I have approximately one hundred and forty four patients under my care at
Roaming Hills State Hospital in sunny California. Most people say that’s a
pretty impressive number for a guy who can’t seem to find sanity in his own
life. What this means for me is that I’m on call at 2:45 in the morning
when one of them decides they can fly. Now don’t get me wrong, this isn’t
some high security building filled with rapists and serial killers. My
staff and I work under a minimum level of stress. Of course, that doesn’t
include the stress we induce on ourselves.
It was a Monday morning, I believe, when patient one hundred and forty five
was put under my supervision. At first glance, she appeared to be just
another unhinged older woman who didn’t know how to cope with being alone
after a long marriage. That was all speculation on my part. We do this
thing where we try to guess the patients before looking at their charts.
Never mind. This woman, Aeryn Sun she called herself, (had to check the
spelling on that one) certainly didn’t look insane, just quiet. Very, very
quiet.
My wife had decided to wake me up late that morning which I greatly
appreciated at the time. Not so good when the paycheck gets messed with.
In between fixing my tie and drinking a glass of orange juice, I was in the
car about five minutes before go time. Traffic on the way to the hospital
is always a bitch and that Monday was worse than most. I found myself
having to explain about an accident to a cadre of ill-tempered nurses with
cattle prods. Somewhere deep down, they all love me. Very deep down.
There was another complaint sitting on my desk when I got in. One is
actually a good thing. Most days I get about two to three hundred of them.
Fifty percent come from employees. This one had been taken down by Jane
Sprick, our chief nurse and my absolute guiding light. Jane’s the type of
person every working company needs. Soft but with a strong base in mortal
combat. She had taken it down for one of the patients.
“New girl screamed all night.” I read the words aloud to myself and
sighed. What new girl? The complaint was written in shaky blue ink, which
meant Jim had written it. Jim was the only patient on the third floor of
our wonderful hospital. He’s not dangerous, we’re just understaffed at the
moment. There had been no new girl when I left for home on Friday. The
weekend guy had probably checked her in. I would have to investigate.
Aeryn Sun had indeed screamed all night. This was not uncommon in and of
itself. Most new patients had a little fit to settle in among the others.
Living here takes some getting used to. I found Aeryn sitting quietly on
her bed. A white strip around her wrist identified her as #145. The first
thing that struck me was her face. She looked old, but not my grandmother
old. A few wrinkles here and there. Some stray grey hairs. It was the
expression that made her look ancient. Like she’d been to hell and stayed
a while before coming back.
"Who are you?” That’s actually the topic of our first official session but
I’ll get to that later. She spoke in perfect English but with an accent I
couldn’t for the life of me identify. “My name is Dr. Phillips. I’m here
to help you.” Aeryn smiled at this. I’ve never seen a more beautiful sigh
in my life (don’t tell the wife). She seemed to be recalling something
very funny. I didn’t think an inquiry would gain anything. “Do you need
something?” I asked this of all my patients. It helped to start off the
relationship. Aeryn stared at me. “Do you have any chocolate?”
I called Jane at the front office and asked her to bring me up a peanut
butter cup from the lobby. Aeryn took the brown disk in her and sniffed it
carefully. “What? You don’t like Reece’s?” She frowned at me. I feared
that I had somehow spoiled the moment. “You can go now.” The words came
out matter-of-factly. As if she was giving me leave. It didn’t make sense
to try for anything else then. It would be months before we had another
chance.
For three months, Aeryn Sun left her room only to eat and take a run in the
gym. We have an ancient walking machine that she grew attached to. Jane
tells me her first time was actually quite strange. Aeryn had climbed onto
the machine and began to run. When told it moved, she had nodded as if it
was obvious. They watched her try to figure out the controls until she
smashed her fists into them. The machine started to move. Knowing what I
do now, I wish I could have seen her then.
The Lunch room can turn into a zoo when the patients start to get rowdy.
No nurse will go near the place when they’re like that. I made the
unfortunate mistake of entering without a cattle prod handy. Then again,
maybe it was a good thing after all. It got me a date with the elusive
Aeryn Sun.
I was making my way through the maze of tables when I spotted her. She
always sat alone and ate with almost military precision. No two foods
touched each other on the plate. Distracted, I never saw Petey take the
fork from his pocket (they’re not supposed to have forks!!). Petey is our
most dangerous patient. He’s not disturbed, just rebellious. Up until
that day, it was just a game. After, we had him sent to a high security
facility. I felt the cold steel press against my neck. Drops of saliva
scattered across my face. Petey stuttered.
“How does it feel Dock?” I thought it sounded like a bad movie star
impression. Though I can’t tell you which one. “How does it feel when
someone else has your life in their hands?” The fork went deeper. I felt
something warm and wet touch my skin. The damn utensil was rusty. There
were shouts of approval from some of the others. I had never realized
there was so much animosity towards me. It hurt somehow, though not more
than a fork at the throat.
What happened next I expected even less. There was the sound of footsteps
smacking across the tiled floor. I always hated those tiles. Petey cried
out in pain and I felt the pressure leave my neck. The fork clattered to
the ground as did I. It may be of interest to whoever reads this to know
that poor Petey never used his right hand again. Aeryn Sun had crushed it
with her own. She knelt down beside me with a concerned look on her face.
“Are you alright?” The words seemed to come from far away.
About a week after that, I returned to Aeryn’s room with a bandage on my
neck. She inquired about my health and acted more open than I had ever
known her to be. “Was it the sight of me in mortal danger that finally
woke you up?” Her face bore the look of confusion. “Why would it?” I
shrugged and waited for her to say something else. She kept me waiting for
quite some time. That’s when I noticed the ring. It wasn’t on one of her
fingers. Aeryn held it in her left hand. “So this is about a guy.” This
angered her. “And if it is?”
I didn’t get any details out of her at that meeting. But Aeryn did agree
to speak with me the next day. Delighted, I brought along a tape recorder
and paper. While wary of them, she allowed me to use them. Aeryn Sun gave
me five interviews before going back to wherever she came from. They are
included below. Perhaps you will think she’s crazy. I don’t.
