Author: LeatherGirl

Disclaimer: I do not own Farscape or anything associated with Farscape.

*****

Chiana: "Whoof that mifteriuff awien at the end of the phbar?"

[Chiana snacks on an incredibly chewy yellowish morsel finding it hard to speak too clearly.]

Rygel: "You're beginning to sound like Crichton with all his Earth sayings."

D'Argo: "How do you know she isn't Crichton? We're all in disguise tonight. Another Raslac please!"

[D'Argo receives drink and slams it down before Rygel can respond.]

Zhaan: "The alien looks like Pilot, in a weird sort of way."

[Rygel and D'Argo look to Zhaan with shock.]

Rygel: "You understood what she said?"

Zhaan: "Great minds think alike."

[John enters bar and helps himself to a chewy morsel, settling down beside Chiana. Each alien stares at him bewildered70;He is wearing Scorpius' thermal suit.]

Chiana: "Ah, John, you're Scorpiuff."

[Finishes chewy morsel as Aeryn enters the bar to join them. Aeryn is sporting a PK tech uniform and carrying around a small purse decorated with feathery blue synthetic material.]

John: "Why run from the enemy when you can become the enemy?"

Aeryn: "You're looking quite lovely this evening, Crichton."

[John spins on bar stool, nearly sliding off the vinyl surface because of his leather attire.]

Zhaan: "Are you not feeling well?"

[Places hand on Aeryn's forehead. Aeryn performs a quick Pen-Tak jab and smears the make-up on Zhaan's blue face. Each alien steps back in shock.]

Aeryn: "Zhaan70;you're not blue!"

Zhaan: "So I've been keeping a big secret, big deal."

[Aliens remain quite, chugging down their raslacs and fellip nectar. They observe the other aliens in the bar.]

D'Argo: "Ooh, look at that Sheyang70;Oh, um, sorry, didn't know I said that out loud."

Rygel: "Terrible! Look at that horrible rendition of a Dominar seated in the booth next to that Durka look-alike. They're all over each other."

Chiana: [Chuckles.] Don't look now, but there's a booth full of scaper Farscape wanna-bes at four o'clock. [Each alien turns to look.] Hey! What did I say?"

John: "Damn, they did a pretty good job, if I do say so myself."

Aeryn: "Are you kidding me? They made me look larger than life." [Sends a snotty look at the Aeryn look-alike with larger than normal breasts.]

John: "Hey, they're only duplicating perfection. Look at my duplicate70;I'm beautiful! [The John look-alike is very handsome indeed, boosting large muscles everywhere and dashing good looks.]

Chiana: [Glances back at the mysterious alien she had spoken of earlier.] Dren, here comes that alien I was talking about." [The aliens try to shield their faces, hoping they wouldn't be seen. The alien dressed as Pilot encounters the group.]

Pilot Look Alike: "Well, if it isn't my fellow shipmates on Moya!" [Pilot pats each alien roughly on the back with all his arms. Rygel nearly chokes on his drink.]

D'Argo: "Pilot, we don't want to be associated with you, gees!"

Zhaan: "Please, Pilot, if that's who you are, leave us be!"

[Suddenly, everyone in the bar begins to notice the confrontation and turns to watch.]

Rygel: "Oh dren, here we go."

[Without warning all the shipmates begin to bat, scratch, and hiss at each other, tearing at synthetic materials and make-up. Feathers flew, Raslac nearly spilled, and hair was torn from obscene places.]

Chiana: "D'Argo! Watch the tentacles!"

John: "Hey, my thermal rods!"

Aeryn: "Not the hair! Do not touch the hair!"

Zhaan: "My make-up!"

Rygel: "Hey, I slaved for hours on that part of the anatomy!"

Pilot Look Alike: "My arms! You tore off my arms!"

[The dust settled and the bar had grown dark. All the other aliens in the bar had vacated long ago. All that was left of each remaining aliens' costumes was shredded amongst their feet. An eerie silence followed.]

John: "What the frell70;"

Aeryn: "Oh by the goddesses70;"

Chiana: "You're me!"

D'Argo: "I'm you!"

Rygel: "Huh?"

Pilot Look Alike: "That about said it."

[The aliens looked at their true identities and began to laugh uncontrollably.]

Rygel: "Ok, let's figure this out. I was myself for starters."

Chiana: "You sure don't sound like it. Frell, I'm70;was Aeryn."

Aeryn: "Ok, you got me, I'm Zhaan. [Aliens look at her with amusement.] Hey, I like to be the tough bitch once in a while."

Zhaan: "Well, I'm Chiana. I wanted to be a little bluer, that's all. Explore my spiritual side. You know; be something besides a tralk!"

D'Argo: "I guess I'll admit I was myself as well but I wanted to seem like somebody else."

Pilot Look Alike: [Pulls off head to reveal his true self.] "Ta da!"

Everyone: "Crichton?!"

[John smiles and snickers at his fellow shipmates.]

Chiana: "Then who's70;?" [She dared not finish her question. Each alien turned to look at the alien who had dressed up as John Crichton. They veered back in surprise.]

John: "Told you I'd be watching you!" [John disappears in a thick poof of smoke. The aliens looked at each other in bewilderment.]

John (the real one!): "Was that who I think it was? Or am I just seeing things again?"

Aeryn: "Oh that was him." [Nodding her head slowly.]

D'Argo: "Spooky."

John (yes the real one): "You took the words right out of my mouth." [He glanced at D'Argo to make sure he wouldn't question his Crichtonism.]

Rygel: "Why don't we help ourselves to the liquor? I think this calls for a serious round of drinks!" [Rygel hovers around and enters behind the bar. Chiana scoops over the bar to help herself to the tap only to find it empty.]

Chiana: "I have one more question70;where's all the alcohol?"

[Each alien looks to the other with fright. Without a moment's hesitation, they each scurry in a separate direction, exiting the bar as quickly as possible.]

Scaper Farscape Wanna-bes: "Whew that was close. I thought they would have discovered us for sure!" [They rise up from behind the bar where they had taken refuge during the fight. Each held a flask of raslac in hand.]

Aeryn: "These 'costumes' were a great idea, Crichton. Everyone thought we were Scapers."

[Aliens laugh a bit and drink some raslac.]

John: "If we are the real Farscape characters, then who were they?"

[Spooky music plays and the credits roll.]

*****