Summary: Ten ways Aeryn will not return to Moya - though after 'Crackers Don't Matter' and 'Won't Get Fooled Again', you never know. ;-)

ONE: ç la 'Frankenstein'

Blue flashes of energy arced across the maintenance bay as John Crichton surveyed his creation. His maniacal laugh echoed through Moya's passageways. "I've done it! She's finished! All that remains is to imbue her with life!" He threw back his head and howled insanely.

His demonic laughter was echoed by his short, misshapen assistant. "What's so funny, master?" he asked, when he realised that nothing particularly funny was going on.

John Crichton turned psychotic blue eyes on his assistant. "Nothing, Rygel! Nothing. It's just required that all mad scientists laugh maniacally when they are about to make a fatal error!" He smacked his dwarfish moronic lab assistant across the head for good measure then turned back to his creation. He studied the figure lying motionless under the dirty white sheet, a figure that he had assembled with his own two hands from the spare parts he had had Rygel steal from the Depository. Then he raced over to the machinery on the wall. Lights flashed and buzzers buzzed, various accordion-like pumps pumped and dials registered incomprehensible information. Finally, John spun around, his white coat tails flapping. He grasped an impossibly large circuit breaker. "Rygel! Prepare to join me in creating life!" He pulled the breaker switch down with demented effort, then screamed again with laughter as more energy arced across the lab. Rygel wisely cowered in the corner by the door, whimpering in terror.

Crichton watched the blue fingers of energy stab into the figure on the table again and again. The body jerked and twitched. When the energy flashes died down, John lifted the switch and leaned panting against the machine. He turned deranged eyes on the table, holding his breath until he saw the movement he was looking for. Slowly, steadily, the figure's chest rose and fell as it drew life-giving breath into its body. John Crichton approached the figure cautiously. Suddenly, it moaned and one of its hands twitched under the sheet. In his corner Rygel covered his eyes with trembling hands.

John Crichton drew closer, then grinned insanely. "I've done it! She's alive! She's alive!" He whipped off the sheet and crowed in triumph.

The pieced-together body of Aeryn lifted two of its three arms and rose slowly from the table, reaching out towards her creator. Her eyes, one blue, the other orange, opened wide as she surveyed herself, then she glared at her creator, her striped, fur-covered tail swishing back and forth angrily. "Crichton! What the frell have you done to me?!"

FADE TO BLACK

TWO: ç la 'Ghost'

The disembodied spirit of Aeryn Sun hovered sadly over the Human as he lay sleeping in his bed. Her expression was soft and tender. She reached down and tried to touch his cheek, but her hand passed through him. She frowned in frustration, then floated off out of the room, in search of the one who could help her communicate with John.

Luckily, none of the cell doors on Moya were solid. Aeryn had quickly learned the limitations of her present state, including her inability to move objects. She floated easily through the lattice work of John's cell door and down to Zhaan's. She found the priestess meditating as she knew she would. She moved to hover in front of the Delvian, desperate to make her recognise her presence.

She needn't have worried. Zhaan smiled and opened her eyes, seeing her friend's ghostly image. "Aeryn," she reached out to the dead Sebacean. "I know why you are here. You have unfinished business with John. You cannot move on until you tell him something very important." She saw the ghost's head nod and her lips move in a yes. "I will help you communicate with Crichton." She smiled at her friend's ghost, who smiled back. Zhaan opened up her arms and offered her body to Aeryn, to inhabit while she spoke to John. She shuddered once, twice, as Aeryn's ghost settled over her.

John awoke from his bizarre dream of making pottery with Aeryn to feel Zhaan's lips on his. He jumped and pushed her away roughly. "Zhaan! What the hezmana do you think you're doing? What would Stark say?" He moved as far away from her as he could, clutching his gold sheet around him protectively. The Delvian sat on the side of his bed and smiled radiantly. "Aeryn? Aeryn, is that you?"

Aeryn nodded Zhaan's head and smiled again. John relaxed and took the Delvian into his arms, sharing a passionate kiss with his dead love. Then he broke the kiss and smiled.

"John, please listen to me. I have something very important to say to you. I don't have long," Aeryn began, but John smiled reassuringly.