Session 1, 1/5/61 - Who are you? -
Patient is docile and cooperative.
(DP): Let’s start with a question. Who are you?
Patient is quiet for several minutes
(AS): I was born on the command carrier Itzak. My parents were both
soldiers. They’re dead.
I-.
Patient appears conflicted. Proceeds.
(AS): I can’t explain what a command carrier is until you know about the
peacekeepers.
I’m beginning to see a pattern here.
(DP): Let’s hold off on that for the moment. Why are you here?
(DP): Congratulations, you’ve aged very well. (Patient blushes)
Patient laughs at something. She won’t share it with me.
(DP): Back to your husband. How did you two meet? Was he Sebacean?
Note: Checked out the name. Real guy but he supposedly died in a space
shuttle experiment. Spooky.
(DP): Moya? Never mind for now.
Patient becomes emotional. A scary sight actually. That stare alone could
punch a hole through a brick wall. Apparently this is a sensitive subject.
(AS): John was crazy. This place is as good as any to see if he was right
about you. (Through tears)
Patient nods and then stands to leave the room. I notice something now.
She walks like a soldier. My father was in the army. I recognize it.
Aeryn seems to have created some vast fantasy world. But to what end?
End of session 1
-January 9th, 2061-
My wife was pissed as hell at me last night. We have this sort of unspoken
rule about not bringing work home with us. As involving as my job may be,
I always manage to leave it within the depressingly white walls of Roaming
Hills. The problem is, last night it found me. It was about 12:45 when
the phone rang. Lydia must have sensed who it was on the other line
because she was mad before I got a chance to answer it. That woman scares
me sometimes. This is a case file though, and I shouldn’t be talking about
my personal life.
The call was from Nurse Sprick back at the hospital. This worried me right
off the bat because Jane never calls unless there’s an emergency.
Thankfully, the situation wasn’t as bad as I had thought. Then again, she
probably wouldn’t agree with me on that one. It appeared that Aeryn Sun,
patient #145, wasn’t following the rules. I must say that I was a bit
worried about what exactly that meant.
Jane refuses to write in the case files for some reason that I cannot even
begin to imagine. As always, we fight over it for a little while until I
agree to do it myself. Here is a second hand account of what occurred
early this morning:
One of our sternest rules here at the hospital is that patients may not
have anything that can be used as a weapon. I can personally vouch for the
practicality of this rule (see opening remarks). According to Nurse
Sprick, she found our patient in the gym with what appeared to be a thin
piece of brown metal. Now, I have no idea where Aeryn would have hidden
this object. Nor do I wish to find out. But rules are rules, especially
if not all your lights are on.
It’s safe to say that Nurse Sprick’s attempt to retrieve the object did not
go well. Despite her training in subduement and defense, she wasn’t able
to get it back. To put it bluntly, Aeryn had kicked my chief nurse’s ass.
Needless to say, Jane was quite upset about having to sport a cast to work
the next day. She didn’t seem disturbed by the pain though. I’ll have to
bring the matter up at Aeryn’s next session.
Session 2, 1/10/61 - Peacekeepers -
Patient is noticeably more fidgety today. She appears to be nervous about
something.
(DP): Are you ready Aeryn?
Patient proceeds to think for about ten minutes.
(AS): Frell it, I’m ready.
I’m getting ahead of myself.
(DP): You were born on the Itzak? A command carrier I believe you
said.
Patient’s face tightens up. She looks like she wants to cry but doesn’t.
At least never in front of me.
(AS): A mother and a father. But I was never aloud to see them. None of
us were allowed to see our parents.
Abandonment issues? Perhaps killing is metaphor for divorce.
(DP): What happened when you met your mother?
Maternal issues? Maybe not so alien after all.
(DP): So you were a peacekeeper for how long?
This could be very important
(AS): There was a man I knew. His name was....
The reference to killing again. Following in her mother’s footsteps?
Possible problems relating to men.
(DP): Why did you kill him?
(Peace) (keeper) Possible bad experiences early on with men. Attempts to
make the other happy leaving her empty?
(AS): Is this helping?
No identity. Defined by her affiliations.
(DP): So how did you go from a peacekeeper to this?
Door opens before we can continue. Nurse Sprick enters.
(AS): Is this a group session now?
(DP): You mean a real doctor?
Nurse Sprick exits. Patient appears hostile.
(DP): What’s wrong Aeryn?
We’ve lost our focus for today.
(DP): I think we should stop for today. We can talk about Moya next
time.
Patient doesn’t answer right away. I suddenly realize she’s looking at my
wedding ring.
(AS): I don’t want to talk to you anymore for today. Don’t come to my room
and don’t send your friend to steal my things.
She’s staring at me. It’s uncomfortable as hell. I suddenly realize-.
(AS): Jenevia.
Patient stands up and walks out of the room.
End of Session 2
There’s definitely a pattern emerging here. No, I’m not talking about the
short sessions. Most of my patients can’t talk for long periods of time.
This whole thing with Aeryn’s parents and the man Velorek. The
abandonment/divorce angle seems to fit but I’m not quite sure yet. That’s
reason enough for her to be distant. People closed off from the world are
likely to make up their own as a substitute. True, never have I seen
something quite this complete.
I’m going to try and find out what Aeryn did to get in here. It wasn’t
listed on her file and may give a clue as to what’s really going on.
There’s still so much she hasn’t told me yet. I think John Crichton and
the living ship idea must figure in big time. A stable support structure?
A surrogate mother figure?
-January 13th, 2061-
Ok, I’m going to make a sweeping generalization. Stand back. Police
officers do not know how to write case reports. After our meeting, I got
in contact with the local p.d. and asked for Aeryn’s file. There’s
something about all this that I’m still not getting. Sure, plenty of
patients come in here and claim to be things they’re not. I’ve had someone
claim to be Pauly Shore. Who the hell would claim to be Pauly Shore?
Anyway, after some haggling, the cop on desk duty told me to come over and
pick the file up.
From what I’ve heard of Aeryn’s story, there are already some tried and
true patterns emerging. But there’s got to be a trigger somewhere in
there. Patients can usually recall a moment when their delusions started.
