant said.

"Lieutenant Car'ne," Aeryn commented, resuming her military stance.

"I assume Commander Gun'win is on his way?"

"Yes, sir."

"And for what reason are you here today?"

"My uniform is not up to Peacekeeper standards, sir." Aeryn tried to say this without smiling. "Commander Gun'win wishes to correct me and serve me with a sufficient punishment."

Car'ne nodded and then left the office. Commander Gun'win would have no need for him. Not when Officer Sun was around.

And then Aeryn was alone. She looked around the office and finally sat down in a chair in front of Commander Gun'win's desk. Moments later she was standing again. Not sure of how she should be when he entered. But before she could sit down again, he was there.

The door opened and she spun around, instantly pulling herself into the familiar military stance, eyes upward, chin up, hands behind your back, and back ramrod straight.

"At ease, Officer Sun," Commander Gun'win said quietly, moving over to her. She relaxed.

He ran his eyes from the top of her head, down the length of her body, to her feet, and then back up again.

''My uniform, sir?"

"Still not acceptable," he replied.

"My apologies, sir."

"Don't apologize Officer," Jace started, "FIX IT!" He barked at her and she flinched.

Aeryn made a small effort to straighten her collar. This was how the game was played. Small movements. Short advances. Draw it out.

"Not good enough," Jace commented again.

"How should my uniform look, sir?" Aeryn was growing tired of the game. She wanted to get right to the point.

He raised an eyebrow and she raised one back. "Perhaps," Jace began, taking hold of her collar, "this coat is too small for you." He began undoing the button clasps on the front until it was hanging open. "Get rid of it."

"Yes, sir." In one movement, her coat was on the floor.

"And that hair," he shook his head at her carcan, "it needs to be more loose."

Without taking her eyes away from him, Aeryn undid her hair and let the casing fall to the floor. It was all part of the game. The game that was soon coming to an end. Then the real fun started.

"Better, sir?"

"Almost." Jace ran his eyes over her again. "You know what?"

"Yes, sir?"

"This entire uniform is not right. I think you need a new one." He quickly lashed out, grabbing both her wrists and pulling her to him. She didn't struggle.

"A new one, sir? But whe--"

"Through that door." Jace tilted his head in the direction of his private chambers. The game was over.

"Then let's not waste any time," Aeryn said softly, her voice low and seductive.

The Peacekeeper facade was gone from both of them. The game was done and it was time for something else. Aeryn slid her wrists from his grip and then took his hands, pulling him across the floor to the door that lay in the distance. And he followed.

Heavy footsteps echoed in the corridors leading to the quarters Commander Gun'win was housed in. His stay was temporary, only several monens. But that was too long. Too long for Crais.

Behind Crais followed two of his men. His assistants. His lieutenants. They followed him as he made his way to Commander Gun'win's quarters. The arn long rest was over. And it was time for Crais to handle an important matter that had been important since the weeken after Commander Gun'win had come aboard. However, Crais had ignored it as long as he could.

But he could ignore it no more.

Outside of Commander Gun'win's office stood Lieutenant Car'ne. He could have gone inside. There was no one in the office. His boss was occupied in his chamber with Officer Sun. So it was safe in the office. But Lieutenant Car'ne respected privacy. And on his one occasion of staying in the office he had caught glimpse of something unpleasant. Obviously no one had know he was there, and he had gotten an eyeful.

So he chose to stay outside the office. And when he saw Crais steaming full speed toward him, he tried to block the path.

"Out of my way Lieutenant," Crais demanded.

"Commander Gun'win is occupied at the moment," Car'ne protested.

Crais stared at him hard for a few moments before nodding his head to the two men behind him. The lieutenants moved around Crais and each of them took hold of one of Car'ne's arms.

"I know," was all Crais said as he pushed past Car'ne and entered the office.