"It's all right, Aeryn. I already know." He smiled at the confused expression on her face. "You told me in the neural cluster. I know you love me. I love you too." He leaned closer to her to kiss her again.

Aeryn pulled back from John in confusion. "No, that was not what I was going to say." She grabbed his chin in her hand suddenly. "I wanted to tell you how upset I am about what you did to my Prowler and to let you know that I can't wait until your time comes to discuss it with you further!" She released the startled Human's chin and smiled sweetly as she rose from the bed. "Have a nice life. I'll be waiting." John watched Zhaan collapse to the floor as Aeryn's spirit rose towards the beckoning white light. Then he gulped and watched Zhaan drag herself up from the floor.

The Delvian saw the bewildered expression on John's face and smiled. "She told you that she loved you. I knew it." She saw John turn eyes filled with despair to hers. Zhaan came over to the Human and drew him into her comforting embrace. "It's okay, John. You will be together with Aeryn in the next life. I'm sure of it."

John gulped again. "That's what I'm afraid of."

FADE TO BLACK

THREE: ç la Elvis

Talyn and his mother Moya orbited the commerce planet while their respective crews were shopping and exploring down below. John Crichton wandered around aimlessly, having finished his shopping. He found himself growing hungry and turned into what passed for a fast food court in the Uncharted Territories. The smells of something being fried drew him to a concession. He placed his order for fried Marjoles, having developed a surprising taste for the Hynerian delicacies when smothered in Luxan hot sauce and served up on a bun. The three-headed teen behind the counter took his order. John had to grin when the server automatically asked if he wanted fries with his order. He gazed at the server's pin, but did not try to pronounce the name on the tag. Instead he smiled and shook his head. As the teen tallied up his bill, John let his eyes wander into the back of the concession where a solitary figure stood, slinging Marjoles on the fiery grill. He felt his heart stop as he recognised the cook.

He turned around to see if anyone else had noticed, but when he turned back, the cook was gone. He grabbed one of the server's hands in excitement. "Say, wasn't that ...?" he began, but the teen looked at him with such a vacant expression in all six of his eyes that John stopped. The Human cast one more glance into the back, but saw no one. Taking his trayful of food, he shook his head, convinced his mind was playing tricks on him. He failed to notice the interest his momentary astonishment had caused.

Meanwhile across town, D'Argo and Chiana had just checked themselves into a motel for a little intimate time, when the tall Luxan stopped abruptly. His Nebari lover ran right into his back. "D'Argo? What's the matter?" She tensed. "Is it PeaceKeepers?" she asked, looking where the Luxan's gaze seemed to be fixed.

"No," D'Argo replied. He leaned forward to look into the room where he had glimpsed a cleaner vacuuming, but found the room empty. He paused and blinked a couple of times, then shook his head.

"D'Argo?" Chiana asked again, growing concerned.

"It's okay, Chiana," D'Argo said slowly, glancing once more into the empty room. "Just for a microt I thought I saw ..." The Luxan shook his head again, then smiled down at his companion. "Never mind," he replied, letting Chiana into their room.

Crais moved purposefully through the crowded market towards the weapons dealer. He was always interested in what was available, hoping to modify it to add to Talyn's already impressive arsenal. He stopped to let a sedan chair go by, carried by four burly porters. Curious, he gazed into the chair, straining to see through the sheer curtains to identify the occupant. At that microt the curtains parted and Crais had a clear if brief glimpse of the person inside. The curtains hastily closed. The ex-PeaceKeeper stood transfixed as his mind struggled to reconcile the image with his memories. *It can't be!* he thought. By the time he reacted, the sedan chair and its mysterious passenger were gone.

Rygel maneuvered his thronechair through the thickening crowds of shoppers, trying to keep sight of the blue Delvian and her lover Stark as they moved swiftly towards the pharmacy. Zhaan had insisted that she needed to restock several herbs and tinctures in her apothecary. Naturally, Stark joined her and Rygel had tagged along in an effort to avoid being left alone. The trio finally arrived at the pharmacy. Behind his booth filled with wares, the green-skinned pharmacist had smiled, acknowledging the requests of the Delvian and offering some suggestions of his own. Stark had stayed by her side, but Rygel had grown quickly bored and let his eyes drift around the market. Suddenly, he gasped and called out to Zhaan. Annoyed at being pulled from her shopping, the Delvian had nonetheless answered the Hynerian's rather choked summons. " Zhaan, tell me I'm seeing things. That's not ...?" he whispered in awe. Zhaan and Stark had both gasped, seeing the dark-clad figure he was pointing at as it moved through the crowd on the other side of the square. Both had started forward, intent on intercepting the tall, dark-haired woman, but by the time the crowds parted again, she was lost from view.