Even if they don’t believe the delusion part. Aeryn’s story is just that.
A story with an ending and an up-to-date chronology. Of course, I haven’t
heard everything yet. Maybe that one moment is still inside her waiting to
be heard.
Regarding the police report, It wasn’t exactly the eye-opening bit of
information I was hoping for. The cited reason for arrest was assault on a
police officer. That doesn’t warrant getting sent to the looney bin.
Apparently, the hardware she was packing did the trick. As I said above,
policemen aren’t poets so I’ll have to paraphrase.
About a week before Aeryn Sun arrived here at Roaming Hills State Hospital,
she was spotted walking down Main and Westmont. That’s just down the
street from my house actually. Lydia goes shopping there all the time with
her girlfriends, when I’m too busy working. The incident occurred at an
electronics store called Wireless Joe’s. It seems this Joe is quite a
perceptive guy. He spotted a woman dressed head-to-toe in leather coming
into his store. Aeryn was wearing hospital blue the first time I saw her.
The item in question was one of those ancient tape recorder things you find
in the novelty shops, the ones that still require an actual tape. Aeryn
tried to walk out of the store with it. Mr. Joe called the police and then
approached our resident alien. A short description was listed on the file
and I’m including it below.
(J): Hey, you gonna pay for that?
It doesn’t really sound like the Aeryn I’ve been speaking with and this
next part doesn’t either. Aeryn pulled out a black gun-like object and
started firing wildly. No bullets were found at the scene. A baseball bat
was found and some strange burn marks on the floor. When the cops arrived,
Aeryn turned her weapon on them. Nothing happened.
The guy at the front desk wouldn’t let me see the gun. He did say that it
looked like one of those ray guns you buy your kids for Christmas. Well, I
don’t have any kids and that sounds like the biggest cliche in the history
of unconventional psychiatry. A woman claiming to be an alien fires at
police with a strange weapon that no one can get to work. It looks like a
gun, it feels like a gun, but alas, it is not a gun.
After that, it’s pretty much standard stuff. Aeryn was taken into custody
and put in prison. Her fingerprints didn’t show up in the database but
that’s not terribly unusual. Besides trying to kill innocent shopkeepers,
Aeryn found her way into my clutches by screaming all night and attempting
to talk into a small brown object that was never recovered. That sounds
familiar.
Session 3, 1/15/61 - Moya -
Patient enters the room alone and sits in her chair. It’s important to
know that she’s no longer accompanied by a hospital attendant (someone’s
always watching though). She’s been allowed some walking time outside.
Thus far, Aeryn hasn’t abused the privilege.
(DP): Before we get started, have you enjoyed being outside?
She hasn’t had a reason? As in not yet?
(AS): We’re not going to talk about it are we?
Some might call that a contradictory statement.
(AS): How can you tell the difference?
She’s getting ahead of me again. I think this could be what I’ve been
looking for.
(DP): Save John for next time. I want to keep him separate for the moment.
Tell me about these others.
Crap! She didn’t like that.
(AS): No, I guess not.
Patient drops me back to human every time I seem to hit a nerve. She’s not
telling me everything.
(DP): Ok then. Who’s Rygel?
Pilot a friend and Rygel a rival? Somehow I can’t see a fat little slug
competing with her. Maybe the descriptions are figurative after all.
(DP): So at one point you got along?
I’m definitely getting a negative/positive vibe from this one. What the
textbooks call a love/hate relationship....
(AS): Then there’s D’Argo. I was wrong about him right from the start.
I have an older brother. He only seemed smart when I was young and stupid.
(AS): I miss him.
Patient mumbles something to herself. It seems like anger but I can see
that she’s still smiling.
(DP): What was that?
hate/hate relationship?
(DP): You two didn’t like each other?
!!!!! I’d have to check my notes to be sure. I think that’s the first time
that Aeryn’s used the word love.
(AS): Chiana was a Nebari. Where she came from, there was only one way to
grow up. Now that I think of it, our upbringing wasn’t all that different.
Chiana was her own person long before me. I think I envied her. Saw in
her opportunities I never got to have.
Patient leans forward in her chair and closes her eyes. These people she
talks about, they’re definitely important. Whoever they are and wherever
they came from, it seems that Aeryn’s change stems from them. An assault
from several different personalities and cultures would definitely
challenge a rigid soldier like the one she describes. If its true at all.
(DP): All of you living together in an enclosed space, it’s a wonder you
didn’t kill each other.
Patient whips up to look at me. There’s something hard in her eyes all of
the sudden. I suddenly feel cold.
(AS): Zhaan.
Mother figure! Her real one definitely didn’t fill the job requirement.
This Zhaan seems like a likely candidate.
(DP): What’s Zhaan?
Tricky answer to that one. Abandoned children usually feel like they’re
unworthy of love. Patient doesn’t seem to have that problem. Something
else though. Maybe worse.
(DP): What happened to Zhaan?
Patient pulls something out of her pocket. It’s the little brown object.
Her hands seem to go limp as she touched it. She’s looking up at me now.
I think that’s my cue to leave.
(DP): You want to stop for today?
I don’t answer and she doesn’t wait for me to reply. Patient stands and
leaves the room. The door slams hard. This could take a very long time.
Something tells me she’s not willing to commit. Then why didn’t she try to
escape? My head hurts.
End of Session 3
- January 17th, 2061 -
How should I proceed? What can I possibly to do snap this woman out of her
delusions? Sorry, but I’ve been hit by a wave of self-doubt in the last
few hours. It’s around eleven at night and I’m barricaded in my study.
The phone’s off the hook (who would call at this hour anyway?) and Lydia’s
been told to stay clear. She isn’t happy about this. In fact, I’d go so
far as to say that she’s very upset. That little rule I talked about
before, not bringing work home, it’s been thrown out the window.
Aeryn’s session notes are spread out in front of me. So many different
clues to follow. The adopted family with issues to go around. A whole
sore patch with her real one. This Crichton guy, he’s definitely on my
list. But where does this all lead? There’s no point in pooling all this
garbled information if I’m not going to do anything with it. Maybe it’s
something we haven’t covered yet. I still don’t know what went down with
Crichton. What he may have done to her. The peacekeeper she talks about
isn’t the person I’ve met. Yes, it’s got to be this guy.
