Disclaimers: Farscape is the property of Rockne S O'Bannon, Jim Henson Company et al. I borrow only. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
Rating: G
Summary: The crew of Moya experiences the joys of April Fools' day
Spoilers: None that I know of.
Archiving: You're welcome to it; please tell me where it's at. (louiseboyden@earthlink.net)

Enjoy and Happy April Fools' Day

***************************************

"Unnh!" John groaned as he was thrown to the mat, the wind knocked out of him. He rolled over on his back and lay there gasping.

Aeryn stepped back from him and looked down at him in disgust. "No, no, no! Crichton, you have to get right back up!" she yelled at him.

John groaned again and got slowly to his feet, gasping for breath. He was hit immediately from behind, his legs dragged out from under him, and he went down heavily again.

Aeryn jumped around to face him. "John! You've got to be ready for the next attack. Come on. Get up." She reached down and grabbed his hand, pulling him unwillingly to his feet.

"No! No more, Aeryn!" he pleaded. He watched her crouch down once more into her defensive posture, groaned and assumed the same position. He stayed that way for exactly one microt, then the world went upside down as Aeryn twisted her leg around his, and jabbed at him. His instinctive recoil threw him off balance and he hit the mat for the third time in as many microts. Aeryn dropped to her knees, rolled him over, straddled him and pulled his arm up behind him, pinning him to the mat.

"Okay, I give up! Uncle! Uncle!" he cried.

Aeryn held him down for a moment more then released his arm and sat back, a look of frustration on her face as she watched him roll over onto his back once more. "Crichton, I swear you're getting worse at this, not better." she criticized. "Every time I teach you something new, you promptly forget everything I taught you before."

"You never taught me how to counter your last move," he complained.

"Yes I did, last weeken."

John lay thinking back to that session, then he grinned sheepishly. "Ah, right. You did indeed." He tried to sit up but fell back, moaning in pain. "I'm sorry. I forgot that you did. It must have been because of the concussion I suffered during that session," he said sarcastically.

Aeryn snorted derisively, "You exaggerate, Crichton. You didn't suffer any concussion. You hit the mat hard a few times is all."

"I hit the mat hard every time, Aeryn," he replied, accusingly. "Okay, I may not have had a concussion that time." He groaned in pain as he moved his head. "But I have one now."

Aeryn leaned over his prone body, her dark hair falling forward toward his cheek. With a no-nonsense gesture, she pulled his eyelid open and checked his pupils. John groaned again, dramatically, pleased at her obvious if rough concern. She looked into his eyes and her expression softened slightly. Her hand lingered on his forehead. "You don't have a concussion, John. You're fine. A little bruised and battered is all."

He closed his eyes, relishing her gentle touch. Then he opened them, his eyes accusing. "You're too serious about this, Aeryn. Lighten up. I'll learn. You don't have to put me through Peacekeeper Commando training."

He watched her eyes darken with sadness, and regret. Her hand slid down to lightly caress his cheek. "I have to be serious, John. And I have to be tough. You have to learn. I don't want anything to happen to you. I couldn't bear for anything to happen to you because of something I had failed to teach you."

John reached up and covered her hand with his. He lifted it to his lips and pressed a light kiss into her palm. Then he sat up, still holding her hand. "So you only beat me up because you care." He grinned. "Well, that's good to know."

Aeryn straightened and rose to her feet, offering John her hand. He rose also, and stood very close to her, her hand still in his. They stood that way, staring into each other's eyes, each afraid to make the next move. Then Aeryn dropped her eyes from his and stepped away, turning to gather her shirt and boots. John sighed at the lost moment of closeness and gathered his own things. They left the cargo bay together, silently. As Aeryn headed down the passageway to her room she turned and said, "Same time tomorrow?"

John smiled at her tentative tone, "It's a date, Aeryn. See you at dinner." He watched her walk down the corridor until she was out of sight then he went to his own room to collect a towel for a shower, and a change of clothes.

Standing under the warm water of the shower, letting the pulse and warmth ease his tired and aching muscles, he went back over his conversation with Aeryn. *We all need to lighten up,* he thought. *We've all been through so much pain and danger in the last few weekens. You can cut the tension on this ship with a knife. All we do is recover from one crisis and wait for the next one.* He turned off the water and dried himself off. *What can I do to ease the atmosphere around here?* he asked himself as he dressed. *What would we have done back home, at IASA?* His mind wandered back to the times when a pressing deadline had everyone stressed and nervous. They had eased the tension by playing practical jokes on each other. *Practical jokes,* he thought, remembering some of his better ones with a smile.*Do I dare? Will they kill me if I do some of those things to them?* he thought, unsure of his crew mates' reactions. Then he smirked at his image in the mirror. *What the hezmana,* he said, coming to a decision. *If it gets a few smiles going around here, it will be worth the risk.*

He raced back to his quarters and retrieved a spool of fine twine, transparent like fishing line. Then he hurried down to the central chamber before the rest of the crew gathered for the evening meal. He quickly located the plate of Hynerian Marjoles that Rygel had set aside for his evening meal. He had spoken of nothing else but his joy at locating the Hynerian delicacy on their last commerce planet stopover. He had savored every last serving. This one was his last and he planned to relish every last bite.

John reached his hand in and cringed at the feel of the insect-like creatures. He tied the transparent thread to one of the disgusting slimy morsels, and buried it at the bottom of the plate. Then he trailed the thread over the table and along the floor to the doorway. As he crawled out of the chamber and around the corner, he backed into Chiana who looked at him, her expression one of curiosity and amusement. Somewhat guiltily, John looked back up at her.

"Knowing how kinkoid everyone on this ship is, I'm afraid to ask you what you are doing." Chiana purred.

John hesitated for a microt then decided to let her in on the joke. A practical joke was much more fun when it was shared.

