Author: Shipscat

and the Society Against Cruelty to Crichton has a very good one. Almost everything endangered, rescued, protected, or even mentioned in this fic is protected by a SACC member. i apologize to the people who's area of protection I couldn't fit in- I really tried, but there are a whole lot of SACC members.

Round up the usual Disclaimers-any resemblance to anyone, real or imaginary, is strictly intentional.

The day started out innocently enough. Crichton had had a long talk with Aeryn the night before, trying to explain to her the earth custom of dating. He had convinced her that the two of them spending time together, dressed and groomed in their best, and having fun with no pressure to get "close" was a good idea. He decided not to mention that the "No pressure" would only really happen if it was 1952. So today he was looking forward to taking her to the planet in the transport pod and spending the day shopping. What he really wished was that he could cruise the commerce planet in his T-bird.

Upon getting out of bed he said goodbye to his security blanket and placed his gum on the bedpost. For one awful moment he had thought it was stuck in his hair. He knew that would have been a bad portent for the day ahead.

Things started to go wrong at breakfast. Chiana served him something that still had fur on it. "This looks like a tribble, Chi," he said suspiciously. "Aren't you supposed to clean it before you cook it?"

"The Sikrians assured me it was a delicacy," Chiana assured him.

"Well, this thing's got more fur on it than Fluffbrain here," he said, pointing to the small furry critter that they had found stowed away in the cargo bay a monen earlier. Fluffbrain was winding herself around his legs. Her ears pricked up at the mention of her name.

Crichton poked at the delicacy with his fork with the intention of getting it off his plate. Suddenly the furry breakfast jumped up and attached itself to his face. "Help me, Chi!" Crichton cried. "I have a date tonight!"

Help came from an unlikely source as Fluffbrain threw herself into the fray, batting the tribble off his face with nary a scratch to his perfect chin. there was not a flaw on his beautiful smile as he thanked Fluffbrain for her assistance. Fluffbrain said not a word, but went straight to the tribble and dragged it out of the room in her mouth.

Crichton decided to forgo breakfast and left. On the way out he failed to notice that the door was about to close on his right hand with considerable force. Aeryn, going through the door in the other direction, stopped it from closing. "Thank you, Aeryn," Crichton said, "We wouldn't want anything to happen to my sex life, now would we?" Aeryn gave him a perplexed look and went in to her tribbleless breakfast.

On returning to his room, John contemplated the disappearance of his black spacesuit and his orange flight suit. He wanted to make sure there was a working suit in the pod. He should have learned his lesson after being stuck in the Flax, but his recent jump into space made him more careful. A passing Zhaan asked him what he was looking for. When he explained, she solved the mystery for him. "Chiana washed it, my dear, and the orange flight suit was getting so old and you are so fond of it that we found a method of preserving it. It's in a glass display case in the command center now."

Crichton was extremely pleased by this, but as soon as he started to leave to get the transport pod ready, Scorpius appeared and tried to convince him that he would rather play chess. He ignored the vision, knowing that it was not good for his mental state and right mind to indulge in such fantasies. Before long, he had gotten to the transport pod. In loading up goods to trade, a heavy piece of equipment narrowly missed his outstretched left hand and hit him lightly on the head. 'Well, some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed,' he thought to himself as he realised that for some reason it hadn't really hurt. What he failed to notice was the chip that fell out of his ear and landed on the cargo bay floor. It crunched nicely as he stepped on it.

He looked over at the Farscape I, which was in beautiful condition, sparkling clean and ready to go. He sighed and resolved to take her for a spin tomorrow. Some days just didn't work out like you wanted them to, but he knew the transport pod would hold more trade goods.

D'argo came by and tried to talk Crichton into letting him go with them. John was not too fond of this idea, as he felt this might threaten his love for Aeryn, or at least his ability to express it.

D'argo suggested a game of "rock, paper, scissors." For one awful moment, John thought he had forgotten how to play. Then his fine mind and keen memory kicked in and he won, once again. The planet was entirely too full of beautiful Sebacean-looking women for Aeryn's taste. Not only were they beautiful, but they were helpful and friendly and had a tendency to drool when John appeared.

John thought things were really looking up when he found a small outdoor cafe. There were some women nearby doing laundry outside. This was not as primitive as it sounded, because they appeared to have a hot plate that heated water instantly and cleaned the garment with one dip. A similar process was used for the drying.

Amazingly, the restaurant was serving something that looked very much like earth food. He was very disappointed when the waiter told him that they were out of what appeared to be southern fried chicken. Noticing his disappointment, the waiter offered a substitute. John was overcome with glee when he was given something that looked, smelled and tasted like biscuits and gravy. His glee vanished when he immediately dripped gravy down his front. It missed his duster but really plastered his black tee. He really wanted to look nice for Aeryn, who had not noticed this, as she was still staring suspiciously at the food on her plate.