For a microt, the three of them stared at each other. Then as one, they shook their heads and turned back to their shopping.

Aeryn smiled up at her escort, his dark sideburns and southern drawl reminding her of another Human.

He covered her hand with his, the long white fringe on his sequined sleeve tickling her bare arm. "Something the matter, darlin'?" he asked.

"No, Elvis. I just thought I saw someone I knew," Aeryn replied before slipping her arm through his and walking away.

FADE TO BLACK

FOUR: ç la 'Halloween'/ 'Nightmare on Elm Street'

At the sound of Chiana's terrorized scream, the others came running. They gasped in horror at the sight of the Hynerian flayed and pinned to the wall of his ornate room. On the wall, scrawled in his blood, was an ominous message. However, since it was written in Sebacean, none of them could read it.

Chiana screamed again and succumbed to her hysteria. "It's her! She's come back! And she intends to kill us all for letting her die!"

D'Argo tried to comfort the trembling Nebari, gazing at his friends over the white head. "Do you think it could be possible?" he asked tremulously.

John Crichton took several deep breaths to calm himself. "No, it's impossible. There must be a rational explanation." He met the gaze of each of his friends in turn, his brow furrowing as he noticed that both Zhaan and Chiana were more well-endowed and less covered than he remembered. "I have an idea. We'll split up and search the ship. That way we can cover more ground." The others nodded at the wisdom of his plan. "If you find anything, remember to go and investigate it first on your own, before calling the rest of us. We don't want to waste our time on silly fears." The others nodded again, a little less sure this time. As they all moved to go their separate ways, John stopped them with his last instruction. "Oh, and remember not to turn on any lights. The darkness will hide you from whoever is doing this."

Chiana moved nervously through the passageway towards her quarters, her scantily covered bosom heaving as she panted with fear. She heard a strange sound in the empty cell that had once belonged to her friend Aeryn. Remembering John's instructions, she opened the door into the darkened cell and moved slowly into it. "Hello? Is anyone there?" They were the last words she spoke as the blade descended, deftly cleaving her in two, her blue blood spattering on the walls.

John heard D'Argo's cry of despair microts before he too fell victim to the unseen murderer. The Human hit his comm, calling for Zhaan and Stark, Pilot and Jothee, but only ominous silence greeted him. He raced through the Leviathan's now quiet passages towards where he had heard D'Argo fall. When he came upon the sliced and diced Luxan, he fell to the floor retching in horror. Then he heard it. The voice that had haunted his dreams for so long.

"There's only you, Crichton. Only you remain of all those who brought about my death." The voice dissolved into insane laughter. "I remember what you did last season! And you will pay. As all the others have paid!" John had only a microt to register the long dark hair, the bizarre mask, taken from the dying Diagnosan, before the bloody Qualta Blade descended in a flash.

FADE TO BLACK

FIVE: ç la 'Dallas'

"Aeryn, you have to get out of the damn chair!" John pleaded desperately. He listened in despair as the woman he loved told him she had no options, that she was going to die.

"I hope you meant what you said in the neural cluster. I did," she sobbed microts before he heard her crash through the ice. His comm exploded with voices as D'Argo and Crais cried out as one. "Noooo!" John screamed.

"Crichton! Cricht ...!" he heard her call out, then nothing.

"Oh God, what have I done? What have I done?"

Later, at her funeral, John bent over her frozen corpse, the knife that he had demanded from D'Argo in his hand. "Aeryn, forgive me," he pleaded. He cut a strand of her long dark hair. "I love you." He kissed her cold lips.