Now, aside from all these people, what’ve we got. I took a recording of
her voice to a colleague of mine. Actually, he’s an old buddy from
college. This guy specializes in dialects. If her accent is Earth-born,
he’d know. Sounds crazy right? Well, there’s nothing wrong with covering
all the bases. Surprise, surprise. He’s never heard anything like it
before. Does that make her an alien? I’m not that open minded.
What’s been really burning my ass lately is the brown object. There’s a
fragile trust between a doctor and his patient. I can’t just go in and
take it. Nurse Sprick is proof enough that Aeryn’s not going to let it go
willingly. Let’s not involve Jane any further. Better not to agitate the
patient. Should I go in while she’s sleeping? It doesn’t seem right. I
get the feeling that Aeryn will catch me and she won’t let it go. I’ll see
how this next session goes. Maybe things will be clearer then.
Session 4, 1/20/61 - Crichton -
Patient flatly refused to come to the interview room today. After much
pleading, she agreed to hold the session in her room. Never done this
before. I almost feel like an intruder. Aeryn isn’t helping.
(DP): Hello Aeryn. Are you feeling better today?
She’s referring to Nurse Sprick. Been that way since session 2.
(DP): Everyone has to take them. We can’t make an exception.
Patient freezes up. I can see a distant look in her eyes. She’s
remembering something. There’s no doubt this has huge significance. Have
to let her tell the story.
(AS): We met that first time on Moya. I was a peacekeeper, he wasn’t
anything to me.
Patient smiles. She nods her head but doesn’t answer.
(DP): So, what happened after that? Why did you go with him?
Not even going to try and explain that.
(DP): So it was John or death?
Patient appears angry.
(AS): Well, at least I know it wasn’t a line. I didn’t understand it then
either.
She isn’t angry anymore. That smile is back. I think John must have loved
that smile.
(AS): Something a peacekeeper is never supposed to feel.
The brown object! I can’t believe I didn’t notice it before. Patient is
wearing a brown overcoat from our dress-up closet. The brown thing is
stuck to the shirt she’s wearing underneath. Patient reaches for it every
few minutes.
(AS): He offered to take me to Earth. I had nowhere to go and he offered
himself.
Patient looks up at me for a moment. She shakes her head and then
continues.
(AS): The flax.
She taps the brown thing. I’m getting a good look now. Some sort of
communication device?
(AS): What are you looking at?
Patient flinches. No explanation.
(AS): I got stabbed.
(DP): What? How?
She’s still got some soldier in her. I’m afraid to even mention the name
again.
(DP): If we’re going to skip it, you have to tell me where to go next.
Note to self: pause next time Lydia yells at me.
(DP): But you didn’t tell him.
Royal Planet? I’ll just have to let her explain this one.
(DP): What happened there?
Patient looks up as someone passes by the window. I’m looking now too.
It’s Jane.
(AS): Isn’t that convenient.
Oh-oh. I thought we’d covered this already. What the hell am I supposed
to do? Think of the line, think of the line.
(DP): Who is she?
Oh shit.
(DP): (I blurted this out) I did not sleep with Nurse Sprick!
I might want to consider editing that last part out.
(DP): How did everything get fixed?
Patient nods and manages a weak smile.
(DP): So why didn’t you tell him then? You loved him didn’t you?
(AS): John saw things. Things that were only real for him. They made him
do things. Made him tell his secrets.
The idea that springs to mind is that Crichton showed his true colors.
Maybe he wasn’t such a good guy after all. Aeryn might not be able to deal
with that after so much bottled up emotion. But that doesn’t explain the
fifty-five year marriage she spoke about. Kind of blows my theory out of
the water.
(DP): How did John get over it?
Wtf?
(DP): Literally?
!!!!!! “I’m alive and she’s dead.” This is what she was talking about.
Mother figure gives up life for daughter. Could definitely make something
out of that. But what?
(DP): I think we should stop for today.
Patient lies back in her bed and closes her eyes. She looks tired and
almost vulnerable like that. I don’t really need to understand anything.
I don’t think that’s possible anymore. But I need a break before hearing
the rest. This story is too complicated for me. I should probably be
passing it on to someone more qualified. Sure, after I hear what happens.
End of Session 4
$15 isn’t such a bad deal for a tape recorder. I keep thinking back to
that moment. What she said about Crichton. He paused. Whatever there was
between them, I can’t understand it. That fact, no matter how small it may
feel, has been plaguing me since yesterday. Aeryn isn’t crazy. I can’t
explain that statement. Can’t even begin to comprehend what my superiors
will say when they read this mess. I stopped at Wireless Joe’s this
morning before coming to work.
It was just as I’d imagined it. A small silver box with the plastic tape
holder. Some brand that’s long gone into bankruptcy. Paid for it out of
my own pocket. This isn’t a technique for therapy, I just don’t know what
else to do. Aeryn Sun isn’t an alien. I don’t believe that. Aliens don’t
exist. If they did, doesn’t it make sense that they wouldn’t have to worry
about stuff like this? She wanted the tape recorder, I’m going to give it
to her. Maybe she’ll get what she wants. The puzzle could be solved, and
at least I’ll be content.
I went home last night and looked at my wife. Lydia was asleep in our bed.
Her face isn’t as harsh when she’s gone to wherever she was. She looks
happy for the first time in I can’t remember how long. Did I do this?
Have I kept my feelings hidden because I couldn’t face them? Listen to me,
I should have the cell next to Aeryn’s. The situation at work, with Jane.
It’s gone on long enough. I love my wife. I need my wife. Lydia needs
me.
I’m going to put the tape recorder in her room. Aeryn can take it from
there.
Session 5, 1/25/61 - The Rest -
Patient comes willingly to the interview room. She knocks softly on the
door before entering. I’m jotting notes down. Aeryn isn’t my only
patient. The alleged alien smiles at me. I can see the red in her eyes.
She’s been crying.