"I'm playing a joke on Rygel. Don't say anything. Just watch." John motioned Chiana to stay out of sight when they heard Rygel's throne chair whizzing down the hall. She quickly entered into the fun and crouched out of sight with John until Rygel had passed. Then the two conspirators crept close to the entrance of the chamber, peeking around unseen by their victim.

Rygel approached the plate of Marjoles with something akin to religious reverence. "Ah, my beauties. We have come to the end of our relationship," he said, addressing his meal. "You are the last I will enjoy for a very long time. I must make this moment last." He reached down and grabbed one of the Marjoles. He sniffed it like the best sommelier in the finest Earth restaurant. Then he placed the delicacy on his tongue, rolled it around in his mouth, savoring every nuance of flavor. His eyes closed in pleasure and he swallowed the morsel, sighing in near orgasmic fervor. Behind the door, John was working hard to stop from laughing at the display. Chiana, at first confused, had found his suppressed laughter contagious and was fighting to keep her giggles inside. They watched in awe as Rygel enjoyed each and every one of the Marjoles, growing more and more morose as the plate emptied. Finally, he was down to his last piece. John signalled Chiana to get ready.

"Ah, my pretty, my last love." Rygel said, addressing the Marjole with dramatic melancholy. "And so it ends." He reached for the last Marjole.

John jerked his thread and the Marjole popped just out of Rygel's reach. Rygel's ear brows rose in surprise. He leaned further forward in his chair and reached again. John pulled the delicacy just out of his reach once more. Chiana covered her mouth to keep from laughing out loud at the expression on Rygel's face. John continued pulling the Marjole out of Rygel's hands, again and again. Rygel followed the morsel in desperation as it jumped from the plate and hopped across the table. His expression became more determined as he chased the Marjole across the table. Each time he was about to grasp it, John pulled it out of his reach. Chiana's dark eyes met John's filled with pleasure at this new game. Rygel maneuvered his throne under the table when the Marjole fell to the floor. He bumped his head and cursed vehemently when the Marjole jumped again and he was forced to follow it further under the table.

"Come here, you frelling fapootah." Rygel cursed when the Marjole seemed to develop a mind of its own and scurried towards the door. John let Rygel finally grab the morsel, but yanked the thread again, jerking the Marjole out of Rygel's mouth. Finally Rygel appeared to have the Marjole cornered against the wall. "Now, I've got you, my reluctant meal."

John waited until Rygel had leaned as far out of his throne as he could, then he jerked the Marjole out of reach once more. Rygel cursed as he lost his balance and fell on his face on the floor of the chamber. John and Chiana finally lost their control at that point, rolling on the floor outside laughing. Rygel quickly reached forward, grabbed the Marjole and stuffed it in his mouth. Then he crawled around the corner to see what Chiana and the Human were laughing about. They looked at him and lost it again at the sight of the former Dominar of six billion subjects, with a fishing line hanging out of his mouth looking like the catch of the day. Rygel harrumphed in disgust and climbed back into his throne chair to speed away with whatever dignity he could recover, but not before he chewed up the last Marjole and contemptuously spit out John's thread. He did not look back at the convulsed Human and Nebari.

Chiana recovered her voice first, lying on the floor beside John. "That was great!" she exclaimed. "I haven't laughed so hard in a long time."

John grinned at her, pleased with the success of his plan. "Well, I thought we needed a little fun around here. We always used to pull practical jokes on each other when things got a little too heavy back home."

"A practical joke? Is that what you call it?" Chiana asked.

"Yeah. Back on Earth we even have a whole day set aside when you can get away with the most outrageous practical jokes. Everyone tries to fool their family, friends or fellow workers. It's called April Fools' Day. We celebrate it on the first day of the month of April." John lay back and did a little mental calculation. " In fact, it should be April first back on Earth in about seventy-six arns or so." John looked at Chiana in wonder. "What great timing!"

"You Humans are magrafarbot!" Chiana said, "But I must admit, this was fun. Have you got any other ideas?"

John looked at her, then decided to go for it. "Sure, come with me and I'll let you in on another one."

**************'

"Zhaan, were you able to isolate that alien enzyme I asked you about?" John said the next morning as he came into Zhaan's laboratory that doubled as the ship's infirmary.

Zhaan looked up to see Chiana follow John into the room. There was a strange expression on their faces. "No, John," she replied, "I haven't had a microt to get to it. Is it urgent?"

"Not particularly," John replied in an off-hand manner. Chiana cast him a strange look at his answer. Zhaan looked confused at the obvious by-play between the two of them. "I just wanted an analysis of the enzyme to see if that tasty looking fruit we brought back from Chandros 7 was safe for me to eat." He looked longingly at the fruit sample on Zhaan's work table. "It looks and smells so much like Earth pineapple, which I absolutely loved back home. It makes my mouth water just looking at it." He turned towards Zhaan with a smile. "I can finish the analysis myself if you're too busy." Zhaan failed to see the wink that he cast at a smirking Chiana.

"Please get the analysis finished," Chiana said. "I have a great recipe for Xho'tasa, and I wouldn't want John to miss out on it." Chiana winked back at John, again unseen by Zhaan, who bent towards her microscope.

"Fine, John, I'll analyse it now." She bent towards her microscope, but stopped when she heard what seemed to be a choked sound coming from the Human and the Nebari. Straightening, she looked at them curiously. They seemed to be keeping their expressions under control with some difficulty. "Is there a problem?" she asked.

John was the first to answer, "No, no. Please continue, Zhaan. If you get this done, Chiana can have the dish ready for the midday meal, correct?" he said as he turned to her, exchanging some meaningful look with her that Zhaan did not understand.

Chiana choked then answered, "That's right, John. You'll love this recipe, Zhaan." She turned her head away from Zhaan's curious gaze.

