Carousel

How easy it was for him to sit there and tell me to give her time. He didn't see the look in her eyes. The complete coldness, colder than the ice planet where I killed her that first time. It was hard then. I never thought it could feel worse than when I thought she was gone forever. But this, this is much worse. To see her here, to watch her walk, breathe, be, and to know I am nothing to her. I have never felt so desolate in my life.

Our relationship had always been like a carousel, wonderful, exciting, but constantly going in circles. Plenty of ups and downs, but I always knew the direction we were going. The chase always seemed insane, following the horse in front, knowing I could never catch it, but always, a small hope, like a little kid at the fun fair. Kids believe anything is possible, none of the rules apply. Their wonderful innocence makes them truly believe that they will catch the horse in front, just so long as they have enough money to keep riding. Well, it looks like I am all out of quarters this time. Time to catch the last bus home. Time to find Scorpy, to end this mess, all of this mess, me included.

I'm no longer scared of dying, living is much more frightening, now. But hey, I am still my fathers son, gotta go out swinging, leave the room a hero. Huh, what a joke that has turned out to be. All I have done is led people to pain and death, people I care about, people I love. Some hero. So, I have told them my plan. I know I may have to do this on my own. I know she will not come, I am no longer important to her, I am the other one, inferior somehow, some cardboard cut out of a man she loved. She will not come. I don't want the others to come either, they are my friends now, the closest thing to family I have, and I don't want to endanger them, but the practical side of me knows I can't do this alone.

So I stand here waiting for a response. Waiting for someone to step forward. And my breath catches. She moves, slowly at first, then with more vigour. And she heads towards me, towards the door no doubt, to leave the chamber, to find a new life, without the painful reminder my face must be other. She is next to me now, and I wait for her to take that next step, the one that will lead from me forever, the final nail in my coffin, the step that will leave me a dead man walking.