(DP): I hope those are happy tears.
Something’s definitely happened since the last time. No trace of the
soldier here. Aeryn’s wearing the brown object again. She’s not hiding
it.
(DP): I was hoping we could start from where we left off.
(AS): Zhaan gave her life for mine. I couldn’t waste the chance.
Why am I bothering? Death as cleansing tool, washes away their past
mistakes for a fresh start. It could be a metaphor for anything.
(DP): It didn’t matter?
Her voice got lower on that last part. Something’s going to happen.
They’re not out of it yet. Listen to me.
(DP): So you lived happily ever after?
Soap Opera time.
(DP): So you had to choose between them?
Back to the abandonment issues. Or maybe not. Mothers with abusive
husbands have done violent things to protect their children. It’s possible
that she could feel resentment towards the child.
(DP): What happened between you?
Patient is starting to break up. She isn’t crying but her ears looked
glazed over. Her entire face looks like its screaming in pain. It’s
making me uncomfortable.
(AS): She chose death over me. But Crais didn’t kill her.
She blames herself for what happened. It’s good to know there’s a light at
the end of this tunnel.
(DP): He died.
I already had the impression that she revered him. This Crichton sounds
like a bonafide hero.
(AS): He was a hero, and heroes always get killed.
I hadn’t really thought of that. All this time I figured she was humoring
me. No choice but to spill the beans to the doctor. Maybe she just needed
to tell someone. Maybe I’m the one getting therapy. Freaky.
(AS): I couldn’t see anything more for myself. Not without him. My grief
was too strong.
Patient closes her eyes. She looks older than she did a few minutes ago.
The pain’s still there after so long. That kind of pain never goes away.
(DP): I don’t need to hear anymore. We can move on.
No more bull-sh**. There’s definitely growth in what she’s telling me.
The peacekeeper in her isn’t strong enough to hold back the emotion.
(DP): What snapped you out of it?
She knows exactly what I’m talking about.
(DP): That you’d been with the other guy.
(AS): You brought that on yourself.
Patient smiles through her teary expression. I don’t want to pity her.
She doesn’t seem like the type of person who would need it. Aeryn’s strong
despite all that’s happened. I admire that at least.
(DP): You two went after Scorpius? To kill him?
There’s a loud pop and we both jump out of our seats. Well, Aeryn didn’t
jump. She just stood to attention. I don’t see anyone outside. Plus, the
noise seemed to be coming from her direction.
(DP): Did you hear that?
Patient stands and walks out of the room. I don’t move from my seat. She
just ended the session. I feel like I could write a book. Psychology
textbook or sci-fi novel? I have no idea. Every instinct is telling me
that Aeryn’s telling the truth. Common sense isn’t that important anyway.
End of Session 5
- January 26th, 2061 -
The call came at six this morning. Nurse Sprick and the others were doing
their sunrise check. Aeryn wasn’t in her cell. She was gone. I kissed
Lydia goodbye and raced to work. Everything out the window of my car was a
blur. The world had tipped over on its side and all the contents were
spilling out. Come on, let me be dramatic for a little longer. I’ve
earned that much.
There were police cars outside the hospital when I got there. The officer
that brought Aeryn in was standing at the front desk. He didn’t look
pleased to see me and I responded in kind. He reiterated what Jane had
said over the phone. Patient #145 was no longer on the premises. I
ignored him and went to her room. The bed was properly made. It was as if
no one had lived there for the past few months. Who had lived there?
I thought back to everything Aeryn had told me. Aliens, spaceships,
interstellar wormholes. None of it made sense to me. Then something
snapped. The roof! If I was going back to outer space, where would I go?
There’s a twisted form of common sense.
She wasn’t on the roof. There isn’t anything to hide behind but I searched
anyway. Aeryn Sun had shared something about herself with me. Then she
vanished into thin air. Well, almost. I did find something on that roof.
The sun was shining over my head and everything was lit up for the world to
see. A small brown object lay on the floor. The same thing she wore to
our sessions. I picked it up and ran my fingers over it. The metal was
cold.
It frelling beeped! (I actually said her word) The little brown thing
beeped when I touched it. I spoke into it. Tried to contact whoever was
on the other end. There was no answer. I kept the brown object and it’s
in my pocket as I write this. My one connection to a world that may or may
not exist. Aeryn Sun’s world. John Crichton must have died with a smile
on his face.
The End
-February 9, 2061-
subject: Aeryn Sun
age: undetermined
status: Under Review
(DP)Dr. Phillips
(AS)Aeryn Sun
(AS): My name is Aeryn Sun. What else?
(DP): That’s your name. I want to know details about you. What makes you
Aeryn Sun?
(DP): Ok, hold on a second. I’m a bit confused. What is a command
carrier?
(DP): Like the U.N. forces?
(AS): I have no idea what the frell you’re talking about.
(DP): Hold on a second.
(AS): Well, John always wanted me to see it. The real Earth I mean. After
he died, finding his home felt like the right thing to do.
(DP): John would be your husband? (I chose to ignore the Earth comment)
(AS): For the last fifty-five cycles, yes.
(DP): I take it that cycles are years. (Patient nods) May I inquire about
your age?
(AS): Ninety one “years”
(AS): Sebacean life-spans are longer than human’s.
(DP): Ok, I’ll bite. So you’re an alien?
(AS): I’m Sebacean. We look like humans but tend to be superior in most
respects.
(AS): Oh no. He was human like you.
(DP): What’s his last name?
(AS): This is confidential right? You won’t say anything?
(DP): I swear.
(AS): His name was John Crichton. I met him on Moya.
(AS): A living ship.
(DP): I’m interested in why you decided to come to Earth. How did John
die?
(DP): About me?
(AS): About humans. The first time, he died of radiation exposure.
Recently, it was old age.
(DP): I’m very sorr-. Did you just say what I think you just said?
(AS): Which part?
(DP): About him dying twice.
(AS): He did.
(DP): I see. How did that happen?
(AS): Frell you! I knew you wouldn’t believe what I had to say. I don’t
need this you know. Pilot said it would help but-.