*That creature is almost as strange as Crichton,* she thought, and bent her head to the microscope once more, fitting her eye to the snug eyepiece. After a few minutes, examining the slide with the results of her test, she raised her head and looked at John with a smile. "The test is negative. The fruit is perfectly safe for you to eat, John," she announced.

The Human's eyes fairly danced in his head as his face broke into the widest grin imaginable. *He must really love this pineapple he talked about.* Zhaan thought, trying to make sense of his reaction.

Chiana turned away from her and headed towards the door. "Are you all right, dear?" Zhaan called after her in concern. Chiana merely waved at her over her shoulder as she left the room. Zhaan turned to John in confusion. "Is she well?"

John schooled his features into a light smile at the sight of Zhaan's blackened eye. "She's fine," he managed to get out. "She wants to start on her recipe right away." John snorted once more then turned the sound into a cough. "Thank you, Zhaan, for everything," he said, then he turned and literally stumbled from the room. Zhaan watched him go, a perplexed expression on her face. The sound of laughing in the corridor outside deepened her confusion. Then she dismissed it with the explanation the crew fell back on frequently.

"He is Crichton."

Later that morning, Zhaan straightened from her examination of several new herbs collected at their last stopover. She rubbed her back to ease the tense muscles and made her way down towards the central chamber for the midday meal. *I hope Chiana was able to make that recipe,* she thought.*I could really go for something new right now.*

She entered the chamber to find D'Argo, Aeryn, John and Chiana already in place. Chiana and John did not look at her, in fact they made a point of not looking at her. Aeryn's back was to her so it was D'Argo's shocked expression that alerted her to the fact that there was something wrong.

"Are you all right, Zhaan?" he asked in confusion, his fork halfway to his mouth. Aeryn turned at his words and her mouth dropped open in surprise as well. John and Chiana turned in towards each other and made more choking noises.

Zhaan came to sit beside D'Argo, whose eyes never left her face. "Yes, D'Argo, I am perfectly fine. Why do you ask?"

"Ah, no reason... I..., " D'Argo began.

"What the hezmana happened to your eye, Zhaan?" Rygel demanded, as he glided in on his throne chair.

John and Chiana snorted and began to laugh uncontrollably. Rygel simply glared at them.

"What do you mean, Rygel? There's nothing wrong with my eye!"

"Ah, Zhaan, you look like you were in a fight with a Luxan," Aeryn said, beginning to grin, "Pardon me, D'Argo. And it looks like you lost." Her grin widened. Then she cast curious glances at John and Chiana who were now laughing uncontrollably.

Zhaan raised her hand to her eye and it came away covered in black pigment. She stared at the pigment in confusion, then at John and Chiana who were now rolling on the floor, then back at the black stain on her hand. Looking at D'Argo and Aeryn , she saw them grinning now at her appearance also. She started to smile at her shipmates, then turned to Chiana and John accusingly. "Okay, you two, what have you done?"

John recovered first. "I'm sorry, Zhaan. It's an old Earth joke. You put some black paint or something on the eyepiece of a microscope or eyeglass and get someone to look through it." He snorted again with laughter. The rest of the crew couldn't help but be caught up in it. Even Rygel cracked a smile. "The person looks like they've got a black eye and they don't know it. If you could see yourself ..." he began, then lost it again.

Chiana added, "It's called a practical joke.They have a whole day set aside for them on Earth." She lost control again and fell back off her chair.

Zhaan looked at her amused friends and finally laughed herself. It was too good to see them all so happy for her to get angry at being the butt of the Human's joke.

"Okay, you got me." She grinned at John. "There had better be some Xho'tasa to make up for this, you two," she threatened. Chiana wiped the tears from her eyes and rose to retrieve the dessert she had made.

"Tell us more about this Earth day, John," Zhaan asked, when Chiana's delicious dessert had been devoured by the appreciative crew.

"Well, it happens once a year ..er cycle, on earth. It's called April Fools' Day because it happens on the first day of the month, ..er monen of April, in the spring in my country. It's a very old custom, going back hundreds of cycles. It's a day when people play practical jokes on their friends and colleagues. Even newspapers and radios stations get involved. But it all ends at noon, midday on that day. No jokes can occur after twelve o'clock." He looked at his shipmates' bemused expressions. "It's just for fun. You need something to relieve the tension of life every now and then; something to laugh at. Back on Earth we have a saying, *Laughter is the best medicine*. You need a little humor to help you survive. I just thought we needed some humor." He hung his head, suddenly contrite. "I'm sorry if anyone was offended."

Zhaan came over to him and laid her hand lightly on his arm. "I'm not offended, John. Rest assured. My culture recognizes the healing power of laughter as well."

Chiana glanced slyly at her crew mates. "John says that April Fools' Day is about sixty arns away. I propose we celebrate it in style."

The rest of the crew looked at her apprehensively, then decided to give it a try. John started to get uncomfortable at the speed with which the crew embraced this new concept. *Man, I hope this doesn't backfire on me,* he prayed.

"Okay, let's say it's open season on practical jokes until sixty arns have passed. Be on your guard everyone. Let the games begin." The rest of John's fellow fugitives looked typically confused at his words then dispersed to plan their jokes.

*****************'

The next few arns aboard Moya were filled with fun and silliness. John's amateur pranksters did their best to pull jokes on each other and on John. They tried changing locking codes, short sheeting beds, placing all manner of disgusting things in unlikely places, and substituting food garnishes in the various containers in the central chamber. But John was still the king of the practical joke. Try as they might, his fellow fugitives could not pull pranks on the Human. He always managed to sidestep the prank, or maneuver someone else into tripping it. For example, John was on his way into the Command for his scheduled duty when he noticed the door to the Command sitting suspiciously ajar. It was not open enough for him to go through, but it was definitely not closed. Checking around carefully, John grinned to see a few drops of water on the floor at the entry. He reached over and touched the door control lightly. The door slid open a hint further and water sloshed from the bucket that someone had rigged to fall on his unsuspecting head. John squeezed himself through the opening onto the command and looked up at the precariously balanced prank. Then he hit his commlink.