John Crichton awoke from his nightmare and thrashed around, fighting to extricate himself from the blankets that were tangled around his legs. As consciousness returned, he stopped struggling. He fell back on the bed with a sigh, his naked chest glistening with sweat. There was a movement in the alcove and Aeryn walked in, smiling lovingly at him as she released the pins from her hair and let the long dark strands fall down her back, which was still damp from her bath. She started to remove the towel that she had wrapped around her, then paused, looking back at her husband lying gasping in the bed. A concerned look came over her face and she sat beside him on the bed, laying her cool hand on his sweat-beaded brow.

"John? Are you all right?"

John Crichton, gazed up into the loving blue eyes of his wife and smiled weakly." I am now. I just had the most horrifying dream!" He reached up and took Aeryn's hand in his, pressing a kiss into her palm. "I was captured by some scientist named Scorpius. He tortured me then injected a neural chip into me and I gradually began to lose my mind. Finally, I turned into a clone of the Scarran-Sebacean half-breed and killed you when you tried to stop me from joining him."

Aeryn gazed at her husband in horror, then bent to kiss him tenderly. "Well, don't worry, because it was all a dream." She kissed him again. "I told you not to eat Rygel's Marjoles before going to bed." She kissed him once more, giggling as he pulled her down into the covers with him and removed her towel." Wasn't I right?"

John rolled over and covered her body with his, "Yes, Aeryn, you were right." He kissed her, lingeringly. "You are so right," he moaned, feeling her move sensually beneath him.

FADE TO BLACK

SIX: ç la 'Robocop'

"Commander Crichton! Ka D'Argo! I am sensing an intruder on tier nine," Pilot's voice reported urgently.

John and D'Argo sprang into action. "On it!"

As they neared the location Pilot had indicated they heard the ominous clumping of some large metallic object moving towards them. John drew his pistol and saw D'Argo prime his Qualta Blade out of the corner of his eye. They drew back to lean against the walls, letting the intruder come to them.

The massive PeaceKeeper robot moved purposefully down the passage. Its sensors registered the presence of two beings, the Human and the Luxan, foolishly trying to hide from justice. As the robot rounded the corner, the Luxan stepped out and aimed its feeble weapon. "Stop! Identify yourself!"

"I am PeaceKeeper Aeryn One! I am here to arrest you and return you to PeaceKeeper Territories to stand trial for your crimes. Surrender your weapons peacefully!"

The Luxan stared at the robot then raised his Blade to fire. RoboAeryn easily knocked the weapon aside then kicked out at the tall Luxan. The alien hit the floor and lay unmoving. The robot walked over and began the arrest procedure. "Ka D'Argo, I arrest you for the crimes of escaping from lawful custody, sabotage, murder and attempted murder and carrying an unlicensed firearm. Do you understand these charges?" When the unconscious Luxan failed to respond, the robot paused, momentarily perplexed.

The hesitation was long enough for John to move forward. He fired several shots at the robot, but they simply ricocheted off its metallic armour.

The robot raised its head and turned to face the Human. Deep inside its previously self-aware mind, a memory flickered. "John?" But the memory was just as quickly lost as the computer programming took over. The robot raised one of its arms and fired a paralysing shot. The Human dropped to the floor and lay groaning. Aeryn One marched over and began the arrest sequence again. "John Crichton, Human, I arrest you for the numerous crimes of sabotage, murder and attempted murder, treason and failing to remain at the scene of an accident. Do you understand the charges against you?" The robot took the Human's groan as a yes and continued. "You have the right to remain silent, but as a Human I understand you will probably waive that right. You have the right to an attorney, but as PeaceKeepers do not have such things, you will waive that right as well. Now come along quietly." The robot reached down and dragged the Human to his feet. "Thank you for your cooperation."

FADE TO BLACK

SEVEN: ç la 'Heaven Can Wait'

"I hope you meant what you said in the neural cluster. I did."

Aeryn sobbed as the words passed her lips, then she automatically covered her head protectively, if futilely, assuming a crash position. The ejection seat crashed through the ice and waves of freezing cold water washed over her. The shock took her breath away and she went under. Buoyed for a time, the seat popped up out of the icy water like a cork. Aeryn paddled as best she could with her confined arms, but she felt the chair settling into the water to sink. "Crichton! Cricht ...!" she called desperately, then her mouth filled with water and the chair sank. She fought to hold her breath, but eventually, the burning pain in her lungs overwhelmed her and she breathed in the icy water, losing consciousness, her last impression that of bright light sparkling through the ice above her.