(DP): Wait please. I just need to understand where this is all coming
from. Maybe you could start from the beginning.
(AS): That could take a while.
(DP): Ok, how about we meet again in a few days?
subject: Aeryn Sun
age: 91 (probably closer to 40)
status: Under Review
(DP)Dr. Phillips
(AS)Aeryn Sun
(JS)Jane Sprick
(AS): I may have changed my mind.
(DP): May I ask why?
(AS): Shut up, I’m trying to think.
(DP): You spoke about the peacekeepers last time. Why don’t we start with
that?
(AS): (breaths deeply) A majority of Sebaceans are either bred to military
service or enlisted by their parents as children. Their purpose is to keep
order (sarcastically).
(DP): And you are a peacekeeper?
(AS): I was a peacekeeper. Not anymore.
(AS): It’s their largest vessel. A floating fortress. I was born and
raised on the Itzak. It’s where I became a soldier.
(DP): What about parents?
(DP): So you don’t know who they are?
(AS): (hesitates) I met my mother cycles later. But she wasn’t the same
person anymore.
(DP): Explain that.
(AS): Peacekeepers aren’t supposed to form attachments to sexual partners
or children. My parents broke that rule with me.
(DP): They were reprimanded?
(AS): My mother was forced to kill my father in order to save me. Whatever
love she held onto died with him.
(AS): No.
(DP): You don’t want to talk about it?
(AS): Move on now please.
(AS): I was a peacekeeper for 28 cycles. (Shame, maybe, on her face)
(DP): But you weren’t like the others?
(AS): I was no better than any other. There were very few special
ones.
(DP): Special how?
(DP): Yes?
(AS): His name was Velorek. He was special.
(DP): You look unhappy. What happened to Vel-, him?
(AS): I killed him.
(AS): I was afraid.
(DP): (I think I’m getting this) Afraid to admit you were special too?
(AS): Things were very different back then.
(DP): I can see that.
(DP): Definitely.
(AS): I don’t see how. John was always so frelling fond of talking. I
suppose it makes sense to you.
(DP): Communication helps us understand who we are.
(AS): But I wasn’t anyone back then.
(AS): To what?
(DP): You’re a very complex person Aeryn. That doesn’t happen
overnight.
(AS): Is that a polite way of saying I’m mentally unbalanced?
(DP): (how to answer that?) People, any kind of people, are complicated.
You broke free from a very rigid mind set. I want to know how that
happened.
(AS): Moya.
(DP): Just hold on a minute Aeryn. What’s wrong Jane?
(JS): I just wanted to say goodnight. My replacement’s just arrived.
(DP): I thought you were scheduled until tonight?
(JS): Doctor’s appointment.
(JS): You said that, not me. Next time my fragile sense of self fractures,
I’ll stop in.
(DP): See you tomorrow then.
(AS): (voice low) You shouldn’t do that. It hurts.
(DP): Do what?
(AS): Don’t give me that dren. That’s shit for you, human. You know.
(DP): JA-, Nurse Sprick? Is this about her trying to take your thing
away?
(AS): It’s mine! She has no right to take it from me.
(DP): There are rules Aeryn.
(AS): Don’t tell me about rules. It’s quite obvious.
(AS): If that’s what you want.
(DP): This isn’t about me Aeryn. You should know that.
(DP): What? What did I do wrong?
(A): I was. How much do you want for it?
(J): This ain’t no auction house lady. The price tag says $15
(A): I don’t have fifteen dollars (credits? is written here in pen)
(J): Well, then you can’t have it.
(A): F*** that! (I doubt this)
subject: Aeryn Sun
age: 91 (probably closer to 40)
status: Under Review
(DP)Dr. Phillips
(AS)Aeryn Sun
(AS): Yes, thank you. It’s strange, but I actually missed being in this
sun.
(DP): Most patients try to escape their first time out.
(AS): I’ve had no reason to.
(DP): Talk about what?
(AP): You frelling humans. Expecting everyone to talk when you won’t open
your own mouth.
(JS): John kept things from you?
(AS): (suddenly defensive) When it was necessary.
(DP): Some things aren’t meant to be shared.
(DP): Alright, I think it’s time we get to Moya.
(AS): Whenever you’re ready.
(DP): You said that’s when things changed. I want to know why.
(AP): John, the others. Frell, even Rygel.
(AS): Always ready to follow orders, sir.
(DP): I-.
(AS): If we’re skipping John, I suppose Pilot was the first to impact me.
I don’t know what he thought of me in the beginning. But he was the only
one who didn’t chastize me for being a peacekeeper.
(DP): Never?
(AS): Not then. We worked together well and he appreciated that. I’d
always been used to being around pilots. Maybe that helped.
(DP): You were a pilot?
(AS): I flew small peacekeeper attack ships. They’re called prowlers.
(DP): Not exactly the same thing as a living ship.
(DP): So, that’s it? You two had a good working relationship?
(AS): That’s all you’re going to get human.
(AS): If you insist. He’s a Hynerion. They’re small, green creatures.
Tiny, but fat enough for three stomachs. (pauses to laugh) Treacherous
little bastards.
(DP): You weren’t friends?
(AS): I lived with that slug for eight cycles and we were never what you’d
call friends.
(DP): So what were you?
(AS): Allies when it suited him, enemies when it didn’t, and crewmates when
he needed one.
(AS): He had this uncanny knack for getting something just right when you
were ready to kill him. Oh, and he never apologized.
(DP): Did you?
(AS): Why would I apologize?
(DP): Never mind. What happened after eight cycles?
(AS): Rygel went home. Happiest day of his life. At least that’s what he
tells us.
(DP): Some people never change.
(AS): Some.
(DP): What species is he? (I should have asked this question right away
with the others)
(AS): He’s a Luxan. They’re a race of warriors known for thick skin and
empty craniums.
(DP): But D’Argo wasn’t like that?
(AS): I though so at first. He seemed like just another dumb brute.
Savage and waiting to be tamed.
(DP): Are you sure that’s not what happened?
(AS): (she smiles) The opposite actually. There came a time when he had to
keep me acting reasonably.
(DP): What happened?