"Chiana, could you join me on the Command," he said then he lowered his voice conspiratorially. "I have a great idea for a prank on Pilot and the DRD's" He smiled, knowing that anything involving the DRD's would attract Chiana's interest. She seemed to enjoy tormenting the little robots.

"I'll be right there, Crichton," Chiana promised silkily. John sat back to watch the fun. Chiana bounded into the room through the opening door. The bucket of water fell and drenched the Nebari. John hooted with laughter at her furious expression. She literally hissed and sputtered like a drowned cat, her wet, white hair standing up on end like raised hackles. For a moment, John thought she would attack him, but when Aeryn came in, grinning at the incensed Chiana, she turned on her heel and fled the laughing pair.

"There is definitely feline DNA in the Nebari somewhere," he concluded to Aeryn who nodded in agreement.

That night at dinner, they all gathered for their evening meal somewhat apprehensively. Everyone sniffed his or her meal suspiciously, and checked carefully that garnish containers contained what they were labeled. The meal appeared to go smoothly until Chiana ladled out the Luxan soup D'Argo had made. John equated the concoction with chicken noodle soup. There was an abundance of noodle-like substances and a chicken-like meat in a spicy thin broth. Everyone dug into the soup with relish. But John hesitated, warned by the care with which Chiana had ensured that a particular bowl was placed before John. She didn't think he had noticed, but John's suspicions were further aroused by the very subtle glances she cast his way. John watched D'Argo polish off the last of his soup and look hopefully over at the serving bowl. His expression was downcast when he saw that it was empty. John grinned to himself, then pushed his bowl forward.

"Here, D'Argo, have my helping," he offered. He saw Chiana start to protest then sit back, resigned.

D'Argo accepted John's offering quickly, then politely held back. "Are you sure? You usually like my soup."

John smiled at the Luxan, "No, go ahead, D'Argo. I'm a little off my food these days. Too many bruises," he added. Aeryn glared at him, but said nothing. D'Argo pulled the bowl towards him and dug in.

Suddenly there was an explosion. Aeryn jumped back from the table, her pulse gun drawn. Chiana ducked under the table, followed closely by Rygel. Zhaan hit the floor next to John. When nothing further happened, they each cautiously raised their heads. Aeryn was the first to react, "D'Argo, are you okay?" she asked, her eyes wide as she lowered her pistol.

John and Zhaan cautiously raised their heads from the floor and began to grin at the sight in front of them. D'Argo was soaked in soup broth. The noodles were draped rather artistically about his face and shoulders, blending in with his own tentacles and braids. The effect was very Medusa-like as far as John was concerned.

D'Argo sat stunned as his meal dripped down his face into the exploded bowl. Rygel's thronesled hovered cautiously up from under the table. The Hynerian looked at D'Argo and started to chortle. John and Zhaan started to giggle at the sight as well. Aeryn tried to keep her laughter inside, in an effort to help D'Argo maintain his warrior dignity, but a noodle started to slide very slowly from his forehead along the bridge of his nose and finally onto the table, and she too lost it.

D'Argo's expression clearly showed he hadn't decided who to kill first, the one who had done this to him or the ones who were laughing. His eyes locked onto John, who was now rolling on the floor, holding his stomach as if in pain. "Crichton!" he snarled and started to rise. Aeryn looked uncertainly from the furious Luxan to the vulnerable Human, unsure whether to defend him or join in on his murder.

John quickly recovered himself and jumped up from the floor, holding his hands out defensively in front of him, tears of laughter still streaming down his face. "No wait, D'Argo, I didn't do it," he objected. "I was the intended victim, I think."

D'Argo pushed himself up from the table, raking the noodles out of his hair and wiping the broth from his face. His efforts only made his appearance worse. "Then who was responsible?" he demanded.

John looked around deliberately. "Well, Chiana seems to have disappeared..." he offered. Then he quickly stepped aside as D'Argo tore out of the room with an angry snarl, muttering all sorts of dire threats against the hapless Nebari youngster.

"Man, I wouldn't want to be Chiana for the next few arns." John said, looking after the Luxan's departure. "Boy, that was a good one, though. Pip sure learns fast."

"You knew about it?" Zhaan asked.

"No, but I caught on that something was up and made sure it happened to D'Argo and not me." John said, grinning triumphantly. "Still the king!" he crowed.

Aeryn looked at John with her patented crazy Human nonsense expression, then she bent to gather the broken pieces of the bowl to throw them out. John and Zhaan helped to clean up the chamber after their evening meal. Rygel, of course, slid out of the room before he could be pressed into helping. Finally, Aeryn turned to her two companions, "I better go check on D'Argo. If you two will finish up in here...?"

"Certainly, my dear. John and I can finish up." Zhaan said. "Go make sure D'Argo doesn't do anything too rash. You better warn Pilot to keep the DRD's out of his way for a while, as well. You know how he can be when he's angry."

"Right," she said shortly and left the room.

John started to snicker again remembering D'Argo's expression of outrage. Zhaan smiled at his amusement. "I must say, John, everyone seems to be enjoying these practical jokes of yours. Well, everyone up to now."

"It was one of my better ideas," John agreed. "There hasn't been so much laughter around here in a long time." His expression became serious for a moment. "For far too long," he said, distantly. Then he shook himself and grinned.

Zhaan agreed, but looked slightly troubled. "I just hope it doesn't get out of hand, John. Beings like D'Argo and Aeryn are not used to being laughed at. I hope no one gets hurt."