It was quiet. Nobody was there. Dren. His eyes scanned the room for something, anything. And just when he was about to give up and leave he saw them. An officer's jacket and a hair binding laying on the floor by Gun'win's desk. Crais walked over to them and picked them up. The badge on the officer's jacket told him all he needed to know.

Crais ears suddenly perked up as a small noise filled the air. He listened closely, discerning the source. It was coming from behind him. As he turned he heard it again. Crais spied the door in front of him. Another noise, louder. And then again. And again. He began moving toward the door, the noise getting louder as he moved closer.

This was what he had been searching for.

He dropped the jacket and binding, and pushed through the door in front of him.

Aeryn and Jace turned abruptly, eyes fixed on the doorway as the door opened and Crais barged through. Jace's eyes narrowed and his face grew angry. Aeryn's face was expressionless, a blank canvas, hiding everything she was feeling underneath.

Crais' expression was like an open book. He was angry. He was shocked. He was horrified. And his eyes bore down on Jace like fire.

"THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!" Crais screamed, throwing an accusing finger at Jace and Aeryn, both nude and barely covered by the meager blankets on his bed.

"THIS IS SIMPLE PEACEKEEPER PROCEDURE!" Jace shouted back, sitting up and causing the blanket to move further off of them.

Aeryn knew what was coming. Unashamed, she slid out of the bed, not bothering to grab a blanket to cover herself, and she crossed the room to where her clothes were sitting on a chair. Both men watched her, their eyes glued to the pale body walking across Peacekeeper steel. She dressed and then turned toward Jace.

"Permission to leave, sir?"

"Aeryn ..."

"Permission to leave?" She said it louder.

"Granted." Jace replied.

She began heading toward the door. But Crais threw out an arm, gripping her shoulder roughly, and forced her to face him.

"I am your captain," he growled.

"I am her commander," Jace interjected, coming to her rescue. "And I'm higher up in the Peacekeeper hierarchy when it comes to places on High Command."

"This is my ship! My crew!"

"This is a Peacekeeper ship. You simply run it." Jace removed Crais' hand from Aeryn's body. "And for the time I spend here, I give the orders."

Aeryn said nothing. She simply turned and left.

"This behavior will not be tolerated," Crais barked at Jace.

"What behavior?"

"This!" Crais waved his arms about.

"It's called recreation. And it's perfectly acceptable."

"High command --"

"High command encourages recreation to keep the tensions down. And as a commander I am free to pick and choose whom I wish to recreate with."

"But not with any longevity and with no emotional attachments!"

"Are you saying I have emotional attachments to Officer Sun?" Jace moved closer. "Is that what you're saying Crais? Because that's a pretty intense accusation."

"I'm ... I ..."

"I sure hope you can back that up when you report us to High Command."

Crais stood there, tripping over his words. Until finally he threw his hands up in the air and stormed out. "This conversation is over!" As he passed Aeryn outside, in Jace's office, he marched up to her, pointing his finger in her face. "If you continue this liaison with Commander Gun'win I will see that you are demoted to tech and transferred to a planetside base."

"Sir ..."

"That is a promise Officer Sun." And with that he was gone.

Aeryn studied the symbols on the console in front of her and then carefully watched the monitor. Sighing, she pressed another panel and examined a different sector. There were no enemy ships for metras. There were no unidentified ships for metras. Hezmana, there were no ships that weren't Peacekeeper for metras. And the nearest planet was at least fifty arns away.

Absolutely nothing.

She didn't have prowler duty until her next duty shift. And this shift would last for another three arns until her break. At least two or three times a weeken she had bridge duty. And she hated it. Aeryn would rather be outside the command carrier. In her prowler. Alone. But then again, she'd also rather be off duty shift and in Commander Gun'win's bed. That was another place she'd found she could be quite comfortable. In his bed. And in his arms.

Captain Crais had warned her to stay away from him, and with his lieutenants everywhere, it was getting harder and harder for her and Commander Gun'win to be alone. But they still managed to find an arn or so every now and then to be together. Meeting in sporadic places all over the command carrier, they were able to better avoid Crais' lieutenants and then Crais would never find out about them.

