Author: PKAmmoTroop

Category: Comedy

Rating: G

Notes: I heard someone call Farscape "Muppets In Space" So I went with it and this resulted

Disclaimer: Farscape and related characters are owned by the Jim Henson company, Channel 9 Australia, and the Sci Fi channel, all brilliant, wonderful, wise, and very good looking people who realize that I am not trying to make a buck off their marvelous efforts but am only entertaining myself and friends and that I'm completely broke so suing me wouldn't be worth the effort.

* * *

"Mr. Scoprius! Five minutes!" Called out the stage manager Scooter.

Scorpius suddenly appeared behind the terrified muppet. "My dear cooter, my contract clearly states that all curtain calls be no later than 6 1/2 minutes. You are clearly in violation of our agreement."

I... I... I... don't think so Mr. Scorpius. Scooter's hands shook as he reviewed the contract. "I don't see anything here about curtain calls."

"Maybe you'd like to discuss this with my agent." Hissed Scorpius and Natira appeared at his side.

"Such pretty eyesssss." Smiled Natira as her head tentacles began waiving at Scooter. "So big and juicy!"

"Ummm Rygel! Curtain!" Yelled Scooter as he dashed out of view.

"Come my dear," said Scorpius as he lead Natira to his dressing room "These humans have a beverage called a Bloody Mary and I think you will find it interesting..."

Meanwhile on stage...

"Hi-Yo! Rygel the Frog here! And this is the FarScape show with our special guest star Scorpius! Yeaaaaaaayyyyyy!"

{Opening number}

It's time to climb in Moya
It's time to sail the night
It's time to meet the scapers
On the FarScape show tonight

It's time to eat a food cube
It's time to make wormholes right
It's time to raise the curtain
On the FarScape show tonight!

[Waldorf] Why do we always come here
[Statler] I guess we'll never know
[Waldorf] It's kind of like a torture
[Both] To have to watch the show

[Cast] And now let's get things started
[Audience] Why don't you get things started
[All] On the most sensational, inspirational, celebrational,
outerspacetional, this is what we call the FarScape show!

{D'Argo the Magnificent tries to blow a note on his Qualta Trumpet but it explodes}

Rygel the Frog is hovering back and forth behind stage trying to get everyone ready for the first bit. "Everybody on stage! Places! Places everyone!" he yells in panic.

"Hey Rygel! What do you think of my new helmet!" asked Fozzy Crichton as the propeller atop his pilots helmet began spinning.

"FOZZY!!! Get on stage - you got to get into the FarScape module!" Shrieked a frustrated Rygel the frog waiving his skinny arms around.

The scene shifts to outer space where Fozzy Crichton's FarScape module pops out of a wormhole into normal space and into a running battle between the dreaded PorkKeepers and some escaped prisoners who just took command of a Leviathan and broke it free of its control collar. Suddenly a PorkKeepers Howler slammed into Fozzy's module then careened off and smashed into an asteroid exploding into a million pieces.

Fozzy fought for control of his module but it was drawn into the Leviathan through a very embarrassing orifice causing Fozzy to cover his eyes. Finally the module came to a stop and a small yellow penguin climbed up on the module and pointed a gun at him.

"Aww! Aint't that cute?" Said Fozzy pointing at the little flightless bird. There was a flash, a loud bang and a very surprised Fozzy's face was covered with soot from being shot. The penguin gestured with the gun and Fozzy was lead into the control area. There he saw a strange hook nosed bird with tentacles growing down the back of his head, and a large yellow creature with a long beak, but it looked like it's feathers were leaves.

The large bird like creature leaned down to Fozzy and said "I'm Big Zhaan, would you like to play with us?"

The hook beaked creature said "I'm D'Argo the Magnificent. Watch as Zhaan shoots me out of a canon!"

"I am not going to shoot you out of a canon."

"Am too."

"Am not."

"So."

"Not."

"Ignore them." Said Rygel the Frog as he hovered into the control room clearly out of control. "You watch out for me and I'll watch out for you." He called out as his throne sled slammed into the wall.

"Am too."

"Am not."

"Am too."

"Am not."

Suddenly the pilot of the leviathan appeared on the view screen. "Moya scared! Elmo too!"