A young cute woman offered to wash his tee for him. John was happy that she did, but offered to pay. She wouldn't hear of it, so John removed his duster and the t-shirt. Several young ladies immediatley thudded to the ground as he removed his shirt, showing off his finely sculptured physique. One of the women picked up a bucket of cold water that had not yet been warmed for washing and threw it unceremoniously in their faces. Aeryn looked disgusted at this turn of events, while John shrugged modestly. John got his t-shirt back, cleaned and dry. Aeryn and John talked of casual things until John got a little mistyeyed talking about what he had lost. But then John told her he was grateful to still have his humor, movie quotes, and love of Shakespeare. Aeryn admitted to liking the fact that he still had his southern drawl. It made her a little nervous when he talked like a Peacekeeper.

John was feeling that the date was going well as they walked hand in hand through the marketplace. He stopped at a little stall that had sunglasses. "Wow, Aeryn these look just like Raybans!" he said excitedly. He put a pair on and suddenly the world turned really dark, so he took them off again. Aeryn was looking at him with horror in her eyes. "John, your eyes.." she gasped. Suddenly a beautiful blonde woman came by and said, "Oh, no. This will never do." She took a small vial out of her bag and expertly administered eyedrops to Crichton's eyes, which were now an unlikely shade of brown. Immediately they cleared up and became the lovely shade of blue they had been before.

"That's better. Gotta save those baby blues," the woman said and left, smiling.

"Oh, good," Aeryn smiled in relief. "The twinkle's still there, too."

"Only for you, Dahlin'," John said, winking at her. Aeryn was a little ways off from John when a large, furry beast with huge canine teeth attacked, knocking him onto the ground. A dark-haired elflike man sounded the alarm. Aeryn heard the cries and leapt onto the back of a passing riding beast, and went after the war dog. He ran away from her fierce onslaught. "Thanks," John said, from his position in the dirt.

"Are you all right, John?"

"I'm fine," he said, "not even my ego is bruised."

A passerby offered him a cold compress and an attractive woman offered to examine his rear for damage, but Aeryn's glower made her desist. Aeryn did her own checking, and declared his leather pants, his eema , and even his cute little strut as doing just fine.

"That was great, Aeryn," John said. "You came in just like the cavalry."

While John tried to explain the cavalry to Aeryn, she was distracted by the animal that had gone after John. It had not run far and was lying on the ground with its sides heaving. Aeryn came closer and noticed that his ribs were clearly visible under what had once been a fine coat.

"John," she said, "he's starving. Look at the poor thing. His ribs are sticking out. He probably just wants some of those bikkits and gravy you just had."

As John went to get a closer look at the huge beast, he realized that he had a small cut on his arm that was bleeding. A passerby took something that looked like Bactine out of her purse and applied it to the small wound. Another passerby wrapped a bandage around it and the first passerby leaned over and kissed the booboo. Others came over to fuss at him, examining his arms and ensuring that his biceps, chest and shoulders weren't scratched as well. When the strangers were sure that he was undamaged, they drifted away.

"I don't think I like this planet, Crichton," Aeryn said.

"I'm not sure I care for it either," John admitted, watching Aeryn as she lifted the furry brown head on her lap and started scratching behind the pointed ears."Beauty and the Beast."

"He is kind of handsome, isn't he?" Aeryn said. "John, you must go get him something to eat right away."

John thought about refusing - after all, the whatever it was had just attacked him, hadn't it? But then he wondered where his humanity had gone.

He found a nearby pet shop and looked around. The person at the desk was horrified when he asked for dog food or something like it.

"We sell only pets here, sir," he said indignantly, "not dogs for food. I will tell them far and wide that you are a horrible person."

John hastily convinced the owner that he was looking for something to feed an animal, not an animal to eat, thus saving his good name and reputation. Out of embarassment he was convinced to buy specially prepared (i.e. expensive) food cubes, suited for the most massive carnivore. After procuring water as well, he went back to Aeryn.

He watched the massive doglike animal wolf his food with fascination. For a moment he wasn't sure what was so familiar about it, but then his memory of movies came back to him. "Those teeth are as large as the velociraptors claws in Jurassic Park," he said with awe. "And the gamekeeper in Jurassic park said-"

"John, stop," Aeryn said, "he'll hear you. He's very intelligent, you know."

"You aren't thinking about taking him back to Moya, are you?" John asked, thinking that he could eat Little Blue the DRD in one bite. "We haven't had a lot of luck with critters. Remember what happened with the Vorc."

Aeryn shot him a hurt look. "What happened with the Vorc was my fault. I'm the one that shot it."

With a surprised yip the great beast looked up, then returned to eating. Just then a dapper looking man, looking much like John but a little older and a little shorter, came up to the couple. "That's a fine looking vorlag you have there," he said. "I couldn't help overhearing. Is it in need of a good home?"

"Yes," said John.

"What would you do with him?" Aeryn asked. "He's really quite a sweet creature. I wouldn't want him to be treated badly or made to do something wrong."

"I need him to guard my home. He'd have a big yard to run in. You'd like that, wouldn't you, boy?"