John turned to Zhaan, placing the last of the clean dishes back on the upper shelf. "Ah, come on, Zhaan. It's just fun. They'll understand." He stopped and looked at Zhaan, a calculating look in his eyes. "Say, Zhaan, you can become invisible, can't you?"

Zhaan started that John was aware of that ability. "Yes, but how did you ...?"

"Br'nee down on the garden asteroid told me about it." John said quickly. "I have a request to make."

Zhaan waited patiently as he outlined his plan to play a trick on Aeryn. She looked unconvinced, but agreed when John assured her that Aeryn would enjoy the prank as much as they would.

The next day, John walked into the cargo bay for his training session with Aeryn, a jaunty bounce to his step. He paused briefly at the door and made a gesture out of sight to someone in the corridor, when he saw Aeryn already there, stretching and preparing for their exercises. John took off his shoes and stripped off his vest, and began a cursory series of stretches. Aeryn critically watched the haste with which he prepared. When he stepped onto the mat to join her, she said scathingly, "That's hardly enough stretching to prepare you for this session, John. No wonder you're so sore after these training bouts."

John looked over her shoulder at a shimmering opacity that moved towards her into the bay. "It's okay, Aeryn. I did some stretches in my room before coming down. Let's begin." He crouched into a defensive stance.

Aeryn's eyes said that she did not completely believe him, but she assumed the same stance and the session began. She made the first lunging attack and felt John loop his leg behind hers. She began the motion to counter his move when suddenly, her other leg was pulled out from under her and she went down on the mat with a resounding thud. She lay momentarily winded, looking up at John's grin of triumph, before jumping to her feet and attacking again. John grabbed her hands to defend against her jabs and with what seemed a simple flick of his wrist, dropped her to the mat again.

Aeryn was pleased that he seemed to finally be learning, but confused at his technique and astounding success rate. Some of his moves were the counter moves that she had taught him, but none of them were executed with enough skill to overcome her and drop her every single time. He seemed to have hands and feet available to him that she could not see. And while she was starting to breathe heavily from her exertions, the Human did not seem to be even breaking a sweat. Aeryn was becoming increasingly suspicious, and started looking around her, but could see nothing. All the while, John grinned at her with that annoyingly triumphant smirk.

Finally, Aeryn lost her temper and launched herself at John with a move she had never taught him before and for which there was no possible defense. John's face registered his shock and Aeryn thought that she finally had him. Unbelievably, something swept her feet out from under her and she fell to the floor outside the mat, knocking her head heavily on the floor. She lay stunned, white lights flashing before her eyes. John knelt beside her, checking her for broken bones, his face filled with concern. Aeryn thought she was hallucinating when she heard a disembodied voice say, "That's it, John. Enough." And Zhaan shimmered into view right beside her.

"Zhaan?" Aeryn groaned. "John? What's going on?"

John grinned sheepishly at her,"It's a joke, Aeryn. A practical joke. I didn't drop you. Zhaan did. She can become invisible," he explained quickly. "It was just a joke. I didn't mean for you to get hurt. Forgive me."

"Are you all right, my dear?" Zhaan asked, her face filled with concern. "I shouldn't have let you talk me into this, John."

Aeryn rolled over and got slowly to her feet. She glared at John then turned and left the training area, stumbling a bit as waves of dizziness hit her. John looked at Zhaan then raced after her, catching up with her in the corridor.

"Hey, look, Aeryn, I'm sorry. I really didn't mean for you to get hurt. I just thought it would be funny if you thought I could suddenly beat you." John reeled back from the look of hurt anger in Aeryn's eyes as she turned to face him. Then she put a hand to her forehead as dizziness overcame her again. When John reached out to steady her, she angrily shook off his hands and leaned back against the wall. "Ah, Aeryn, I'm truly sorry you were hurt." He slipped his hand gently into her hair to feel for the lump that was forming. This time she did not throw off his touch.

"It's not my head that hurts, John, it's my heart," Aeryn said without thinking. John looked at her in astonishment, withdrawing his hand. "I mean ... It hurts me that you would use our training sessions for one of your practical jokes." She rubbed her eyes wearily and sighed. "I meant what I said the other day, John. I want you to learn to fight as best you can. I want you to take this very seriously. I want you to live." She looked up at him, her eyes glistening. "I couldn't bear it if anything happened and you weren't around any more." She looked down embarrassed at having said as much as she had, at having revealed so much to him. "This is the only way I can think of to keep you safe."

John's eyes darkened with regret at her words. He reached out again and this time, Aeryn let him draw her into his arms. He kissed her forehead lightly and gently pulled her aching head down to his shoulder. "I'm so sorry, Aeryn. I didn't realise how important this was to you. I'm such a Human," he said. He felt her grin against his shoulder and he kissed her hair, enjoying the feel of her in his arms. Aeryn sighed and slid her arms around his waist, hugging him close in silent acceptance of his apology. They stood like that for a while.

Then finally Aeryn raised her head. John's heart lightened to see her smile ruefully at him. "I must say, you did have me fooled there for a while. I thought I was suddenly the best teacher in the universe." She snorted, "I should have known better."

John smiled back at her. "You are the best teacher," he said. His expression suddenly serious, he started to lower his lips to hers. Aeryn closed her eyes in anticipation of his kiss. John groaned when Zhaan rounded the corner and interrupted them. If she thought there was anything strange about the way they guiltily sprang apart, she chose to ignore it. Her eyes were filled with concern for Aeryn.

"Is Aeryn all right?" she asked. "I got worried when you didn't come back."

John turned towards Zhaan, keeping his arm protectively around Aeryn's waist. "She's fine, Zhaan, just a little dizzy." He looked down at her tenderly. "I'll help you back to your quarters on my way to Command, okay?" Aeryn nodded and then closed her eyes in pain at the movement.