(AS): D’Argo’s where he belongs.
(AS): It’s nothing.
(DP): I thought I heard something. China?
(AS): Chiana.
(DP): Another member of the crew?
(AS): Impatient, Immoral, Irresponsible, and many other bad things. That
little trelk....
(AS): I didn’t like her for a very long time. (starts to break up) She was
braver than all of us in the end and I never got the chance to tell her how
much..
(DP): How much what?
(AS): In some twisted way, I loved her. (quickly adds) Like a sister.
(DP): So she was a rebel?
(AS): Quite an accomplished one.
(DP): What?
(AS): She’s the one who kept us together. Zhaan made us a family, a crew.
(AS): She’s a Delvian. They’re blue but formed like any Sebacean or Human.
Also, they’re plants.
(DP): Good Mother Earth huh?
(DP): Never mind. Why was she so important?
(AS): Zhaan knew the worst in all of us. She loved us regardless. She
loved me.
(DP): You think it’s difficult for someone to love you?
(AS): It must be.
(AS): I’m alive and she’s dead.
(DP): It was your fault?
(AS): My fault, John’s fault, Scorpius.
(DP): Scorpius? That’s new.
(AS): Just today?
subject: Aeryn Sun
age: 91 (probably closer to 40)
status: Under Review
(DP)Dr. Phillips
(AS)Aeryn Sun
(AS): How the frell do you think I am? That trelk made me take the pills
again.
(AS): So you’ve decided. I’m just another lunatic.
(DP): I haven’t decided anything yet.
(AS): What topic have you chosen for today?
(DP): John Crichton.
(DP): Peacekeepers don’t deal with lower species. (this was supposed to be
a statement. Came out like a question)
(AS): At first I thought he was a soldier out of uniform. But his behavior
quickly negated that possibility. John was....himself.
(DP): Himself?
(AS): He smiled when he saw me. Probably happy to see someone who looked
human. I knocked him on his ass. Wiped that cocky smile right off his
face.
(DP): But you were wrong about him.
(AS): I didn’t have much choice. Crais would have killed me.
(DP): Crais?
(AS): My superior officer, Captain Crais. John accidently killed his
brother when he got there. Crais wanted him dead and I just happened to be
there.
(AS): I chose death actually. He wouldn’t let me go through with it.
(DP): I can’t see him forcing you. How did he convince you?
(AS): He said I could be more. Velorek said that to me too.
(DP): More what?
(DP): When did you realize it?
(AS): It didn’t happen all at once. But I think I know when it
started.
(DP): Go on.
(AS): The first time I saw him with someone else. With Gilina.
(DP): Another woman?
(AS): I had taken for granted that he wasn’t just there for me to boss
around.
(DP): You were jealous.
(DP): But you weren’t one of those anymore.
(AS): It’s not that easy to let them go.
(DP): Did he know how you felt?
(AS): No, I couldn’t tell him then. I didn’t even know what it was for
sure. Actually, I did tell him. But I wasn’t ready.
(DP): What happened next?
(DP): What did you do?
(AS): What could I do? I said no.
(DP): Did you mean it?
(AS): At that point, yes. I wasn’t ready for that much of a change. Plus,
his chances of getting back were non-existent.
(DP): Hmm (can’t think of anything to say)
(DP): You’re going to have to explain that.
(AS): It doesn’t matter what it was. The point is that, John and I, got
caught in it. We thought we were going to die.
(DP): Relationships started under stress tend not to last.
(AS): Well frell that. It worked for us.
(DP): So that’s when you both knew?
(AS): I can’t speak for John but it was for me. Scared me to death. It
felt right.
(DP): Sorry, I was looking at that.
(AS): It’s mine.
(DP): I wasn’t going to take it.
(AS): You’ve caught me in a verbal mood. Don’t waste it human.
(DP): Ok, let’s move on then.
(AS): Peacekeeper. I allowed myself to remember the past for a moment and
it punished me.
(DP): How bad was it?
(AS): I would’ve died.
(DP): But John saved you?
(AS): He risked his life to save me. It’s my fault he got caught. The
Aurora Chair, Scorpius, it was my fault.
(DP): Scorpius? You talked about him last time.
(AS): Skip it.
(AS): The Velorek thing. When John found out.
(DP): You told him?
(AS): You’re learning.
(DP): How did he react?
(AS): John paused for a moment. It was the strangest thing.
(DP): Paused?
(AS): He just stopped talking. I was almost sure then.
(DP): Why?
(AS): I felt bad. For a moment, I was more worried about how it affected
him than me.
(AS): I was still afraid. It was all new to me. I was clinging to what I
used to be.
(DP): Did he push you at all?
(AS): Why would he push me? I hadn’t hit him in a long time.
(DP): (???) I mean push you to say how you felt.
(AS): On the Royal Planet. They all “pushed” me then.
(AS): John was forced to marry someone else. I got angry, I-.
(DP): Forced to marry someone? Why?
(AS): The princess, they were genetically compatible. For mating.
(DP): And you told him to fight the marriage.
(AS): Yes, but not why.
(DP): Wouldn’t that be obvious?
(AS): He needed to hear me say it. I couldn’t.
(DP): What do you mean?
(AS): Jenavia.
(AS): She helped Crichton while I was away.
(DP): Where did you go.
(AS): Rock climbing with an idiot. Jenavia was a peacekeeper spy.
(DP): If she helped John, what’s the problem?
(AS): (very quietly) He slept with her.
(AS): Good for you.
(DP): But you’re judging me for something I haven’t done.
(AS): So you’ve never considered it? Why are we talking about this
anyway?
(DP): What? I didn’t bring it up!
(AS): You did.
(DP): Ok, fine. Please, let’s just continue.
(AS): Whenever you’re ready.
(AS): John got out of the marriage and we left the planet. I did do
something though.
(DP): What?
(AS): I tested our compatibility.
(DP): Match?
(AS): Yes, I loved him. But other things got in the way.
(DP): What could possibly have gotten in the way?
(AS): Parasites, Nebari, Shadow Depositories, neural chips. Shall I
continue?
