Author: LeatherGirl

Disclaimer: I do not own Farscape or anything associated with Farscape. But frell do I wish I did have some part in this masterpiece of a show!

WARNING: Tissues will be needed! This is the first edition of the FNS where comedy is not the theme. There is some but not very much. To make this even more effective, listen to the saddest song you know as you read this!

*****

[The Stand is rather silent for the last day of the weeken. Nearly every seat is filled and the taps are ever-flowing. A low buzz among the inhabitants of the bar make for a slow night. John, Aeryn, D'Argo, Stark, Chiana, Rygel, Pilot and even Moya are situated at the large booth in the corner of the stand, all with solemn looks on their faces. Of course, they are all supplied with bottomless flasks of Raslac.]

Rygel: "The Big Beautiful Blue Bitch." [Shakes head and takes a drink.]

John: [Swears he spies a tear on Rygel's eye.] "Ryge, it'll be okay. Zhaan was a mother to us all. She sacrificed more than we'll ever really know so that we could live on. Somehow, I don't believe she's completely gone. She's out there somewhere." [Looks out the tiny circular window beside the booth to outer space. Tears threaten his eyes as well.]

Aeryn: "She was the most unselfish, gracious, caring being I have ever met." [Keeping her eyes trained on her flask.]

D'Argo: [His voice cracking.] "She was a stronger warrior than any I have ever known."

Chiana: "So much time wasted worrying about ourselves. She was the center of our crew. Now I feel we'll fall apart." [Tears streaming down her face.]

Stark: [Sorrowful but smiles.] "Zhaan eased our troubled souls. She sacrificed her life for ours so we could live on and carry on her will. She had such a gentle soul."

Rygel: "Yeah? Well now she's space dust." [No one laughed, even Rygel.]

John: "Sure she had her moments of insanity but doesn't everybody?" [Laughs nervously and takes a drink from his flask.]

Aeryn: "I still don't want to believe this. There was so much I had to tell her. I never really thanked her for70;" [Began to cry. John placed a comforting arm around her shoulder.]

Pilot: [In quiet voice as he looked down.] "I didn't even get to say good bye."

D'Argo: "Come one, everyone. Why can't we look back at some of the good times for once?" [Looked around at the saddened faces.] "Remember all our meals together?"

Chiana: [Giggles through her tears.] "She always had something comforting to say. We thought we were surely going to die this one time and you know what she said? She said 'let them'. At least we'll be putting them out of their misery!"

Pilot: [Laughs heartily at something Moya tells him.] "Moya and I remember the time when we met The Builders. Zhaan sucked one Builder into oblivion! You should have seen the look on his face!" [Laughs again and gets a few laughs from the others.]

Aeryn: "She always put up a good fight. She knew the right, how do you say it John? Right emblem to depress?" [John smiled slightly and nodded his head.]

John: "The right buttons to push. Yes, she was a survivor like the rest of us. I had to laugh when she told me she was a plant. I mean really. A plant with a breasts? Beauty and compassion? Tell me you've never seen anything like it70;oh wait, you probably have, never mind."

Stark: "I feel I have a part of her within me now. My soul is much more at peace."

Rygel: "Do you think you'll start turning a shade of blue and grown extra limbs in the form of leaves?" [Snorts.] "Let's drink to Zhaan, shall we?"

[All lift flasks towards each other like John taught them do to so long ago and toast to Zhaan.]

Stark: "The unity was great!"

Aeryn: [Smiles and nods in agreement.] "It is70;was amazing, wasn't it?" [John smiles in remembrance but does not comment.]

Chiana: [Not wanting to see the sadness or even feel it any longer.] "Remember, remember the time when70;when Zhaan was so sure we were all going to die and acted more terrified than a Draz out of Hezmana? Ha! She had us all fooled. She was an exceptional tease." [A pleased look passes over Chiana's face.]

Pilot: "The best times I ever remember Zhaan having was here at the stand. Remember when she dressed as Chiana for Halloween? She just wanted to be a tralk for once instead of the ever peaceful being she always was." [Laughs with Moya and Chiana.]

D'Argo: "Except that wasn't really even her. Did anyone ever figure out who they were anyway?" [Silence followed with a nod of heads.]

Aeryn: "She loved your catnip and other herbs you mentioned awhile back, John. She was so curious."

Stark: [Dreamily.] "We had our own special place under the booth70;." [Others roll their eyes.]

Rygel: "Ha ha! She definitely knew the right places to touch!" [Pictures Zhaan rubbing his ears. Rygel's left leg begins to thump on his throne sled. Yes, Rygel doesn't even bother with the booths70;why should he when he can hover like a worshipful Dominar should?]

John: "For an eight-hundred-cycle-old plant, she sure could kick some eema!" [Laughs a little.]

Chiana: "Do you think she's happy wherever she is? Do you think she has met her Goddess?" [Curiously looks to the others.]

Stark: "I believe she has."

Pilot: [Shakes head, nearly hitting D'Argo in the forehead.] "She has touched us all in ways we shall never forget. She has seen more than she could have ever dreamed. She had touched lives she will never even meet. I believe Zhaan is well where she wants to be."

[Silence falls amongst the group. They occasionally bring up more happy memories of Zhaan and drink to her at every new round of alcohol. The night grows late and the bar is nearly empty.]

Chiana: "She was like my mother. I'm going to miss her." [Bursts into tears and D'Argo pulls her close. Pilot looks down sorrowfully and Stark moves over to comfort both him and Moya. Aeryn has her arm around John and vice versa and Rygel is seated on Aeryn's lap. His throne sled is left temporarily forgotten nearby.]

Aeryn: "We're lost. Who will guide us through now? Who will we go to for peace of mind?" [Her questions remain unanswered.]

Stark: [As if in denial.] "She didn't have to sacrifice herself. We would have found another way70;we always do."

John: [Nearly to tears.] "There was so much I had to say. So much I had to apologize for70;I did this to her!" [John stands up and slams his flask into the wall nearby.]

[Moya nervously swirls out of the way and the others stare at John as he slowly sinks back down to his seat, tears streaming down his own face. Unsure of what to do, since Zhaan is usually the one to comfort with words and actions, the crew glances at each other. They all gather towards John and hug him. Even Moya gives John a caring nudge. John, one who has a lot to be sad and angered about, smiles and hugs back. Outside, through the window of the stand, Zhaan's heavenly blue aura floats peacefully by. Scene fades to black.]

*****

Zhaan and everyone else who has ever died during the cycles aboard Moya in the UT has been mourned for equally. (I wish I had done an edition like this for Aeryn as well.) Zhaan's death, however, seems even more sad because she was a center, a figure who like one's mother, was always thought to be there through the past, present, and future guiding us through life. I personally believe Zhaan will be back. Refer to Edition 2.5 or 2.6 if you don't believe me! The episode StW: Wait for the Wheel has to be one of the best yet. It was beautifully written, acted, and produced. I felt just as sad as the crew when she atomized. The episode gave her death more feel of being permanent than Aeryn's death. Somehow, I don't think she'll be back quite that soon. Let's hope I'm proved wrong. Back to what I wanted to say initially. Zhaan's resources had been all used up. Death was her rejuvenation. Here's a flask to the memory of Zhaan and the hopeful day of her return!

www.geocities.com/fellipnectarstand

www.geocities.com/fanficawards2002