"I'll come by with something to ease the pain in your head," Zhaan said and turned towards the infirmary.

That night at the evening meal, John decided to call off the practical jokes. He found himself alone with Zhaan and Rygel. Chiana appeared, cautiously looking around the room before slipping in silently. D'Argo was still sulking in his quarters and Zhaan informed him that Aeryn was passing on dinner, still feeling a headache from her fall earlier. John winced slightly at Zhaan's accusing tone.

"Okay, okay. I've said I'm sorry, Zhaan. It was a bad idea. Give me a break. Aeryn accepted my apology," he said a pained expression on his face.

"Oh, is that what you were doing?" Zhaan said lightly. Chiana looked at John's suddenly embarrassed face with interest.

John groaned and then said, "I think the practical joke thing has run its course. I suggest we give it a rest. No more jokes. People are starting to get hurt."

Chiana started to object, "But we still have fourteen more arns left before your April Fools' Day."

"I'm beginning to be very sorry I ever told you about that," John sighed. "Look, it was fun while it lasted but I think we better forget about it. I'm officially calling Moya's April Fool's Day off, okay"

Rygel grumbled, "You only want it to stop before someone gets you." Chiana nodded her agreement.

"Ah, come on, guys!" John pleaded. "That's not it at all. D'Argo is ready to kill Chiana here and Aeryn has a bump the size of a DRD on her head. It's time to call it quits." He got up and stomped out.

Zhaan sat looking at her dejected dinner companions. "I agree with John. We have to stop this." Chiana sighed and Rygel grumbled. Suddenly, Chiana jumped up ready to run when D'Argo appeared at the door, followed by a pale Aeryn. "However," Zhaan grinned, "I also agree with Rygel. We have to work together to get John."

"Yeah, get him good!" Chiana added, grinning. "Any ideas?"

Aeryn grinned weakly, "I have an idea." The rest of Moya's crew crowded around, planning to oust Moya's King of the Prank from his throne.

*****************

John groaned as the lights came on, signaling the beginning of another day on Moya. He sat up and rubbed his eyes. "Happy April Fools' Day, Commander Crichton," he said to himself, then lay back groaning. "The rest of them were worried that I hadn't fallen for any of their pranks. Don't they realise that this whole year has been one big joke on John Crichton. The universe has pulled the biggest prank of all, and I'm the supreme April Fool." He draped his arm over his eyes, and lay there feeling sorry for himself.

Suddenly there was a distant roar and a crash. "Where is he?" someone demanded in a deep snarl.

John sat up quickly, clad only in his boxers. "D'Argo!"

The door to his room opened and Aeryn raced in, "John! John, get up! You've got to hide. D'Argo found out that you knew about the soup bowl and he's in the throes of hyper rage." John reached down to grab his clothes when there was a closer crash and another Luxan snarl. Aeryn grabbed the half naked Human and dragged him out of his quarters.

"But my clothes...?" John protested.

"There's no time," Aeryn insisted, grabbing his hand and pulling him down the corridor. "If D'Argo catches you, he'll kill you. He's not thinking straight."

"Man, oh man, I knew this prank stuff would backfire." John said as he raced down the corridor after Aeryn. "What are we going to do? There's no planet to send him down to this time. I can't hide from him for three days, can I?"

"Shut up and run for it, Crichton." Aeryn called back over her shoulder. She stopped at the junction in the passageways, looking frantically from one to the other. D'Argo's cry behind them made up her mind for her. "Quick, in here ," she said as she ducked into an access passageway. John scrambled into the small opening and pulled the panel into place behind him. Then he pressed up against Aeryn, his eyes wild.

"Aeryn, it's really cold in here," he said, starting to shiver "Where are we?"

Aeryn wouldn't look at him as she hissed, "In an access passage parallel to the condulation coils. Now be quiet."

Neither of them moved as they heard D'Argo come storming down the corridor. "Where is he? Where is that miserable prankster?" he roared. John jumped back from the access panel when the tip of D'Argo's Qualta Blade slammed into the wall. He turned to Aeryn who wouldn't meet his eyes, looking about her for some other way out. John sat shivering from the cold, afraid that the chattering of his teeth would be heard by the insanely enraged Luxan. Finally, he heard D'Argo roar off down the hall. He turned back to Aeryn.

"What now?"

"Well, you can stay here. D'Argo obviously can't smell you because of the condulation coils." Aeryn looked at the shivering miserable Human next to her.

"I can't stay here, Aeryn. I'll freeze to death." His teeth started to chatter again and he shivered uncontrollably. He pressed himself against her. "I need my clothes. Or some source of heat." he said, suggestively.

For a moment, Aeryn found herself tempted. *No, stick to the plan.*

"You're right. Stay here. I'll go and get your clothes." She crawled past him towards the panel. Opening it carefully, she checked the hall then slid out. "I'll be back as soon as I can, John." she whispered as she slid the panel into place once more.

John lay huddled in freezing misery in the access passage, waiting for Aeryn to return. It felt like arns since she had left him there. He hadn't heard any sign of D'Argo and was beginning to think about risking it and slipping out of his frozen hiding place when he heard a scraping sound. The panel came loose and John tensed as a head appeared in the opening, a white haired head.

Chiana looked at John in amusement. "Well, well, well, what have we here. It's a Human popsicle." she smirked. John immediately regretted ever sharing any of his Earth expressions with the Nebari thief. She crawled in beside him.

"Where's Aeryn with my clothes?" he demanded through clicking teeth.

"D'Argo caught her. He smelled your scent on her and knocked her out with that tongue thing he does."