The vorlag wagged his tail eagerly, knocking one of John's sidearms off of his holster. John picked it up from the ground and ascertained that it was undamaged. The vorlag cast a mournful look at Aeryn, then went with the man in the havyan shirt with the drink in his hand. Before he left, the man gave Aeryn a little kiss on the hand and looked into her eyes just a tad too long for John's taste.

"Have you ever thought about taking up acting?" the dapper stranger asked the vorlag as they walked away. "You sure did a number on her. And wasn't she just the prettiest thing you ever saw?"

John thought he heard the vorlag say, "for a biped," as they walked off.

"Do those things talk?" asked John in amazement.

"I don't know," Aeryn shrugged. "When he was lying in my arms, all he did was whimper."

"I can't blame him for that," John said, puzzling Aeryn immensely.

As they walked farther down the street, John noticed a shop called the Local Intergalactic Beauty Salon. Not being sure if it was what he thought it was, he walked in.

"Hi, my name is sly and I would be happy to be your hair stylist today," a very fashionable being greeted him. Feeling in need of a trim, John sat down. When someone offered to cut Aeryn's hair, she pointed her pulse rifle at the overeager stylist. John ignored the incident, knowing full well that Aeryn could protect her raven hair without any help. John's stylist fussed and clucked, applying a lot of hair gel after his trim.

Unfortunately, the gel interacted badly with his human hair and turned into a gooey mess that threatened to congeal onto his perfect nose and smooth out the little furrow in his brow. A modular type of girl leaped forward and mopped off the mess. Mortified, the stylist adjusted the formula to save John's hair and a major part of his cuteness.

Suddenly Aeryn swung around. Someone had been sneaking up behind her with a pair of scissors.

"Just wanted to do the jeni Var Anistin look-everyone's doing it these days."

"Aeryn!!" John yelled. The pulse rifle had narrowly missed hitting his sexy lower lip, which could possibly have ruined his love for kissing or limited his full range of facial expression. "I'm sorry, John. It makes me a little nervous in here. I think I'll wait outside," she said, backing out slowly with her gun pointed in front of her. While waiting, she realized that she was no longer wearing her locket. In a panic, she started retracing their footsteps.

Meanwhile, John was very pleased with how he looked. A nicely dressed man with a penchant for leather came up and asked him where he got his boots. After John tried to remember several planets and some monens ago where he had purchased the boots, he apologized to the stranger and tried to explain that it was a long time ago, you could tell by the sorry condition the boots were in. The older man said that he could fix that and offered him a jar of Wear-B-Gone. John was a little hesitant to use it after the hair gel incident, but it restored his boots instantly to a brand new condition. After thanking him profusely, John went out to find Aeryn.

Unfortunately, Aeryn was nowhere to be seen.

John was instantly worried. Someone immediately came up to him and hugged him. An attractive lady offered to be his personal nurse. Someone held his hand and someone offered to be his personal pharmacist, asking him if he needed any Prozzaac. He had an offer to be his wardrobe mistress which immediately gave him a dirty thought that he tried to get rid of, but he decided, 'what the heck,' and an offer to be his biographer. While feeling very comforted by all the attention, it didn't change the fact that he needed to find Aeryn, so he thanked them kindly and left, running down the street quickly in slow motion. He found Aeryn quickly in slow motion. She showed him triumphantly that she had found her locket. John said, "yeah, well I lost my heart. But it's okay. You're back," and he grinned at her.

She suggested it was about time to return to Moya. John agreed, but they stopped at a little store and bought some duracell tapes, chocolate kisses, lab supplies, and underwear. Sadly, there was a sudden sale on life-threatening, fast, hoverscooters for children and a bunch of parents stampeded to get them, knocking his bag to the ground. A very kind person astutely noticed this and picked up his stuff and handed it to him. After thanking her, John realized that the store across from him was renting antiquated ground vehicles.

John was amazed to discover a vehicle very similar to his '62 T-bird. Now this was more like it. He and Aeryn rented the vehicle and John found a quiet hilltop just as the night was falling. He put his arm around Aeryn and was pleased that she didn't seem to mind. He would have been thoroughly content, sitting with his arm around his girl on a romantic night when the stars were bright and a gentle breeze went through the trees, if all he had to think about was when he was going to kiss her. Unfortunately, he couldn't get the weird events of the day out of his mind. He couldn't understand why everything had gone so badly and felt a little paranoid about it. When he expressed this to Aeryn she didn't seem to understand, so he recounted all the close calls he had had that day.

"I don't think that sounds like someone is out to get you, John. I think it sounds like some unseen force was looking out for you."

"You mean like a guardian angel?"

"What's that?" she said, snuggling into his arms.

"A higher power..someone who looks after you."

"Hmm," she said, looking at him with liquid eyes." Sounds like you have a whole saccful of them."

"Still, all in all," he said, "I think I'll move to Australia," and dismissed the day from his mind as he looked down at Aeryn and realized that everything had turned out just fine.