By: Ian K.

Rating: PG-13

Spoilers: Yes, up through "Fractures".

Disclaimer: I did not create Farscape, the universe of Farscape, or its characters. I merely borrowed them for this story, for which I will receive no monetary compensation. No infringement of copyright intended.

Time Frame: Who the frell knows? I guess, December of 2001.

Note: This story is meant to be a parody with the fictional world of Farscape entering reality, in order to provide comedic relief. I do not, in any way, want the reader to feel I am making light of the real villains described. I am merely using parody to generate comedy, and thus entertain the reader. Sometimes, laughter can be the best weapon to combat our troubled souls.

*

Five men dressed in robes and turbans were sitting in a cave somewhere in Afghanistan, an embattled country on the planet Earth. One of them was Osama Bin Laden, the evil mastermind of terrorist bombings on the United States. The others were members of the Al Queda Terrorist Network and the Taliban, the regime that had ruled Afghanistan with oppression for many years. They were all sitting around on carpets, talking about their next acts of terror.

"Do not worry, my friends," said Osama Bin Laden. "I have plenty more terror to send to the American infidels. No one will be able to stop us."

"Yes, great one," said one of Bin Laden's cohorts.

"Allah be praised," said another.

A woman dressed in clothing that covered her from head to foot entered the room with tea. She began to pour it into cups, when her shaw slightly fell and part of her face was revealed. One of the men stood up and slapped her.

"You woman!" yelled the man. "How dare you show anything but your eyes! Let it happen again, and I will beat you. Understood?"

"Yes," whispered the woman slightly, as she turned and walked back towards the entrance.

The men laughed, and Osama commented. "Women," he said, "are only good for serving their men. But that one isn't even that good at it, eh."

"We'll see what a woman is good for," muttered the woman under her breath.

She threw off the robes and hood she was wearing. Revealed from under the covering was the leather clad form of Aeryn Sun, pulse rifle in one hand and pulse pistol in the other.

Aeryn turned and pointed her weapons at the men. "On the ground, NOW!" she yelled.

Several of the Al Queda and Taliban members pulled pistols to fire on Aeryn, but she was quicker. Aeryn opened fire with her weapons, taking out the bad guys one by one with her fire. The sound of shots brought more Al Queda and Taliban fighters into the cave, but they were no match for the proud woman warrior. All of the bad guys fell under her guns, all except Osama Bin Laden, who tried to crawl away.

Aeryn caught up to the terrorist leader, and pounced on him. She got him down into a neck lock with her legs, and Osama was forced on his back. The terrified Osama Bin Laden looked up at the raven haired warrior woman and spoke. "Who...who are you?"

"Officer Aeryn Sun," she said, "Special Peacekeeper Commando, Icarion Company, Pleisar Regiment. I am also the WOMAN who has defeated your warriors and now has you as HER prisoner. So much for what a woman is good for, eh?"

Aeryn brought her fist down on Osama's chin, knocking him out with a Pentac jab.

**

Later, Osama Bin Laden woke up in an a strange, dark room, confined with metal clamps in a revolving chair. There was a screen in front of the chair, but nothing was on it at the moment. He heard two people approach, and the form of the woman who captured him came into view.

"He's awake," said Aeryn with a smile. "We can begin."

"Good," said another voice. The form of the villain Scorpius came into Osama's view, scaring the bearded terrorist mastermind out of his whit. "He doesn't seem very threatening," said Scorpius.

"He is a coward who brainwashes others into doing his dirty work," said Aeryn. "That's why we need you to use the Aurora Chair to dig into his mind and get the information we need on his terrorist network. As agreed, you have received your payment."

"Yes," said Scorpius, backing up and examining the new leisure suit that hung over his leather body suit. "Now, I can go out DANCING!" Then, Scorpius began to sing. "Take me to....FUNKY TOWN! Yeah!"

"Later, Scorpius," said Aeryn. "After you have gotten what we want."

"Of course," said Scorpius. "Though, you do realize, that after this little bargain has been fulfilled, we go back to being enemies."

"Of course," said Aeryn.

"Good, let's begin," said Scorpius. The Scarren half-breed activated his Aurora Chair, and Osama Bin Laden began to scream as his mind was probed.

***

John Crichton came out of a tent at Camp Rhino, the U.S. Marine base in Afghanistan, accompanied by the Marine commander. "I'm telling you that strange fighter craft coming in is Aeryn, and I'll bet ya she has your man."

"Son," said the Marine, "I'll believe it when I see it."

A Prowler set down in the middle of Camp Rhino, much to the astonishment of the U.S. Marines who gathered around the ship. When the hatch popped open, the Marines leveled their M-16 rifles at the craft.

Out of the ship came a raven haired woman, armed with a strange looking rifle and leading a whimpering Osama Bin Laden in chains. "It is Bin Laden," muttered many of the Marines. "That babe's got Bin Laden."

The Marines began to cheer as Aeryn Sun proudly led her captured prey to the Marine base commander. She threw Bin Laden to the ground, and rendered a salute. "Sir," said Aeryn, "I present you with this pile of dren. I also have a disk that shows the location of all of the remaining terrorists of Osama's network."

The Marine returned the salute. "Aeryn Sun," he said, "for this act, I am making you an honorary Marine." As two Marines led Osama away, the terrorist still whining "no more chair, no more,", the Marines began to chant "Aeryn rocks! Aeryn rocks!"

John Crichton took Aeryn into his arms, and the pair began to passionately kiss as the Marines around them cheered. John looked into the eyes of the warrior woman he was in love with, and spoke.

"I'm so proud of you, baby," said John. "You've saved the day."

"With a little help from Scorpius," said Aeryn reluctantly.

"Did Scorpy have any problems getting at the data?" asked John.

"No," said Aeryn. "Actually, Scorpius said Bin Laden's mind was actually quiet...uncomplicated. Once you got past his dren beliefs and his obsession with his small...um, physiology, it was easy to find the data we needed." At that moment, Aeryn stared at something over the horizon, and drew her pistol.

"John," said Aeryn, "a strange looking Taliban fighter dressed all in red has made it into camp. I'll get him."

As Aeryn charged towards the man, John yelled to stop her. "NO, Aeryn, wait...its just a Marine dressed like Santa Claus for Christmas!"

The End