Aeryn found herself wandering in a brightly lit land. Around her legs, misty wisps of what appeared to be clouds swirled and eddied. She looked down on herself, shocked to see her formerly black outfit changed to a pure white. It should have been freezing cold, but there was no sensation of hot or cold at all. She stood, looking around her at the emptiness.

When she heard voices, she turned towards the sound. Off in the distance she saw a very dark Human-looking man being led off by another who, like herself, was dressed all in white. They walked away until they disappeared into the swirling mist, leaving a third being standing alone shaking his head in what appeared to be dismay. She turned and walked towards the being, bent on getting some answers. He did not hear her approach, focused as he was on a clipboard with a list of names on it.

"What the frell is going on!" she demanded, taking some satisfaction in the being's startled jump. He stared at her in confusion, then down at his clipboard, lifting page after page frantically. Finally, she grabbed his hand and stopped him, forcing him to look at her. "I said, what's going on? Where am I? Where's Moya? And the ice planet?" Her voice caught for a microt. "Where's Crichton?"

"Who are you?" the white suited being demanded.

"I'm Aeryn Sun!" she cried. She watched in growing dismay as the being groaned and struck his head in despair.

"Not again!" He stared up at the sky above him. "Someone up there is going to have to answer for these mistakes!" Then he turned troubled eyes on Aeryn. "Okay, same deal as the last guy. We'll do our best to find you a suitable body in which to live out the rest of the days that have been allotted to you. Do you accept?"

"What the frell are you talking about?" Aeryn snapped.

The being sighed dramatically. "You're in heaven. You looked like you were going to die, so someone," he glanced angrily up, "Someone decided to save you the pain and pulled your soul out too soon. You would have survived. But now your body has been frozen by your well-meaning friends. If I returned you to it, you would remain frozen alive forever." He stared at her, seeing the look of shock on her face. He turned to one of the last pages on his list and finally smiled in understanding. "Ah, born and bred a PeaceKeeper. No wonder you have no idea what I'm talking about." He clucked and shook his head. "No concept of the afterlife." He slowed his speech as if talking to a child. "You are dead. For now. I can let you live again, but in a new body, one who is newly dead in your world. Do you accept the trade, to live again?"

Aeryn stared at him, then thought of John, Pilot, Zhaan, D'Argo and Chiana, Talyn and Moya and nodded. The white-clad being snapped his fingers and another like himself appeared, seemingly out of nowhere. He conferred with the messenger, shaking his head and pointing up. Then he pointed to a name on the top of the first page of his list. The messenger's eyes opened in dismay, as he surveyed the beautiful female in front of him, but he nodded. The first being turned back to Aeryn. "Okay, it's all arranged. Have a nice life!" Then Aeryn felt the world go topsy-turvy and fainted.

She awoke to find herself lying face down on the frozen floor of the Depository. Her long hair hung loose about her face. Behind her was the open door of a cryopod. She groaned and pushed herself to her feet, feeling heavy and awkward. She shook her head, feeling her hair tumble about her cheeks, then she moved slowly out of the Depository. Just as she passed the door, she caught a glimpse of a figure reflected in the thick glass of the door. Thinking it was someone to help her, she turned towards it fully. Then her mouth opened up in a silent scream as she saw that the figure reflected in the glass was her.

Horror coursed through her as the face that stared back at her was Grunschlk's.

"Noooo!"

FADE TO BLACK

EIGHT: ç la 'Night of the Living Dead'

Moya's crew cowered in terror behind the table in the central chamber. Rygel hovered farthest from the door. Chiana had her head buried in Jothee's shoulder, sobbing in demented fear. Outside in the passageway, they heard the terrible screams of the Luxan as he was overcome and eaten alive. Zhaan turned to Stark in despair. "You're the expert on death! Is there no way to stop them?" John babbled incoherently.

Stark turned eyes wide with horror on the Delvian priestess. "No! They are not dead, but barely alive! When the Depository melted, they reanimated!" The sound of hundreds of bodies pounding on the door to the chamber stopped him.

Chiana screamed again."We're all going to die! Do something!"