Aeryn knew he had meant what he said. And she also knew why he said it.

He wanted her. It was obvious. There had been offers before, and she had declined, and despite his superiority he had left her alone. But now that Jace had come along, Crais realized there was competition. It was no longer just her that was desired, it was also her loyalty. Jace had Aeryn's body and her loyalty. Crais had at least had her loyalty before. But now he had nothing. And he wanted everything back.

Sighing again, she let her head drop between her arms on the console and allowed herself a brief moment to herself.

Until she felt fingertips tickling their way up her sides. Her head raised suddenly and she whirled around to find herself becoming lost in two deep brown eyes. They were sparkling with mischief and delight. And the mouth below them was smirking.

"Commander Gun'win," Aeryn said in perfect military fashion, trying to look that way as well.

"Officer Sun, at ease."

She relaxed as his arms trapped her in place, one on either side of her on the console. "We can't ..."

A growl emanated deep within Jace's throat. "It's been over a monen since he walked in on us and told you you could never see me again." He leaned closer. "He hasn't found out yet. And he's probably given up."

Aeryn glanced around quickly. The other few officers in the room were all too busy with their consoles and their duties to notice her and the Commander.

"When are you off duty shift?" He whispered in her ear.

"Three arns," she answered, a hint of sadness in her voice.

"Come see me when you're done?"

She let out a small laugh. "I was hoping to get some sleep."

"It's not that late is it?"

"Jace ..."

"Aeryn," Jace said sternly.

"But I need to sleep."

"You need to be with me."

"But --"

He pressed a finger to her lips. "Terra Bay 6, by the lake. As soon as you're off duty shift."

She wanted to protest, but the look on his face wouldn't let her.

"Alright," Aeryn answered quietly. "I'll be there."

"Good." He turned and left as surreptitiously as he had entered. And none of Crais' lieutenants had seen him.

Aeryn turned back around and returned to her work, monitoring the area surrounding the command carrier and scanning for hostile and unidentified ships. In three arns she would be dodging Crais' men again. So much for sleep.

Two pairs of eyes watched a tall, thin, muscular body slip through the doors to Terra Bay six. Several moments later an even taller, more muscular, and very well built body slipped through as well. The owners of the two pairs of eyes waited. It wasn't more than a quarter arn later that three lieutenants slipped into the bay as well.

"Well, somebody heard," Aeryn said quietly from her hiding spot behind a bulkhead.

Jace smiled. "Figured as much. That's why we waited."

She waited, thinking, before she spoke again. "Bay 4?" Aeryn said finally, raising an eyebrow.

"Absolutely," Jace answered, taking her arm.

Together they moved as fast as possibly down the corridor toward the Terra Bay of their choice some three or four tiers down in another part of the carrier. Hopefully Crais' men didn't think enough to be there waiting.

When they reached the bay they were pleased to find the entrance deserted. Hopefully the inside was equally so. And it was ... almost. Several officers were scattered around and a few young cadets were playing games beneath a tree not far from the lake. But there was no one threatening it seemed.

Walking together with a reasonable distance in between them, they moved to the other side of the lake, away from everyone. Their final resting place was beneath a large, gnarled tree whose branches hung low over them and created a sort of cove for them to sit in. No one saw them, they were sure of it. They had the place to themselves, and inside this little cove they were safe from Crais.

Jace relaxed against the tree's trunk while Aeryn snuggled up alongside him, using his lap for a pillow. He let his hand fall to running through her loose hair while the other rested comfortably on her side. They could sit there for at least a few arns undisturbed. And no one knew they were there. Surely the other officers around hadn't been paying attention to where they were going. And the children, had they seen them, wouldn't give it a second thought.

After some time of simply sitting there, lost in their thoughts, Jace bent down and softly kissed her cheek. "Aeryn," he whispered.

"Mmm?" She rolled over in his lap, looking up into his eyes as they gazed down at her.