"Is she okay? He didn't hurt her, did he?" John asked, concern for the Sebacean outweighing the immediate threat to his life. Outside in the passageway, Aeryn smiled.

"No, no, but she couldn't get your clothes. D'Argo tore up your room pretty bad." Chiana's eyes traveled over her half-naked ship mate. "You look okay to me," she purred.

John gave her a frustrated glare. "I'm freezing. I have to get out of here. You're the expert at hiding. Find me somewhere warm to sit this out."

"Okay, follow me." Chiana backed out of the passageway into the corridor. When she was sure the coast was clear, she signalled to John to come out. "We've got to find you someplace where D'Argo can't pick up your scent." She led him down corridor after corridor into the bowels of the Leviathan ship.

Suddenly, there was a roar and D'Argo appeared in the passageway behind them, brandishing his Qualta blade. "John Crichton!" he cried. "I'll have your head!"

Chiana screamed at his appearance and said, "Run!"

John's heart was pounding in fear as he raced down the corridors after Chiana, D'Argo crashing behind them. Chiana turned first this way and then that until John had no idea where he was. Suddenly they came upon the laundry chamber, the pool in the center of the chamber filled with amnexis fluid. "Quick, get in the tub!" Chiana cried.

John started to protest but was pushed backwards into the tub. He came up sputtering and Chiana hissed at him. "Stay under the fluid."

"But how will I breathe?" he managed to get out, before she pushed his head under. From beneath the liquid, he heard D'Argo charge into the room, yelling his name. He thought his lungs would burst, when Chiana's hand finally let him come up for air. He jumped when a pair of Rygel's striped pajamas flopped over his head.

"D'Argo?" Chiana said, innocently. "What's the problem?"

"Where is the Human?" D'Argo snarled. "I will not rest until I have him impaled on my Qualta Blade. He must pay for the indignity I have suffered."

John crouched down in the washing fluid, shaking in fear.

"Well, he's not here," Chiana said, her eyes dancing as she met D'Argo's laughing eyes. "I'm just washing out a few things." Her voice became flirtatious. "Are you wearing anything that needs to be washed. If you want I can..."

D'Argo glared at her, then roared again and hit the side of the tub with his Qualta Blade. Hiding under the liquid, John nearly had a heart attack at the proximity of the blade to his head. He took a quick gulp of air and ducked under. Just when he thought he would rather drown than come up and face D'Argo, a hand reached into the water and dragged him up by the hair. John swung out blindly, his eyes stinging from the amnexis fluid.

Chiana's voice hissed in his ear. "Hey, knock it off. Is this the thanks I get for saving your sorry self, Human?"

John relaxed and climbed out of the tub. His wet, bare foot slid on the floor of the chamber and he went down in an unceremonious heap. Chiana covered her smirk with her hand, then reached down and helped the dripping Human to his feet. Her eyes were appreciative as she took in his naked figure clad only in soaking wet boxers. John saw the direction of her stare and tried to cover himself. He grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist.

"What now?" he asked.

Chiana considered for a moment. "I think I have a place you can hide. Come with me." She grabbed his hand, but John resisted.

"Not until I get some clothes, Chiana." John looked down at himself. "I don't care if D'Argo finds me. I don't want to die in my underwear." he insisted stubbornly.

Chiana looked around her then hid her smile when her eyes lighted on a pile of garments in the pile of freshly laundered clothes. She grabbed one and tossed it to the miserable Human.

John caught them and shook them out, his expression turning to disbelief. "This is Zhaan's, " he cried as he held up the silky blue dress. "I can't wear this!"

Chiana sighed in exasperation. "Well, it's all I've got. Take it or leave it."

John relented and started to unwrap the towel. "Turn around," he ordered when he saw her watching with undue interest.

Chiana smirked again and turned away. When John indicated that he was ready, Chiana nearly gave their little prank away when she saw him. Zhaan's robe was long enough but stretched across John's broad shoulders uncomfortably. His bare legs and feet stuck out from underneath. Chiana stifled a laugh. "Maybe if we shave your head and paint you blue, we can introduce you to D'Argo as Zhaan's sister."

John's expression indicated that he was clearly not amused. "Okay, where's this hiding place of yours." He followed the Nebari out of the chamber, tripping frequently on the unfamiliar robe.

Chiana led him back through the confusing series of tunnels and passageways, until John was so turned around he had no idea where he was. Finally he called to Chiana that he had to rest.

"John, you can't afford to rest. D'Argo can pick up your scent at any time. Once he does, you're dead." She dragged him along.

He stumbled again over the long trailing robe. Reaching down in frustration, he tore off a strip from the bottom, shortening the dress to mid thigh. Meeting Chiana's disapproving gaze, he said,"Okay, so I owe Zhaan a dress."

From a distance, they froze when they heard a crash and the sound of hyper enraged Luxan. "Frell!" John cried. Chiana grabbed his hand and pulled him along after her. They were racing blindly through the ship when a harsh whisper stopped them in their tracks.

"Psst," Rygel signalled from within yet another access passage. "In here! Quick!"

John pulled the panel from the wall and recoiled from the noxious odor that assailed his nostrils. Rygel hovered in the passage above a river of dark, smelly fluid. "Oh, man, what is that?" he asked, retching at the horrible smell. "I can't go in there!"

"You can, and you will," Chiana said from behind him and pushed him headlong into the passageway. She covered her nose with her hand and added. "D'Argo won't be able to smell you through this. Good thinking, your Eminence." She backed out of the passageway. "I'll take your clothes through the corridors, the other way. Maybe D'Argo will think you've gone the other way." She replaced the panel and left John and Rygel together.

"Man, this is foul," John said in disgust. "I can't believe this is happening." He looked up at Rygel who was apparently unaffected by the smell. "Why doesn't this smell bother you, Sparky?"