(DP): I have no idea what any of that means. Just give me what’s
important.
(AS): The one I spoke about before, Scorpius. He put something in John’s
brain. It made him crazy.
(DP): How so?
(DP): What secrets?
(AS): How to get home.
(AS): We took him to a doctor. John got the chip out of his head. I
didn’t get to see that.
(DP): Why not?
(AS): Near the end, he couldn’t control himself anymore. The monster
inside was taking over. It killed me.
(AS): It tried to escape in John’s ship. I followed with the prowler. My
emotion got the better of me.
(DP): But, he killed you?
(AS): I crashed into a frozen lake. Dead.
(DP): What was that like?
(AS): Under different circumstances, I might have liked staying there. But
I couldn’t leave John.
(DP): I’m confused. How could you be dead and then not?
(AS): Zhaan.
(AS): There’s a lot more.
(DP): I realize that. Would I be right in assuming that things changed
after you came back.
(AS): They did.
(DP): Well, then I want to understand this part before we move on to the
second.
(AS): Do as you like.
- January 21st, 2061 -
subject: Aeryn Sun
age: 91 (probably closer to 40)
status: Under Review
(DP)Dr. Phillips
(AS)Aeryn Sun
(AS): I-, I didn’t get much sleep last night.
(DP): Any particular reason?
(AS): They brought someone new in. There was....screaming.
(AS): With me dying?
(DP): Uh...yeah.
(DP): So you told him?
(AS): John told me first. He said I belonged with him.
(DP): Even after he killed you.
(AS): Especially after.
(AS): Why did it have to? All these things keeping us apart. Only because
we let them.
(DP): It just seems strange that you would be able to trust him.
(AS): You sound like D’Argo.
(DP): He didn’t trust Crichton?
(AS): No, he just knew what I was like. Any reason to back away.
(DP): But you didn’t.
(AS): Not anymore.
(AS): It doesn’t work that way on Moya.
(DP): What then?
(AS): John was split.
(DP): Split?
(AS): An alien criminal named Kaarvoc. He split John into two identical
duplicates.
(DP): Like clones?
(AS): No, they were both the same person. Though I didn’t believe that at
first.
(AS): I didn’t have a choice. The crew got separated and I got stuck with
one of them.
(DP): Why the separation?
(AS): My mother.
(DP): Are we going to talk about her now?
(AS): If we have to. Just her, no details.
(DP): Whatever you say.
(AS): She hated me. I was the reason she lost everything. The reason
she’d been forced to kill my father.
(AS): I tried to save her. Tried to show her what I’d learned. What it
was like to be free.
(DP): But she didn’t listen?
(DP): Crais? I thought he was the bad guy.
(AS): Shut the frell up. You’re getting ahead of me.
(DP): Sorry, go on.
(AS): The John I was left with, he did it.
(DP): What?
(AS): I finally let everything go. It hurt to much to hold everything
back. My body couldn’t take it anymore.
(DP): But there was two of him.
(AS): I let myself forget. I ruined everything.
(AS): The information in his head. A mechanic named Furlow, she figured it
out.
(DP): Let me guess, she wasn’t on your side.
(AS): It was my fault! I’m the one who made John give it to her.
(DP): I’m sure you didn’t know this would happen.
(AS): The best frelling intentions. He’s dead! I could have prevented
it.
(DP): You said he died of radiation exposure.
(AS): Stopping the information from getting out. Protecting innocent
lives.
(DP): That’s kind of pessimistic.
(AS): You don’t know.
(DP): What did you do?
(AS): I’d lost him. My reason, the one reason I had to grow.
(DP): What about the others? Your friends?
(AS): Whose telling the story?
(DP): Sorry.
(DP): Your mother?
(AS): She wasn’t done with me. I almost died then because of my grief.
(DP): Why didn’t she kill you?
(AS): It was her choice not mine. We both had to live with what we’d done.
Her love for me was still buried deep down somewhere. I should have
remembered that. It would have made things easier.
(DP): Did you forgive her?
(AS): She was still my mother.
(DP): Do you think she forgave you?
(AS): On good days. Sometimes, I-.
(AS) (composing herself) Fine.
(DP): What happened with the other John?
(AS): I couldn’t handle it. He was a reminder of everything I’d lost.
(DP): But you hadn’t actually lost him. He was the same guy.
(AS): Easier said than believed.
(DP): You didn’t think he was a copy did you?
(AS): I told myself that. It made things simpler. But no, he wasn’t a
copy. He was John Crichton.
(AS): Scorpius, of all things.
(DP): You’re going to have to elaborate.
(AS): John couldn’t let him get the wormhole information. It was too
dangerous for anyone to have it.
(DP): Playing the hero.
(AS): And heroes always-.
(DP): But not this time?
(AS): I went with him. We did it together.
(DP): He didn’t mind?
(AS): Mind what?
(AS): I didn’t realize my sex life was part of this discussion.
(DP): Well, mine certainly was.
(DP): John was ok with just being your shipmate.
(AS): No, I think he wanted to hate me.
(DP): Do you really think that?
(AS): I suppose not. It’s what I would have felt in his position.
(DP): So he gave you space.
(AS): The whole universe.
(AS): One way or another, we had to stop him.
(DP): Did you?
(AS): Barely. We almost died.
(DP): It must have been getting old by then.
(AS): Very funny.
(AS): Hear what? No.
(DP): Never mind. (Patient suddenly seems eager to continue the
conversation)
(AS): I watched him play the hero again. This John, that John, they were
both the same. I realized that I was just as afraid of losing this
one.
(DP): You loved him.
(AS): I love him.
(DP): And the next sixty years?
(AS): Oh no, those aren’t for you.
(DP): Why?
(AS): Some things aren’t meant to be shared.
I can’t believe this is happening. It’s not possible is it? All my
romanticizing, it didn’t prepare me for this. Yesterday’s session was an
important one. I got to hear the first chapter of Aeryn’s life. Now she’s
gone. Her room is empty and she’s gone. The security guards have searched
everywhere. All the rooms only have one occupant. The front door is still
locked from last night. There’s no way she could have gotten past the
video cameras.