Author: PKAmmoTroop

Category: Comedy

Rating: PG-13

Notes: This was written immediately after Meltdown and shows what problems us writers had with John & Aeryn while trying to write a serious story and they were still under the influence of the mist

Disclaimer: Farscape and related characters are owned by the Jim Henson company, Channel 9 Australia, and the Sci Fi channel, all brilliant, wonderful, wise, and very good looking people who realize that I am not trying to make a buck off their marvelous efforts but am only entertaining myself and friends and that I'm completely broke so suing me wouldn't be worth the effort.

* * *

Their kiss grew more passionate as the sebacian and her earthman lover desperately began tearing at each other's clothing. Their lips never parting, they moved toward the bed as they...

"Stop!"

John's head turned to see who said that while Aeryn, her eyes heavy lidded with passion, continued tugging at his clothing. "What the hezmana does he want now?" she asked.

"I don't know..." started John

"You two know what I want, I'm the author of this ficlet and you guys are getting a little carried away here," answered PKAmmoTroop.

"What's a ficlet?" asked Aeryn as she toyed with John's belt buckle.

"In this case a ficlet is PG-13 at best. Come on guys, I told you at the start of this story, this one is for the scifi.com bboard, we got teenagers reading this stuff fercryinoutloud, and you guys are tearing at each other like a couple of love sick..." PKAmmoTroop threw up his hands in exasperation.

"...teenagers." finished John. "Hey come on dude! Look at my lady here! Tell me you couldn't keep your hands honest if you were me."

"We've been through this before John, just follow the story outline and then we'll fade to black and you two can have some fun on your own time."

"What story outline?" smiled Aeryn as she succeeded in removing John's gun belt. "He just bangs away at the keyboard putting random ideas on the page until he's got something he thinks he can post..." she leaned forward for another kiss.

"All right that does it..." muttered PKAmmoTroop.

The transport pod bucked and shook wildly as it penetrated the upper atmosphere of the barren planet. "We just lost back-up stabilization," cried Aeryn as she threw switch after switch trying to find a system that was still functioning properly.

"Communication out, manual control out, stabilization out... this just keeps getting better and better," said John through gritted teeth as he fought the controls of the crippled transport pod. "Do we have ANYTHING left?" he yelled in desperation as the transport pod wildly gyrated out of control.

"Just each other," said Aeryn.

"You mean...?" their eyes met and in that one shining moment of realization they knew this would be their last moment together. They threw themselves at each other, their lips met in the desperation of their last dying minutes. They began to undress...

"STOP IT NOW!" cried PKAmmoTroop.

"Now what?" asked John, his eyes rolling in annoyance.

PKAmmoTroop was getting bent out of shape. "We've been at this all morning, we're doing SHIPPY here, not PORN, I don't do that stuff."

Aeryn sneered. "You do too..."

"I do not! And I'll thank you to stay out of my hard drive." PKAmmoTroop rubbed his temples; one of THOSE headaches was beginning. "Look guys, all I'm asking is for you to keep your clothes on and watch where your hands are going for one, maybe two pages and we're done."

John gave a little laugh "Sorry big guy, can't be done. Not in my lifetime."

"Inspiration comes from the strangest places..." muttered PKAmmoTroop with an evil laugh.

Aeryn stood alone in her room, her eyes red and puffy, she didn't think that a person could cry nonstop for days on end. Even though he died in her arms right here on Talyn she couldn't believe her only true love was gone. She threw herself on her bed. "Oh John!"

"I'm here for you Aeryn," said his voice, so warm, so familiar, and so reassuring.

"John, where are you?" she whispered through her tears.

"I'm here, in you. My last wish was that Stark would give you a little part of me."

"John I've missed you so... I want to hold you so much!" tears of joy now streamed down her face. She could feel his closeness like he was really there with her.

"I want to hold you too." Aeryn's hand began gently caressing her face and neck. "Can you feel that?" asked the image of John in her mind, "that's me touching you."

"Oh yes John! I can feel you." Her hand traveled lower "Oh YES John!" her hand moved under her shirt and cupped her...

"OH NO JOHN!" roared PKAmmoTroop.

"Damnit man! You killed me off, you can at least let me have some fun!"

"What did you two have for breakfast this morning? A hot steaming bowl of hormones? Give it a rest!" PKAmmoTroop was close to weeping.

Aeryn beat her fist against the mattress "This is getting very frustrating."

"Come on PKAT, you're a GI, you know what I'm talking about. Let us, y'know, take the edge off and then we'll finish up this ficlet of yours." John pleaded.

PKAmmoTroop cradled his aching head in his hands. "Fifteen minutes, can you guys give me fifteen minutes? Just fifteen minutes then you can do what ever you want, I'll even supply the Cool Whip!"

"Look, it's your fault for picking a time frame where we're just starting to explore the sexual side of our relationship. What else could we possibly think about?" interjected Aeryn.

"My fault? MY fault? You want a time frame? Here's a time frame! Welcome to your forty-eighth wedding anniversary! BWAAHAHAHAHAHA!"

John came into the bedroom with two hot cups of coffee and the morning paper under his arm. Setting the items down he slipped back into bed with Aeryn. She smiled and sipped the cup of coffee he gave her. "Mmmm! A little too much sugar but other than that perfect," she smiled. "Do you have the sports section?"

He handed her the sports pages from the Uncharted Territories Today, while he sipped his coffee and read the editorial page. "Look honey, a letter to the editor from Rygel! He's still demanding that his subjects overthrow his cousin. That old garden slug, I wonder what he's up to now."

Aeryn took off her bifocals and tapped a tooth with the earpiece. "Remember when he caught us going for it in the storage closet. The look on his face!"

"No," grinned John, "but I do remember the look on your face when I showed you what a feather duster was REALLY for."

Aeryn cuddled closer to John, her finger tracing lazy circles down his chest getting lower and lower. "And I remember the look on YOUR face when you found out I have no objection to..."

"THAT'S IT! I'VE HAD ENOUGH!" shouted PKAmmoTroop. "I'm going down to Tim Horton's and get a cup of coffee then I'm going back to writing Bab 5 fic. At least John and Delen weren't tearing at each others clothing constantly..." PKAmmoTroop's ranting continued as he stormed out of the house and down the block to the local coffee shop.

The house grew silent. PKAmmoPuppy hopped down from his perch on the couch and began thoughtfully chewing on an extension cord. All that could be heard was the sound of the antique clock ticking and the cooling fans of the computer.

"Is he FINALLY gone?" giggled Aeryn.