"We need to talk."

This was something important, she decided, giving her full attention to the man above her. "What do you want to talk about?"

"Us."

"What about us?" Aeryn smiled.

"We need to decide what this is between us."

Sitting up and turning herself so she was facing him, Aeryn looked deep into his eyes. "Why?" She planted a small kiss on his lips. "Why can't we leave it alone and let it just happen?"

"Because I'm going to be leaving soon to return to High Command. And I don't want to leave without you." Before Aeryn could say anything he gripped her shoulders and continued. "Aeryn, I don't know what this is going on between us, but I don't want it to end. The morning when I came and we ... well I didn't expect it to keep on. But it did. And it went beyond simple relief of tensions. It became more. Don't you think so?"

She nodded, biting her lip and trying to understand.

"And now, there's something here."

"Like what?"

"I don't know, exactly. But whatever it is, it won't let me go back to High Command without taking you with me."

Aeryn felt trapped. Walls were closing in and she was growing more and more confused. He wanted to take her with him. But her prowler, her duty shift, her captain, her quarters -- what would happen to those? Suddenly her axis was tilting and things were shifting into something else. "Crais ..."

"Who cares about him?" Jace was growing excited and it was hard to keep his voice down. "Frell, who even cares about the Peacekeepers?"

"Jace, that's insubordination. We are Peacekeepers."

"We don't have to be."

What? Not be Peacekeepers? This wasn't happening. She couldn't breathe and she couldn't move. Everything was becoming blurred inside her mind as she tried to focus. "We do. We do Jace."

"No we don't." He looked upward for several moments and then back to Aeryn. "I've been thinking that when my time is done here, I'm going to go back to High Command and ask to be discharged from my duties."

"That'll never work."

"It will. And when I'm discharged I'll come back for you." Jace leaned forward, pressing his lips to hers and pulling her into a passionate kiss. "I promise," he whispered as he came up for air. "I'll take you with me when I go off into the Uncharteds."

"The Peacekeepers --"

"Won't take notice of one lone officer who managed to escape."

"They will. Crais will." Aeryn struggled to free herself of his arms.

"Aeryn no. He can't stop us." Jace kissed her again, tightening his hold. "Aeryn, I love you."

She stopped struggling and stared at him, wide-eyed. "You what," she sputtered.

"I love you, and I don't want to be without you." He took both her hands in his. "Come with me."

"I ... I ..." Aeryn was speechless.

Her whole world had just been turned upside down. No conformity. No familiarity. No constant. It was all gone. Everything was different. Changed. New. Unfamiliar. And she wasn't sure that was where she wanted to go. She needed her prowler, she needed the command carrier with her quarters, she needed the same barking Captain, she needed her cycle of duty shifts and rest arns.

"Aeryn?"

"No." Aeryn flailed her arms, trying to pull out of his grip. This time she succeeded and just stared at him as she moved away.

She looked like a wild animal trapped in a cage, trying to escape the bars surrounding her.

"No?"

"I can't Jace. I'm a Peacekeeper. I can't stop being a Peacekeeper."

"Aeryn you're more than that."

"No, no I'm not. I'm not." Backing away more, she tried to put as much distance between herself and Jace.

"Aeryn ..."

"I can't go with you. I don't want to go with you."

"I thought you loved me too."

"I ... I ..." She did. She did love him. That was what she felt for him. But she couldn't tell him that.

"Aeryn ..."

"Just go Jace. Go."

"Tell me you don't love me first. I want to hear it or I won't believe it." Now he was upset; Aeryn saw it. But there was something else there. A fear of some sort. As if he was praying she would say she loved him because he loved her so much.

Aeryn took a deep breath and swallowed. "No," she answered firmly. "I don't love you."

He was silent, his mouth hanging open and his eyes wide with shock. Jace sat completely still for a several moments. Then those several moments shifted to several hundred microts. Until he finally he rose to his feet.

"Alright," he said quietly.

"Jace ..."