The pounding grew louder and louder. Suddenly the door started to give way. Arms and legs with rotting flesh pushed through the holes, taking out more and more of the door. Hundreds of thawed creatures moaned insanely as they fought to get to the living creatures behind the door. Finally, the opening was wide enough for the least damaged of them to enter. The last sight that Moya's crewmates beheld was that of Aeryn, now a mindless Zombie, leading the attack on her former crewmates.

FADE TO BLACK

NINE: ç la THE STEPFORD WIVES

Wearied by the emotional drain of the memorial service, Moya's surviving crew members made their way slowly to the central chamber, more out of habit than hunger. Zhaan and Stark helped an unsteady John walk between them. The scar of the Diagnosan's incision marred his shaved skull and he still had trouble speaking clearly. As they neared the central chamber, D'Argo was the first to react. "I smell something." He stopped and sniffed the air. Then his eyes narrowed. "Someone is cooking."

The others all stared at each other. All but Pilot had been down on the surface for the service. Rygel floated forward, then smiled in spite of himself. "Marjoles! Someone is cooking Marjoles!" He flipped a switch on his thronesled control and started forward.

Jothee was close behind him. "And Parsap stew!"

"Wait!" Zhaan called, but even John was reacting to the delicious smells.

"Hmbr ... hmbg ... hamburger!" he managed to say, lurching forward towards the central chamber.

The crew raced through the corridors, then stopped in horror at the sight in front of them. There, putting the finishing touches on a Bannik root salad was a smiling Aeryn. Dressed in the white sundress from the false Earth, she had a bright apron tied around her slender waist and a vacant smile on her face. Her hair was perfectly permed, and she moved with confidence around the kitchen, adding final touches to the feast she had prepared. "Oh, good. You're all back in time. I just have to finish icing the cake for John, then dinner will be ready. I hope you're all hungry."

The crew stared in disbelief. Aeryn paused, confused at their reaction. She turned suddenly, stepping into a knife that she had left pointing out over the edge of the counter. The blade stabbed into her side. Aeryn stopped and looked down, her face going red with embarrassment at her carelessness. She pulled the knife out of her side and turned to the sink, cleaning it before placing it back in its proper place. Then she pulled her ripped dress aside and stared down at the wound. "Oh, bother!" Inside, the others could clearly see circuits and mechanical panels. She covered the hole as best she could then smiled inanely at her friends, who were backing away from her in terror. "I really must be more careful. It would be the height of carelessness to die twice in one day."

FADE TO BLACK

TEN: ç la 'Oh Heavenly Dog'

Aeryn raced through the darkened passageways of the Leviathan that had been her home for almost two cycles. Her sensitive nose told her that the one she sought had moved out of his old quarters and into hers. She felt her heart quicken at the unspoken proof of his feelings for her. Her need to see him made her run even faster. No one heard her as she scampered towards the familiar converted cell.

Her ears tingled as she drew closer to her quarry. When she came to her quarters, she slipped easily through the door. Inside, her eyes adjusted to the darkness, but still she smelled rather than saw the Human lying asleep on her bed. She moved over towards him cautiously. His face was turned towards her. She smiled and nuzzled him tenderly.

John Crichton felt something soft and wet against his cheek. Lost in a dream of Aeryn, he groaned and batted the annoyance away. His eyes flickered as it returned, pulling him out of sleep. He muttered and pushed it away again, turning over on his other side. There was the sound of scampering feet, then the wet nose returned. John opened his eyes and found himself face to face with a Vorc. The creature seemed bent on covering his face with wet kisses. John sputtered and pushed it away, but it kept coming at him. He sat up and hit his comm angrily.

"Chiana! Do you want to come down here and get your frelling pet? It got out again!" He watched as the Vorc tried to climb up on the bed with him. He took a rolled up stack of transparencies and hit the creature firmly on its nose. "Heel! Sit! Play dead!"

Aeryn growled in frustration and tried to communicate with the Human once more, only to receive a sharper smack on her nose. She sat back in her haunches and stared at John. "That's a good girl!" he said, putting the transparencies down. "Now, run along! Go back to Chiana!" he ordered, before lying back down. "Critters!"

Aeryn growled again. "Stupid Human!"

John yelped when the Vorc bit him, then stalked out of the cell with an angry march that definitely reminded him of someone else.