"Then starburst out of here you silly drannit!" called out Rygel the Frog as he zipped across the control room and slammed into another wall.

"Am too."

"Am not."

"Am too."

"Am not."

Suddenly a long tongue shot out of D'Argo the Magnificent's mouth and missed Big Zhaan by a good metra and knocked out Fozzy.

When Fozzy came to he was locked up in a cell with a creature wearing a space suit and helmet. The creature just stared at him until Fozzy decided that the creature needed cheering up. He doffed his hat, waggled his ears at the creature and went into his A material. "Wakka, wakka, wakka! What time is it when a leviathan sits on your couch? Time to buy a new couch!" He waited for the laughter that never came. Instead the creature sprang at him.

"Haiiiiii YA!" and proceeded to pummel Fozzy with one karate chop after another. The creature ended up kneeling on Fozzy's shoulders. It took it's helmet off and underneith was the most magnificent sight Fozzy had ever seen - a gorgeous raven haired PorkKeeper stared down at him. "One more joke out of you buster and you're getting a fat lip!" she snarled.

The curtain lowered on Act 1 to thunderous applause. Well, someone was clapping. When the curtain rose again the stage was set for - - - PIGS N SPACE!

[Offstage announcer] In our last episode the brave captain of the Command Carrier Swine Trek, Crais Hogthrob, was trying to prevent some prisoners from stealing Moya, his brother was killed in the battle, and the prisoners captured his lead pilot, Miss Aeryn. She escaped and brought one of the prisoners with her to stand before Crais Hogthrob.]

The pigs on the set stopped looking around for the location of the announcer and went into their lines. "Oh Miss Aeryn, have you caught the man who killed my brother?" asked Crais.

"You can bet your buttons, buster." Answered the raven-haired piggy.

"And before I kill you slowly what do you have to say for yourself?" Crais asked Fozzy.

"Wakka, wakka, wakka!"

"Kill him!" snarled Miss Aeryn.

"And kill Miss Aeryn too." Said Crais, "She's spent too much time with the convicts, she's no longer kosher!"

"Hey!" cried Miss Aeryn.

Suddenly Fozzy Crichton leapt between Miss Piggy and the guards saying "Stand back! I've got lettuce, tomato and toast and I know how to use them!"

[Off Stage announcer: "Besure to tune in next time when we hear Captain Crais say..."]

Crais stops looking around for the voice and remembers his line "Can I get my BLT with a side of chips and a pickel?"

[Off Stage announcer: on PIGS IN SPACE!!!!" {curtain lowers}]

Rygel the frog is hovering around getting all the PorkKeeper guards off the stage for the Big Musical Number. Finally the curtain rises on the darkened set, there in the middle of the stage is the Aurora Chair with Miss Aeryn strapped into it. Next to her stands Scorpius. As the lights come up the violin sections starts in and Scorpius starts singing that old Irving Berlin classic.

Unforgettable That's what you are,
Unforgettable Tho' near or far.
Like a song of love that clings to me,
How the thought of you does things to me.
Never before has someone been more...

As the chair begins rotating Miss Aeryn begins singing her part

Unforgettable In every way,
And forever more That's how you'll stay.
That's why, darling, it's incredible
That someone so unforgettable
Thinks that I am Unforgettable, too.

Now a chorus of chickens and pigs wearing shiny leather Scorpius suits joins in the duet

Unforgettable In every way,
And forever more That's how you'll stay.
That's why, darling, it's incredible
That someone so unforgettable
Thinks that I am Unforgettable, too.

The entire cast joins Scorpius and Miss Aeryn on the stage to join in the wild applause. There's some witty repartee and the curtain falls and the show is over.

***********

"Wait a minute! You call yourself a writer?" The little green masked terrorist waived his little pistol menacingly at PKAmmoTroop who was exhausted after writing all night at gunpoint.

"Look Kermit, I mean Mr. Terrorist, it just won't work. Brian Henson is producer, not Jim Henson. Frank Oz isn't even involved. No one is going to buy this script. It's not FarScape and it's too silly."

"Don't tell me about silly, silly sells! I was once the top frog, the world was my oyster! They want muppets! I know muppets! Now write some closing lines!!!"