"COMMANDER GUN'WIN!" Jace answered sharply.

"Please ..."

"I must be going Officer Sun. I need to inform High Command that I will be returning early."

"But ..."

He started through the hanging leaves of the tree. In the distance he saw someone slipping out of the doors of the Terra Bay, their uniform very familiar. Jace turned back around with one last message. "When you return to your chambers you can bet Crais will be there waiting."

"What?"

"Crais will be there. He will be there waiting for you like a bloodhound."

"But ..."

Jace left quickly, practically jogging across the grass of the Terra Bay.

It would be an arn before Aeryn could find the strength to leave.

It was a long walk back to her chamber some six tiers up. And if what Jace said was true, her want to get there lessened dramatically. Aeryn tried to convince herself that what she had done was necessary. She needed her constant, and her conformity, and her familiarity, and her prowler, and her command carrier. She needed all these things that Jace was trying to take away from her. Had she agreed to go with him, who knows what could've happened. Anything, that's what. Their future would have suddenly become unpredictable.

Aeryn didn't like unpredictable. Surprises and spontaneity weren't what she wanted. She wanted her constant. Her routine. Her predictability.

She wanted to know that she had prowler duty for this many arns, and then a rest period for this many. She wanted to know that she would have bridge duty so many times a weeken, and that it would be for this long, and then there would be her rest period. And she wanted to know that while her Captain wanted her immensely, he would never force her into anything.

And as she swiped her hand in front of the panel by the door to her room, she convinced herself that ending her relationship with Jace had been for the best. But when two strong arms grabbed her and threw her to her bed, her mind began wondering if she had been wrong.

Aeryn struggled to see who was pinning her down. But even in the dark she would most likely not be able to tell. So she struggled solely to free herself of the intruder trapping her beneath them.

"Get off me," Aeryn grumbled, flailing her limbs and flipping her head about.

A hand covered her mouth while another turned her over so she was on her back. Two dark eyes glared down into hers and she knew who it was. "Officer Sun ..." a rumbling voice began.

Aeryn twisted and turned in the sturdy arms that held her down. A wall of a body pressed her further into the bed and she was helpless. She tried to scream.

Her attacker growled and then struck her across the face.

She was quiet.

"I know this isn't how it should be ... but I suppose it'll do." A fat finger ran down her cheek and didn't stop when it reached her neck. It continued its journey until it settled where it wanted to be. Aeryn jumped. "And if you refuse you'll be charged with insubordination and I'll make sure you never wear an Officer's coat on my ship again."

She wanted to struggle. She wanted to scream. She wanted Jace to come and save her. She wanted to go back to the tree and go back to when she and Jace were still beneath it. She wanted to tell Jace she loved him and that she'd go into the unknown just so she wasn't here.

But that chance was gone. And as two sweaty lips covered hers, fumbling about and searching for the love from her they wouldn't find, Aeryn felt regret and sadness well up within her. It was all gone.

In the dark of her quarters, arns later, she stared at the door and wondered how many of Crais' men were keeping guard outside it. Aeryn imagined them sniggering and making crude comments about what was going on inside.

They probably didn't know the pillow beneath Aeryn's cheek was soaked with not just sweat, but tears. It was soaked through with the tears that hadn't stopped falling since Crais had decided to take a break. This wasn't what she had wanted. This wasn't part of her predictable, unchanging world. This wasn't it at all. Why? Why did this have to happen? Why couldn't she have listened and let her true feelings show? Why did she have to keep up the Peacekeeper facade she had been surrounded by since birth?

Jace had tried to change all that for her. And she could have accepted it. And she wouldn't be trapped in a bed with a bulky, sweaty body that she felt nothing for. She wouldn't be laying next to the sickest, most hideous man in her life, that had seemed so normal only arns and arns before.

Before everything ended and fell apart. Before her world shifted.

She thought she had been escaping that. She thought she had escaped back into her perfect, routine, rudimental world. But she hadn't.