"I'm aquatic, remember. Air-born scents are not detectable to my race." Rygel breathed in deeply to give proof to his statement. "Come on, Crichton. This way."

John crawled through the sludge, just barely able to keep control of his stomach until they reached a junction in the passage. Outside another access panel, Zhaan's frantic whisper could be heard. "Rygel, John? Are you there? Chiana said you were headed this way. John?"

"Zhaan," John whispered desperately. "I'm here. Get me out of here." The panel came off and fresh air blew in. John breathed deeply, then crawled out. He stood in front of Zhaan, a pathetic figure.

Zhaan's face was astonished at his miserable condition. She wrinkled her nose at the foul odor that emanated from him. Her eyes were pained at the condition of her blue robe, now filthy and torn. Rygel hovered at her side, but his expression was less sympathetic.

"You look like dren, John, and you certainly smell worse, I'm sure."

"Where's D'Argo," John asked miserably. "Maybe I can reason with him. I can't take much more of this. I think I'd rather face him than get dragged through any more passageways."

As if in answer to his question, there was a Luxan growl and D'Argo's voice could be heard, demanding John's death. Zhaan hesitated for a moment then followed through on her part of the plan. "Quick, we've got to find you somewhere to hide where D'Argo can't smell you!"

Rygel indicated the passageway from which they had just crawled, but John objected. "No way. I'm not going back in there. I'd rather die with D'Argo's Qualta Blade in my belly."

Zhaan looked around the room frantically. Then her eye lighted on a couple of barrels sitting over to the side."Quick, John, in here!" she cried frantically. Rygel smirked behind him, unseen.

Zhaan pulled the cover from one of the barrels, revealing a dark, viscous fluid. John leaned over and sniffed it suspiciously. "What is it?" he asked, smelling nothing vile.

"It's Mervasian Oil. It's used to lubricate some of Moya's systems. It's a vegetable-based product, perfectly harmless." She looked around as D'Argo's enraged cries came closer. "Quick, climb in. He won't be able to smell you. The Oil will mask your scent."

John took another desperate look at the vat, then trusting Zhaan, he jumped into the barrel. The thick, warm fluid enfolded him. The sensation was not entirely unpleasant. The fluid smelled like grass after a spring rain. He crouched down, up to his chin in the Oil. Zhaan quickly replaced the cover and he sat in the barrel in complete darkness, holding his breath and listening carefully.

Outside, in the chamber, Moya's crew assembled, their faces cracked in smiles. D'Argo joined them quietly. "Do you think he's had enough?" he asked his co-conspirators.

Chiana smirked, "Yes, I think we've pushed him as far as we can. He's ready to face you rather than be dragged through any more access passages," she said to D'Argo.

Zhaan looked uncomfortable. "Have we gone too far?" she asked.

Aeryn answered her. "No, I think we've gone just far enough for him to have learned his lesson. Time to let him in on the joke?"

Rygel called to Pilot, "Is it time now?" he asked.

Pilot's image appeared on the viewscreen. "Yes, your Eminence. According to John's calculations, it is just about midday back at his home world. April Fools' Day is officially over."

Aeryn chortled. "The King is dead! " she exclaimed and looked at D'Argo.

D'Argo carefully thrust his Qualta Blade into the barrel in which John hid and pulled it over. The lid came off and the fluid flowed out, dumping the bedraggled Human at the feet of his assembled crew mates. D'Argo raised his blade as if to slice John in two. John flinched back from his killing stroke then his eyes flew open when the rest of the crew cried, "April Fool!" and screamed with laughter.

John lay shivering on the floor from reaction. Then he slowly got to his feet, studying the pranksters around him. They were all laughing hysterically at his appearance. The blue robe of Zhaan's barely covered him, torn and tattered as it was. A foul smell still clung to him from his passage with Rygel. But the most distressing thing of all was the fact that he appeared to be green from the chin down, dyed by the thick Mervasian Oil.

He looked at himself, then back at his crew mates, then back down at himself. He started to smirk and then grin and finally laughed along with the rest of them. "Okay, Uncle!" he said. "I concede. The King is dead!" Tears began to stream down his face as he lost control. He bent over, clutching his stomach in pain as he laughed."Whose idea was this?" he asked, when he managed to catch his breath.

Zhaan gasped and said, "We all wanted to do it, but the initial idea came from Aeryn."

John straightened up and turned to Aeryn who had been frantically signaling to Zhaan not to answer. "Very good," he conceded. "But you made one mistake."

Aeryn stopped, curious at his statement. "What?"

John suddenly grabbed her and pulled her into his Oil covered arms. "Green is for St. Patrick's Day." He wrapped himself around her, to the further amusement of the rest. Aeryn tried to push him away, but he had her too well. "If I'm going to be green, then you're joining me." he said, rubbing his green covered cheek against hers. Once she was well and truly covered in green oil, John turned to the rest of the crew, spreading his arms wide. "Anyone else want a hug?"

For a moment, Chiana looked like she might take him up on his offer, but then she wrinkled her nose at his smell and appearance. "Maybe after you take a bath," she commented. The rest of Moya's crew laughed at John's outraged expression.

***************'

About a weeken later, John joined his sparring partner once more in the cargo bay. Aeryn was clad in a brief midriff revealing top and her black Peacekeeper pants. The green stains from the Mervasian Oil were still plainly visible on her arms and cheeks.

"How much longer?" he asked.

"Zhaan says the dye should fade in another weeken or so," she replied, her eyes dancing still at his green appearance.

"Good," he> said. "There was a song back home called *It's Not Easy Being Green*. It never really meant anything to me until now."

Aeryn smiled at him, " I hope you learned your lesson about practical jokes."

"I sure did," he said, smiling down into her laughing eyes. *I'm going to have to start planning now for next April Fools' Day.*

FIN

*****************